snow – Contemplating the divine

Give me shudders in a whisper

Perhaps she should leave him out there for a while, to help him understand the mistake he made. A little cruel, perhaps, but as my SO says: sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Not that she’s in favour of actually being kind, you understand, but she likes to cover all the bases.

I always try to be brave in session, as they say it’s only through failure that we really learn.

Actually, a well-trained python can provide an exciting twist to bondage play – or to a tight-lacing scene, for that matter.

I once bought a blow-up sex doll and it was actually a much more realistic experience than I’d expected – the shipping company delivered it to some other guy to fuck and charged me extra for the meal he had delivered.

Actually, there really ought to be a ‘k’ in electrode, as it’s from the greek ‘ἤλεκτρον’ meaning amber. I once dated a girl called Amber and as she was clamping the wires onto my genitals, I realised what an odd coincidence that was and was just about to point it out, when she flicked the switch and obviously then I was far too busy writhing, screaming and desperately pleading for mercy to say anything. Then she put it on a timer and went home. So it wasn’t, like, a serious relationship or anything but I think of her fondly.

She’s much misunderstood. And she so dislikes being misunderstood – just ask Gordon.

Apropos nothing whatsoever, I thought this was very lovely. She can definitely come to my funeral dressed like that! No, hang on, erm… someone else’s funeral that I’m at…. but not someone so close to me I’d be too sad to perve. Oh, heck it doesn’t even need to be a funeral at all.

Hooray hooray (12)

Pretty woman don’t make me cry

What’s that? Oh, I ticked ‘make me cry’ on the session negotiation form? Oh yes, so I did. Sorry, my mistake: go ahead then.

Just hand me the lipstick and stand aside, little lady. I got this.

Very public-spirited of them to help out, I say.

You might worry that if she just gets high grades without effort, she might end up with no skills and in a low-wage dead-end career. Don’t worry: she’s developing lots of skills and her future in a high-paying professional career is almost guaranteed.

What, did you think she just… I dunno… abducted guys and skinned them in her basement? You’ve been reading too much lurid fantasy. Relax, OK?

I wonder why she went too far like that? She’s supposed to be a professional.

I stand to be corrected

… or I bend over, or I just wriggle slightly in the bonds, making little mmphing pleading sounds.

There are no ‘behavioural problems’, only behavioural opportunities, my SO always says. And I agree with her.

What many men who dabble in men’s lib don’t get is how profoundly offensive it is to women, to suggest that the sexes are equal. I mean, how do you think she’d feel, to be told she’s no better than… well… you?

Hypothermia play! Mmmm….

Actually, I’m more of a leg man. So, with a bit of luck…. oh dear.

Customs change – what was acceptable in times gone by is profoundly offensive nowadays. I went to a stage show the other night which featured an on-stage spanking and I just cringed. I wasn’t even in the front row either – how come I always get picked?

Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house. Never mind. Here are some wintrish captions.

It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical. I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well. At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment. Back to your squalid and pointless existence.

The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters. Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body. The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’. Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.

OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough. I spent six hours in it once.