Category: humour(?)

Really specific fetishes

Regular ‘readers’ will know that, although rules are important to me (I’ve experienced too much pain in my relationships not to understand the importance that rules can play) I am not one for laying them down.  However, Rule 18 is an exception, as presumably are at least another 17 rules, but we don’t talk about those.*

Rule 18, of course, is more in the nature of a guideline as it is offered humbly as advice to a novice domme and it states “Try to avoid sessions with clients who have really specific fetishes and can’t get off unless it is done exactly right.” 

There are so many violations of Rule 18 out there it is hard to know where to start, but here are a few more that have caught my eye.

 

Only the smallest of dommes can even hope to pull this one off.

 

 

 

Apparently there have to be three of them and they have to be from similar ethnic backgrounds or ‘it’s just not the same’.  Remember the bit about ‘unless it’s done exactly right?’  That’s why we have Rule 18.




And this is just terrifying.  There are some very sick people out there, if you ask me.



They don’t even get
to swap roles.  The blonde lady once suggested that she could take a
turn holding the feather and declaiming and their client just looked at
her as if she was mad – why would that be erotic?  ‘Exactly right’, remember?  And yes: the plastic kangaroo is part of it too, thank you for asking.




This just looks like good wholesome fun… not sure what kind of fun, but yeah, whatever.  Note the decorative use of plastic beads.




I thought of a
few questions to ask about this one, but I tend to aggravate ‘readers’ when
this blog strays into politics (apart from the female supremacist kind,
of course, but that’s less a political statement than a simple
acknowledgement of reality) so I’m just not going there…




 

OK, I’ll admit that’s rather erotic.

 

 

 

* Except Rule 3, which states “You are not expected to have sex with your clients.  Thank goodness.”  I am preparing a blog post featuring Rule 3 illustrations: i.e. photos with mean-spirited commentary mocking male submissives looking particularly unattractive: grossly overweight or pathetically skinny (fairness does not feature much in Rule 3), gormless or otherwise repulsive, in the finest hypocritical traditions of this nasty little blog and its unpleasant author.  If you’ve ever been photographed in loving adoration of your mistress, you might even feature in it, mightn’t you?  Worth checking out, anyway.

 

So much Rule 18

 Rule 18, for those of you not familiar with this blog, advises dommes to “Try to avoid sessions with clients who have really specific fetishes and can’t get off unless it is done exactly right.”   Obviously, being directed at (or ‘humbly proffered to’) dommes, it is more what you’d call a ‘guideline’ than an actual rule*.  Nonetheless, it seems to me a useful principle and as I wank work my way around the Internet I am forcibly struck by how very often it is flouted**.

Consider the following, for example:

 

He’s been banned from every Michelin dealership in Southern England.

 

 

 

They have to be mainly yellow, but not plain yellow.  Tricky, unless you know where to get them.  You’ve got to admit, though: done correctly, it’s startlingly erotic.

 

 

“Where oh where can that naughty slave of mine have got to? Is he under this table?  No!  Is he hiding behind the ceramic pot?  No!  Hmmm… I can’t seem to find him anywhere.  Heeheehee!  Wait…did I hear someone giggle?   I don’t suppose he could be… inside the zebra, could he?  Could he? Yes!  Yes he could!”

 

 

 

That’s a French ship of the line, probably a 74-gunner.  But the rigging’s all wrong – a shame after she went to so much effort with everything else, but that’s why we have Rule 18, right?

 

 

 

The worst of it is: this outfit is not the Rule 18 fetish.  It’s what she has to wear to perform the Rule 18 fetish safely.  Not for the faint-hearted domme.***

 

Don’t even ask.  Possibly the worst Rule 18 violation yet – that’s all I’m saying.

 

 

* So why did I call it ‘Rule 18’ you might ask?  It’s a good question and I will explain some time.****

** Yes: ‘flouted’ not ‘flaunted’, which would mean essentially the opposite in this context.  Editor Domme may be gone but standards must be maintained. 

*** I’ll admit I haven’t met many of those.  None at all, in fact.

**** Were you expecting a footnote referring to Pirates of the Caribbean, perhaps?

Rule 18

A while ago I published one of my helpful posts aimed at novice dommes and subs, drawing upon my years of experience to give guidance – top tips, so to speak – so the new generation can avoid the mistakes of its predecessors. 

Within that, I suggested what has become known – to me at least – as ‘Servitor’s Rule 18’, namely:

 

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7UlL2mRvU8Y/XgzH_-XPRbI/AAAAAAAANNM/qKX2yEBYCfUqBm5r5BDDZNSCzVHSENF2ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/SC_Caption_Novicedomme18.jpg 

 

Since then, I keep coming across* images online which can only cause me to think that no one reads this blog.  Rule 18 violations abound.  Here are a few – just a few – examples

 

 

CFEM play: Clothed Female, Exhibited Male.  Note, however, that most clients admitting to a fetish for ‘exhibitionism’ are unlikely to be seeking to be put in a glass case with a small type-written card explaining their provenance and archaeological significance. But for those that do: Rule 18 applies.

 

 

Eskimo play (more properly called Inuit play nowadays) is actually straightforward enough if you happen to own a punishment igloo and have access to dried seal meat. However, most clients request the domme to wear an outfit (not shown) that can be hot and uncomfortable, so this qualifies for Rule 18.

 

 

 

 

Servitor top tip: if the scene requires knowledge of industrial chemistry it’s probably a Rule 18 violation.

 

 

 

Dalek dress | Doctor who cosplay, Doctor who costumes, Dalek costume
Actually, this one’s quite a turn-on for me.  Now where’s my sonic?

 

 

 

Known in the business as ‘Violet Beauregarde play’, I believe.  Dommes attempting it are advised not to use pumps that can exceed the officially recommended pressure (and if not sure, should undertake the inflation in an open public space).

 

 

 

Ah, yes: ‘Latex nun birdcage guy’.  My SO remembers sessioning with him. She still has the birdcage somewhere.


 

Rule 18… so very Rule 18.

 

 

NB: for anyone taking this all too seriously (a) you’re reading the wrong blog, mate; (b) YKINMK-ETDAMTLN-BIRYKAAMKAFWT**.

 

* Note to self: remember to add feeble ejaculation-related pun down here. 

** Your kink is not my kink – except the dalek and maybe the latex nun – but I respect your kink and anyway my kinks are fucking weird too.  

Not so far, far away

More tales of fairy femdom, especially for those whose dommes do not permit a ‘happy ending’.






If I had three wishes, the world would be a very different place.











She always lost at musical statues, when she was a little girl.  Maybe that’s where her anger comes from?












She’s not the sweet, obedient little princess she might apear, you know.  Anticipating just this sort of thing, she carefully hid a couple of young men in a secret room deep below the castle, to play with if ever her usual toys were taken away from her.  After all, a girl has to have some fun.









Bicycle races are coming your way, so forget all your duties oh yeah!









Ribbit?

Viral captions

So the thing is still out there, doing its thing.  A few more captioned images about the thing.


It seems like it’s been going forever, like the longest ever corner time but without the delicious sense of humiliation.  I suppose it will end eventually, and we creepy freaks can return to abnormality.  One day, perhaps people will even look back on this blog and laugh.  Unlikely, I’ll admit.


For those of you worried I might get ill and die: I have actually been practising social distancing and self isolation since before it was a thing.  Mainly at parties.  Plus, I’m told that to suffer a life-threatening condition, you have to have a life, so I think I’m fine.
























































Clean sweep

A few weeks ago, I published ‘Advice to a novice domme‘ in which, among many other wise and practical ideas, I humbly suggested that dommes should not “assign actual housework tasks to ‘sissy maids’ because they’ll fuck them up and might actually damage your stuff.  All they want to do is mince around with a feather duster and then get spanked, anyway”.


It occurs to me that several sissy maids might be offended, hurt and humiliated by this suggestion.  That’s absolutely fine, of course, no one cares about a few sulky sissies. I’m sure your mistress can wipe that frown off your face, with a few well-aimed slaps from her palm.  And for those who have a humiliation kink, perhaps you should even send me some session fees as compensation, hmm sissy?


But if there are still any sissies out there stamping their little feet, balling their fists together and having squeaky tantrums, here is some actual proof (all images certified collected at random from the Internet, so I think we can agree their accuracy is unquestionable) that you’re all completely useless. 

Proud to present: cleaning sissies, on the job






A little dishwashing mop, sissy? For that task?  Only… I don’t see any dishes there, do you?  Oh – and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a mop quite so pristine…. I’d have thought that if you’ve been working hard using it, it would have been a little discoloured by now? That lady behind you looks quite cross, doesn’t she? But then maybe that’s what you’re hoping for.
Good idea sissy.  Nothing worse than a dusty TV-cabinet.  Let’s fluff that dust up so it settles somewhere else.
Dusting the floor, sissy?  OK, well, whatever.

Not a shoe brush.  And you’re out of uniform, sissy, you bad girl.

Also not a shoe brush. So not a shoe brush.  What is that thing?  Also, sissy, the technique seems to involve your domme standing on one (high-heeled) foot, holding her other foot off the ground, while you flick at the shoe with… with that.  She’s going to be almost as uncomfortable as you are.  Well: until she decides to make you more uncomfortable still, I suppose.

Uh-huh. Might take quite a while to get the whole house done.  Still… I expect you’re paying by the hour, so that’s not her problem.


I don’t even want to think about what’s going on here, but I suspect it’s not conducive to really effective cleaning.
That’s right, sissy.  Mistress is going to be very pleased with you when she looks out through the sparkly clean, erm… lower half of each of her ground floor windows. Dommes never use the top halves of windows; it’s a well-known fact.


 

What is it with sissy maids and feather dusters?



So… let me make sure I understand.  You’ve got the brush from a dustpan and brush set and you’re placing a few bristles from it against the floor?  Right.  And this is intended to accomplish what, exactly? I mean in cleaning terms, rather than sexual gratification, obviously.


Oh good: another feather duster.  And… what are you planning to clean with that, sissy?  The floor?  That mat?  I don’t think so.  Not ‘cleaning’ cleaning.

…and just for avoidance of doubt: if actually instructed to use an inappropriate cleaning implement, then you’d better bend your head down and get on it it, hadn’t you, hmm?  That pert little mouth is for scouring and sponging the kitchen floor, not for answering back, girl!  And don’t you forget it.



Now: for any sissy maid still offended…  Just stop crying, girl, you’re just smudging your make-up and making yourself look even more ridiculous than usual, OK?  Don’t worry: no one’s going to take your feather duster away.  Or your frillies.  Goodness: what a fuss!

Advisory warning

Following the triumphant failure of the long-running series ‘Advice to a novice sub‘, this blog impertinently presents the first batch of a brand new series: ‘Advice to a novice domme’.


How dare I, you ask?  Hmmm.  That’s a good question, actually.











 And most important of all (so why isn’t it #1 – who decides these things anyway?):


…and a bonus image!

Looks like this lovely lady needs to read #18, up there, again. It took her hours to put this lot together and it’s not like he pays any more than anyone else.


Freely given

Some years ago, I decided that as a fairly experienced sub, I had something of a duty to use this platform to share my experiences and advice about visiting professional dommes.  After all, it can be nerve-racking for a first-timer, and it’s hardly something you can ask your friends at work about!  Unless your work is as a male maid for a dominatrix, I suppose.  But that’s quite rare. 

Anyway, the reaction was very positive and it – well, I certainly didn’t get any complaints – and I’m older and even wiser now, so here are a few more tips from Servitor: advice to a novice sub.


No, don’t bother to thank me.  Just the thought of some nervous first-timer walking into a ‘femdomme sex dungeon’ and trying one or more of these ideas out is reward enough!








If you liked these, you’ll find more of this sort of thing by clicking this here link, so I suggest you do so.  If you didn’t like these, you won’t want to click that because you’ll find more things you don’t like.  Perfectly simple, even for boys, yeah?


Oh: and watch out for Servitor’s exciting new series: Advice to a novice domme!  Coming soon.  Ish.

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