laundry – Contemplating the divine

Trunign ponts

Whatever…

Number 42 in the series, apparently! How many roads must a man walk down before he reaches a turning point, eh? OK, one, I suppose, as if he was on a second road he would presumably already have passed a turning point. OK, so not a good analogy, but you see what I’m trying to say here, right? Erm… anyway, I’ll just get on with the not-quite-femdom captions, now.

Nonsensical sex

More of these.

Aren’t you just the perfect host? Sorry, I meant *pervert*. The pervert host.

I always get so excited on Pervemas morning, waiting to be unwrapped.

I don’t know what they pay those sweatboys for. Oh, don’t they? Oh, OK. Even so, there’s no excuse for not doing a professional job.

I don’t know what it is about the phrase “Purely routine anal probe” but I feel (deep inside me) it’s not used enough in our own world.

Although everyone says that no one carries coins these days, public shining posts like this one (like the many coin-operated public lavatories you can still find chained up with gaping mouths in Pervworld) often end the day with a rectum uncomfortably full of change.

It’s a lot greener than most other forms of transport, especially since a lot of their fodder is recycled.

Louring ladies

Don’t worry, lots of bridegrooms… no, hang on. Do worry.

This is her ‘girlfriend experience’ service and if you ask me, it’s startlingly realistic.

I used to think I was my own worst enemy, but my SO managed to wean me off those self-loathing thoughts by listing all the people (or at least, the top twenty among our close friends) who loathe me even more.

You don’t need motivating, as you’ll be strapped down and helpless.

They serve coffee too – and water to help settle the boys’ stomachs, but most Mistresses prefer them unsettled.

Unselfish cruelty

Oh, OK. I’d previously always been told it was barely noticeable.

I dream an impossible dream about unfair maidens.

Oh dear. The poor thing. There is actually one little untruth in the account above – despite being so much younger than her poor dead husband, she’s actually *more* sexually experienced than him, as it happens. But I don’t think those kinds of prurient detail need to come out in court, do you? She’s suffered enough.

Lots of things are handwash-only, these days. For others, I’m allowed to use my mouth too.

I once tried sewing some pads into the base of some shorts I often wear around the house. Of course my SO discovered the ruse… and she was very unhappy about it. As she explained, it not only diminished the efefctiveness of any disciplinary measures she saw fit to impose, it also demonstrated ungratitude for all the efforts she makes. She was quite upset – and after she’d explained the point at length, I really felt her pain and I felt bad about it for a long time afterwards too. Don’t do it, guys.

I guess he got the good genes. And now he’ll have the chance to put some of them inside her.

Oh, and as you’re still here, a couple of links. Not ‘found femdom’ exactly (I think of that as being things in mainstream culture that hit our weirdly-situated buttons), as these are both from professional dominatrices but both are very lovely things that caught my eye.

First, the rather wonderful Domina M has taken to posting free videos on her web site. For the avoidance of doubt, the ‘rather’ in that sentence should be read as British delberate understatement to mean ‘absolutely, fantastically, brilliantly’ wonderful. All the videos are great. Rather cleverly (if I understand correctly), the latest one can be accessed directly, the full set need registration of an email address but are free.

More briefly, I thought this was delightful, reminiscent of course of that Orwell quote: “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.” But more fun than a 1940s vision of a Stalinist totalitarian Britain.

Emotional stupidity

In case you’re wondering why I am posting on a Thursday instead of the usual Friday, the answer is ‘rank incompetence – the idiot’s not even able to read a calendar properly, for goodness’ sake!’.

Nice clean shoes – good job! Now, let’s have that chat.

Thank goodness they reminded him – how embarassing it would have been to have had to admit he’d forgotten the anniversay again.

Surprisingly unsurprisingly “People for the Ethical Treatment of Paypigs” just isn’t a thing.

She seems nice. My SO taught me the right way to do laundry by just whipping me without explanation every time it wasn’t right. We got there, but it was a lot of work for her, poor thing.

Superior wisdom

Every idea I’ve ever had is above my station, I reckon.

Good thing someone thought to bring clothespegs.

Yes. If the pain’s too much, she definitely wants to know, OK?

She can make quite a persuasive argument. In fact, I’m hooked already.

They shouldn’t worry too much. The mistresses there mostly aren’t into heavy pain play. Not with female subs. And with male subs it’s not really ‘play’ anyway.

Funny how I wanted to say “No. No there isn’t! And there won’t be any more coffee for another couple of *months*! How do you like that you… you…” But it came out as “No, I think that was the last, darling. Shall I make some fresh?”

Entzückende

As you’ve probably noticed, this blog features ‘themed posts’ on a Sunday. Well, I… what do you mean you haven’t noticed? You don’t just come here to look at the pretty women and wank, do you? This is supposed to be a conversation between me, the artist, and you sitting there, with your trousers down around your…

OK, well anyway, not exactly a themed post today but I noticed I was doing more and more captions, defacing the lovely image of a lady called Nicola Cavanis, so I thought I’d do a special on her, give her her own tag and so on. I expect she’ll be rather pleased, don’t you?

Remarkably, for a young lovely whose photos are all over the Internet, she appears not to be Russian.

That’s the great thing about femdom – you can just turn many ordinary household implements into sex toys. Whether it’s something sharp, something blunt and heavy or just something vaguely cylindrical and sufficiently large, there’s almost always some kind of scene you can work with it.

Are you going to stand there and let her speak to you like that – you, a grown man? Stamp your foot, dammit – or run to your room, throw yourself onto the bed and scream into the pillow while kicking your feet. She’ll soon realise she can’t treat you this way.

I just can’t imagine why he would have wanted not to spend hours handwashing her panties… what’s wrong with the guy?

Be prepared, sissy, be prepared. I myself never go out without lubing up a little, just in case I should run into one of my SO’s former boyfriends and find myself being whored out to his mates. I’m not saying it happens every time, obviously, but when it does I’m usually glad of a little lubrication back there. I usually carry some mouthwash too – you never know when you’ll need it, do you?

And thank her afterwards

Nothing wrong with a bit of good old-fashioned pain, without all that fetishy nonsense, as my SO likes to say.

My VR settings show all women as fully clothed – even naked ones. Apparently that’s better for me.

Many girls find the sight of a penis and balls revolting – risible, even. But clip on a couple of heavy duty electrodes and most will see the erotic potential.

Actually ejaculating will be another €400 on top of that, by the way, so make sure you’ve got enough. Money, I mean, not semen: you’ve got far too much of that and need to keep it to yourself.

It’s a job with a lot of prospects – most of them quite demeaning and unpleasant.

The lovely ‘Victoria’ from Cruella, of course, with whom (in magazine form) I spent rather more time than was good for me back around 1989 or so.

Something weird with her stuff? The very idea!

A feminine touch

Arguably it should be your father-in-law’s job, but apparently now he’s getting on a bit, his wife’s decided she wants to make sure that every moment of his remaining time with her is spent restrained and in agony, so they could use the help.

Don’t worry, I’m sure the shop assistant will be very understanding. In my experience, they understand perfectly.

He’s certainly getting his money’s worth.

The lovely Mistress Sidonia, of course. An inspiration to everyone who has to do their femdom on a budget: she must have one of the best-equipped facilities in the world but she still knows the value of a wire coat-hanger in really hard-core femdom play.

It’s silly to be squeamsih about a little thing like murdering a male, but some girls are like that.

Written pleadings

It’s not really a choice, as she’ll probably find an excuse to do the bottle thing even after posting the photos. And vice versa. But he doesn’t know that, because males are very stupid creatures.

He’s lucky to have such an understanding Responsible Female; I hope he’ll have the sense not to push that luck too far. Female supporters of men’s lib are a bit weird in my opinion, but even
most of them understandably draw the line at disobedience or answering
back.

Mistress has also learnt from experience that the way to get a really smart, polished pair of shoes or boots is not to have someone slobber over them while masturbating.

She doesn’t really need the meter, given the screaming thing, but it’s nice to be sure and anyway, she has some plans to fill his mouth later.

She’s right. Just remember that and you’ll be fine.

And an extra one, just a little bit o’politics. Just what you’re looking for when you go surfing for femdom porn, right?

Still, inept political commentary incomprehensible to non-Brits notwithstanding, any image containing Morrigan Hel and Goddess Sophia has got to be worth at least a few long, lingering, longing stares, right?