Shameful display!




20 minutes? Women, eh?  I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy.  Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control).  On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started.  There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

 

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts. 

Just what I always say.  It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage.  That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think?  I expect they make good use of that.


The whole principle of arguing with women is intrinsically wrong

I’m not claiming the link is really on topic but (a) I like Simon Pegg (b) I like Sally Phillips too – rather a lot (c) she does say that and she topples him too…  After that, it’s less interesting.

Meanwhile, more of this:

She’s right.  You can have a lot more sex in a chastity belt than without one, oddly enough, especially if you’re taken to the right clubs.


Of course Suzie won’t mind at all, but it’s kind of her to ask.  Consent – it’s the foundation of BDSM.

I must say, I find all these lovers’ pet names a bit embarassing, don’t you?  Goodness, if I were Brad I’d be cringing with humiliation right now.

I mean, obviously, the two of you can always use a gag when you play, but I’ve always thought that really spoils the sensation for the woman.  A muffled ‘mmmpph’ can be cute enough, but sometimes what she really needs is a good, sustained session of agonised, terrified screaming.  Yum.

Actually, he is still experiencing a paid-for abduction fantasy.  Only difference being: it’s hers.


 



Marital law


I know how to satisfy my wife sexually.  I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem.  There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say?  She doesn’t mind the screaming?  Oh, OK then.  No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances.  She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though.  You might get lucky, after all!  How many have you got left?  Three?  Oh yes, that should be more than enough.  The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.







Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

Multidisciplinary

Men and their gadgets.  You can give him just as unpleasant a night with some good old-fashioned rope, a cold dripping shower and some nipple clamps.  Why does everything have to be so hi tech?

Regular readers will have gathered by now that this is a very, very hard limit for me.  I’m careful never to tell my SO, though, so it’s just a secret between you, dear Internet, and me.

Sounds like their sex life is about to improve.  Well, hers is.  His doesn’t sound like it’s worth keeping, really.

That is a lot simpler. Like her approach to marital arguments: also very simple indeed.

I am actually very sensitive to gender issues in the workplace.  Painfully sensitive, even.  When women are treated disrespectfully I feel physically bruised: sometimes immediately, sometimes a while later.


Impertinence

 

Well, that doesn’t seem very fair.  I mean, does Andrew have to ask my permission when he comes in and puts his big muddy boots up on my nice clean chairs?  I think not.

And for you.

Mmm… sissy maid play. Sheer erotic indulgence, every day from 6am right through to bedtime. Hope there’s gruel.
Actually he has a surprise for her.  You know those shoes she threw out into the dumpster and thought she’d never see again?  Well…







Suffering fools

Gladly or otherwise.









I never want to be more than two paces behind… for the rest of my life.







I hate having to disturb her when she’s working.  But I can’t just take money from her purse without permission, so…







Tony gets steak and chips… not fair, I say.  But then he does have a night of vigorous sexual activity ahead of him, so I suppose he needs the calories.







Sometimes they get a babysitter, but if they’re not going out until 7.30 or so, it’s easier just to put Paul to bed half an hour early.  I mean it’s not like anything can go wrong, with his mittens fastened to the sides of the cucky-drawer.







Aparently, a lot of condemned prisoners have women writing to them offering sex.  I don’t think that’s going to happen to him, though.

Every lady shall be exalted

… and every husband and man shall be laid low.

You have to ask if you want the built-in sliding cucky drawer, though.  It costs extra.

Divorce can be painful.

My apologies to all of those submissive men out there who are highly skilled at housework, and don’t just use it as an excuse to flounce around humiliatingly in a little maid’s dress in session.  Sorry – I mean, both those submissive men…
Also quite a lot bigger.  They can still do SPH play, though. She’s kept his original one in a jar.

Biting’s not the worst of it. Bloody Rufus.  No friend of mine.




Now do you want to dance or do you want to bite?

nuffin on the telly



Pet play… of a sort.






Shame the marriage went downhill, after what sounds like such a good start.

There’s nothing she enjoys more than a good, long, hard safeword.
No, it didn’t.  But it keeps publishing its blog anyway, out of sheer wilfulness.

Chuck’s never struck me as the sensitive type; but yeah – probably best to ask.


Gender imbalance

I won’t give away the ending. Oh all right then, I will.  The book falls off and he gets the crap beaten out of him with a perspex cane. OK?


Now I understand why they make the interns wear shorts.

erm… Translation?  Rotation?  Summation?

I’ve heard that if you insult the waiting staff in some restaurants, they’ll spit into your food. But I just can’t bring myself to be other than grovellingly respectful to a waitress.  What’s a sub to do?



One day she’ll meet Mr Perfect and won’t feel the need to enslave and degrade him.  One day.




The wrongs of man

are self-evident but can be sorted out by the smack of firm government in the right hands.


 

She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.
Another day, another dollar.  Well… not a whole dollar, obviously.  That’s just a saying.  In fact, they only spend a penny each time.


Huh! I’d like to see him do better.
Maybe try another topic of conversation? I mean – you got her attention. That’s a good start.

See, there he is while she’s telling him how upset she was about his thoughtless gift and all he can think about is how his lungs are burning.  That’s what men are like. It’s a good thing there’s femdom to help set us right, that’s all I can say.