Category: caption

NC NSFW and NTBTS

… that last being ‘not to be taken seriously’.  Anyone actually thinking this blog is serious in any way should erm… well, should try and take themselves out of the gene pool to be honest.*

So, here is the second installment in Servitor’s completely non-sensical, non-serious series on non-consensual BDSM play.  Enjoy.



* Although in practice most of the males reading this blog are unlikely to
be contributing much to the next generation’s gene pool anyway.  I
mean, no offence, guys, but have you looked in a mirror?  Eugh – and that’s before you start explaining your sexual preferences to the partner who’s rapidly pulling on her clothes and thumbing for an Uber.  The only pool of genes you’re going to be contributing to is that dried up stain on the floor, just beneath your computer.  Sorry – but I’m only telling you this because I’m your friend, you know that, right?



Painful conversations



They have a 97% record of safe deliveries, so there’s actually very little to worry about, as long as you’ve been a good husband.

And I’m sure Herbert’s is not a cock he’d like suck either!  So why on earth are they doing it?  Men are odd.

If you’re thinking of trying this, be careful, OK?  Those chastity inspectors are no joke.  She could lose her keyholder licence and you could lose your… well anyway, just be careful, yeah?
Actually, that’s not quite true. She loves her job, but she’d rather be doing ear, nose and throat surgery. That’s where her real interest lies, but apparently you have to do a stint in every department before you can specialise.





Hmm.  It’s tricky, isn’t it?




I can still hear you saying

… you would never break the chain.


Oh, not again…

Do you know, I think I might be so full after all that, I don’t think I could face a dessert? But fortunately, no one cares what I think.

I’ve suffered from a few sexual complaints in my time.
Well, it’s hardly my fault.  I mean – I just glanced at her. For two seconds – three, tops!







It’s tough, being a responsible adult.  So I’ve heard.


Household rulers




I’m normally done in 15 seconds anyway, actually.

Some evenings she likes just to chain him to the cold cellar floor, come upstairs, grab a bottle of Chardonnay and a box of tisues and settle down to a good rom-com on TV.

As long as the first ring goes on OK, erections shouldn’t be a problem.

That is the deal.  I have yet to discover when, if ever, is ‘off shift’.
I seem to spend my whole life charging devices – if it’s not the shock collar, it’s the phone, and all her vibrators need constantly to be fully charged too… modern world, I suppose.


Sexual veneration

I have quite a few tattoos – my SO says it gives her a feeling of ownership. Mostly shopping lists or phone numbers.









Still, she’s wearing a proper medical outfit, so you know you’re safe in professional hands.

Poor Andy.  Bet he felt humiliated!
I’m quite good at scrabble.  I’m rubbish at blow jobs, though… everyone says so.


Looks like someone has forgotten the virtues of kindness!  Honestly, saying such hurtful about Felicity; it’s hardly in the spirit of charity and forgiveness that the Order prescribes, is it? 


The angel at my side…

…. she gives me good advice.

Actually, the idea that men can’t multi-task is a complete myth.  Men who think they can’t just need to meet a woman with the right attitude.  It’s just laziness.
Don’t worry… they don’t tug hard.  She does, but that’ll be the scrotal clip, not the nipple… so not so bad.

Life as a conversation piece.

Oh well. It’s better than coming back down to ‘discuss’ it while they’re still here.  I hate that.
Decisions, decisions.   Thank goodness I never have to make any.

You make a grown man cry





Don’t worry: Janine would never let you be eaten by some cat on the street.  She has her own cat whom she loves dearly.









You can buy her gifts too.  Lots of them, to make sure there are at least a few she’ll like.



 This is the wonderful, clever and creative Lady Sophia Black, who has occasionally had the bad luck to encounter Servitor in person, but managed to come out smiling an evil smile the other side.  She is – needless to say – not at all like the personality depicted in the caption.
  







It’s going to be kind of like the Revenant but without clothes.  Or the bear.  And shorter.







I read a men’s lib magazine once when I was a teeanger – it was being passed around the boys at school, you know.  I didn’t understand much of it, but it suggested that readers try to discuss some of the ideas in it with the women  in their lives, so I asked one of my sisters and she explained it to me at length.











That’s the trouble with marriage problems – one day you think everything’s fine, that you’re in love and nothing can ever disturb that: then before you know it you’re hanging naked on a meat hook about to be castrated. You woinder where it went wrong, you know?  The important thing to remember is that it’s all your fault.