schoolmistress – Page 5 – Contemplating the divine

Fragile masculinity

…and that’s a precious thing, because – oops! Dropped it. Oh well. I never really used it anyway. I’ll fetch a dustpan and brush, shall I, Ma’am?

Now that sounds like a man who’s strong enough to say sorry.

We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created feral.

Perhaps if you save up, you could buy her time for an evening or something. On your wedding anniversary, for example. That would be a nice gesture.

Divorce in haste, repent at leisure. The positive thing is that he’s actually still seeing quite a lot of his wife, which I think is very healthy.

It’s called ‘I dare you even to think about not telling the truth, you devious little brat.’

And when force is gone, there’s always Mom

Hi Mom!

She’s right you know. It’s the first thing a new husband should learn: always ask permission. Humbly. Even when she’s being an impossible girl.

Boundaries, consequences… firmness. I was reading about it in a book about making your marriage work. Well… I say it was about marriage. Technically, it was about dog training. But the principles are the same.

Best years of his life. And many, many more to come, I suspect.

I am. They have a mission statement, you know. It’s quite inspiring. Oh… now what was it again?

Boundaries, consequences. Didn’t I tell you?

You know how bad girls get

Ah.. school days – cold showers, long tedious detentions, horrible over-cooked cabbage for lunch, exams and homework… not to mention the corporal punishment and the humiliating bullying. It seems so long ago now… must be months at least. I really must book another session.


No I never said that! So unfair, you horrible old cow. Oops.

But not so brave as to refuse. There’s brave and there’s sheer suicidal lunacy.

Spelling ‘wear’ wrong shouldn’t go unnoticed and uncorrected, either.

Mistress Teresa May, obviously. Of all the things that could complicate a career in professional domination, “Having the same name as the Prime Minister” (or vhery nhearly the same) was probably not one that she anticipated.

I think she’s probably right there. You might have to conduct a careful examination of her feet before you’re sure, though.

He probably doesn’t know what the capital of Gabon is. Trouble is, nor does she. I wonder how they’ll resolve the impasse?

Confidently supreme

She doesn’t like ‘torturess’ either. It’s sexist. Like a woman can’t torture people just as well as a man, you know? Better, even. So don’t call her that. Call her… oh I don’t know. Something respectful, I’d suggest. Very respectful.

‘You’re a taxi!’ It’s an old joke, but I like to make my date laugh. Often, the evening together ends with her leaving my apartment almost hysterical with laughter. In fact, I bumped into an old flame the other day and she started giggling as soon as she saw me.

No problem. That’s what Kenny is here for. He pays handsomely for the privilege, after all.

I wouldn’t mind, but I read that book before, counting ‘the’ for another Mistress.

This is the wonderful Lady Sophia Black, who is if anything even more wonderful in person than Her online persona (which is very, very wonderful indeed).

Hmmm. She seems to have mostly disapppeared from the Internet. Now that is a loss.

Choking on someone else’s vomit? Unpleasant but, well, you know, Her kink is not your kink. Or anyone’s.

Mistress Cassie Hunter, the Hunteress, who seems not to have retired after all. So that’s a bit better.

Meek and feeble

He’s made a lifetime commitment.

My SO always says a bit of bruising on a man’s face can be quite attractive, anyway.

Actually, the market is a bit limited as sissy husbands tend not to have much time for reading, or a lot of pocket money.

It’s all a bit academic (if you’ll pardon the pun), actually, because the school moved four years ago and there isn’t actually a Staircase B any more. Still, that’s no excuse for not memorising the rule properly, is it, boy?

I think the correct response is “Mmmmphh!”

It’s what I go to dommes for

...you can call me crazy…

(Kinky bit is 2.18 in if that’s really all you’re after. Pervert).

Of course, as long as everyone keeps quiet there’s no way she can find out who wrote it. And it’s not as if she can cane the whole class just because one boy misbehaved now, is it?

They do need male teachers, though. Every time they seem to have got the male/female ratio on the staff up, another lot disppear and they have to start again. So at least you’ve got job security: there’s that to be said for it.

Cold cream? And, ermm… not being beaten?

What a bad girl.

I wrote this caption last year, surprisingly enough.

Controlling promiscuity after hours

Shame they never made a video for that one.

The Stranglers, of course. Who are also famous for a lyric about a woman’s clitares*… which one day I will work into a caption as an extremely bad pun**.

But today, we have a scholastic focus.

It’s always worth negotiating.

Oh well. Adult life was fun while it lasted, I guess.

Hmmm. Might have to review her salary after a while.

But when does the blow job happen?

Well, if she can’t be bothered to get the details right, then what’s the point, eh? I mean, really! I’d have a word with her about it, but I’m still very bruised from last time.

* No, actually it doesn’t mean that. Just go and look it up for yourself, OK? Honestly, do I have to provide a link for everything?

** I haven’t actually thought up the pun yet. But I think we can confidently predict it will indeed be extremely bad.

Well versed in etiquette

Fastidious and precise.

Maybe ask for a prescription for some painkillers?

Well, obviously not every month. That would be silly. But maybe occasionally..?

Shame clothing. I’ve never found I’ve needed it.

Who needs pocket money when your skirts don’t even have pockets?

Hmm. It might be a while before the next blog posting. And it might be a bit dull… (more so than usual, even).

Now do you want to dance, or do you want to bite?

Not that I approve of many more of the lyrics.

Wow – big decision, huh? Thank goodness she’s already taken it so you don’t have to.

I had a rectal examination on my last trip to the doctor’s. So embarrassing! I’m not taking that bus again!

Perhaps they could vote on it.

Wow. She’s pretty easy-going, huh? I wish my SO let me just beg for things whenever I like, like that.

Trick question – you’re doing both.

New year, same old nonsense

Welcome back. Hope you enjoyed the extra captions over the 12 days (or possibly the first 11 days if you’ve been reading the comments sections too) of Christmas.

Back to normal now, though – twice a week is all you get. Ooh-er, sounds bit rude!

They practice mindfulness too. That involves thinking very very hard about what’s about to happen when your skin won’t stretch any further.

Might take quite a while to do penance for all of the sins during those five years of freedom. Still – there’s the rest of your life.

I’m a member of their frequent shriekers’ club.

Of course, it wasn’t like that when she bought the house. There was no flowering bush behind the gimp feature – in fact, the garden was mostly just gimps all over. Much more colourful this way.

Or – on most occasions – participate.