feelings of utter inadequacy – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

Office relationships are complicated

Oh! Well, ermm… I mean I’m flattered obviously,
but..

No,
no, it’s not that I’m doing anything else, it’s just that…

Well,
as we’re going to be working together I took the liberty of looking you up on
ratemyboyfriend.com. And it –

– oh, it’s a sort of dating information
site. Women-only. It’s very popular
just now. Most men are in it –

Anyway,
I was looking you up on that and you’re in the five inches or fewer category, you see, and I just think I like to have a slightly larger
penis than yours, if you don’t mind. You
know – I mean I could live with six inches or even a bit less, but…

Sure,
no problem at all. Nothing personal, I
hope you weren’t offended?

Great. Actually, I don’t think it would work out
anyway. I tend to like to go a few
times, so I look for an average of at least three or more per night, and yours
is only 0.6. I guess it doesn’t always
work? I know there are some women who
don’t mind that. But I do.

Oh – and the thing you like to do with the sweaty
trainers? I’m afraid I’m just not
into –

Hmm? Who? Oh, someone called Cindy I think. Probably not her real name. Prostitutes rarely provide them. It was only last Tuesday anyway, so you must
remember –

Sure! Sure, we’ll say no more about it. See you in the team meeting tomorrow! Have a good evening!

Out with the old, in with the new

New year, new…well, more…of the same sort of really…captioned images of female domination!

Obviously.

Sigh. Back to it.

My Significant Other reckons some people over-complicate chastity play. You lock someone up – he’s in chastity. Job done, and you can get on with your life.

Actually, I think one of them has a Girl Guides first aid qualification.

The problem being, of course, that Madame Sarka likes the cooked meat arranged in a gentle curve. And she’s not as lenient.

Independent thought is over-rated. Just take the pill.

It’s best not to worry too much about what people think of you, I find.

New Year resolutions

To mark the passing of the old year, and the beginning of the new, I decided to ask all of the ladies who regularly appear on Contemplating the Divine to share their New Year resolutions with our ‘readers’.

Most of them just told me to fuck off and die, of course, but here are the contributions from those who did not. Oh – and believe me, when these ladies resolve to do something, it does get done.

Apparently I’m going to have some New Year resolutions too, but She hasn’t told me what they are yet. Quite exciting!

,,,and last but always first in my heart…

Awe and shock

They operate a performance management system of penalties and rewards. If you perform badly, you’re punished severely. If you perform well, you’re punished a bit less severely. Probably.

Actually, I have a chapter about dealing with this sort of rejection in my new self-help book, called She’s just not that into you – because you’re a sad little weirdo with a tiny cock.

All sorts of ways that conversation could go. “What key?” would be a bad thing to hear, for instance.

Enjoy.

It’s a good thing someone’s got willpower, anyway.

Kept

I’d like to be.

“Keep”:

to have or retain possession of
to remain or cause to remain in a specified state or condition
to look after or maintain for use, pleasure, etc.
to provide for the upkeep or livelihood of
to support financially, esp in return for sexual favours
to confine or detain or be confined or detained

All of those, please. All of those.

Maybe later you can sneak out, remember the sight of her putting that lipstick on, and howl at the moon.

Such a lot of fuss…

Well, it’s not as if you didn’t have a last orgasm. I mean, one of them has to be. It must have been on your birthday, surely? Oh no, she gave you a tie this year, didn’t she? Well, anyway.

Or, as on this occasion, just decided to leave and make a new life for herself. I expect Ralph will cope OK on his own. He’ll probably forget all about her after a day or two. Dehydration does that.

Woof. Woof woof woof.