Category: caption

Dark-hearted commentary

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  And so do hunger, cold, discomfort and terror.


It’s actually the sign of a really considerate, thoughful guy not to protest when his date decides to fuck someone else whose more attractive.  Sweet guys like that are the ones that the really hot girls all want to settle down with, eventually. I’m told.
They taste much the same.  Don’t wriggle quite as much while you’re waiting for permission to chew, that’s the only real difference, I find.

He has ambitions to be a Junior Housemaid’s assistant, but I suspect that’s beyond his reach.  Still, one can dream.

If it’s sunny, he’d better wear a hat. Fortunately he has lots of hats: it’s almost the only kind of present he ever gets.*  Everyone seems to think it’s such an original gift idea… it would be heartless to tell them – and despite everything, he’s not a bitter man.

* Thank you Iain M Banks, Use of Weapons.

Excruciatingly pleasurable

Why bring up painful old memories?  She seems nice… maybe it’s time for a fresh start?
Oddly enough, I never experienced corporal punishment as a child.  My SO says we have to make up for lost time, and she’s probably right.  She usually is.

Why do my dates always end up like this?

 

Traditional country sports went through a bit of a low patch in the years between the Foxhunting (Prohibition) Act and the Sexual Offences (Remedial and Preventative Measures) Act, but they’re now more popular than ever, even though men aren’t allowed to take part.  As riders, I mean.







Oh dear.  She’s right, you know.  I am a very, very bad person. Fortunately, this very evening I am visiting someone to whom I have given a lot of money to beat me for my sins.  So that’s all right.

Repent at leisure

My repentence, her leisure.

I often suffer from pain during my SO’s sexual activity.  Usually in the same room, but not always.  Her reaching orgasm sometimes brings relief from the pain – temporarily at any rate – I’m glad to say.
Visiting a domme can be a very spiritual experience.
Oh well.  No real harm done
 The lovely Divine Mistress Heather, who in real life I am sure always makes sure her slaves get exactly the voltage they need: neither more nor (most certainly) less.
See?  She’s not a vicious, unfeeling sadist at all.  She’s a considerate, empathetic sadist.  They’re the worst.
The one on the back’s quite long. I was told it describes in detail the ways I am blessed.


Feminine tuition


 

Just go with it, Robert.  See where it takes you.
He’ll be genius-level.  And that’s just the first batch.
Unlike many dominant ladies, my own SO quite enjoys it when I disagree with her.  Says she finds it stimulating – I do too.

There are some very responsible positions available. Of course, George would have to serve his time as a tampon boy, but do a good job there for a few years and the sky’s the limit.

She’s doing the scene a real service.

Boys will be toys

Maybe I’m just hungry… I expect she’d say that’s because she’s feeding me too often.
Lots of men find it quite hard to turn a woman on, sexually, but if you’re ever lucky enough to meet a real hard-core sadist, you’ll probably find that just doing whatever comes naturally pushes all her buttons in just the right way.
And she’s having sex for both of you now, so it’s quite a lot of work.




Nasty words can leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth.








Bob’s shortlisted for an Oscar, I understand, now.  If he wins, I wonder if he’ll put the credit where it is due in his acceptance speech?  Behind every successful man, they say…

Our youngers and betters

I suppose it never hurts to go through things again, just to make sure.  Well… I don’t mean it never actually hurts – obviously it does hurt – I just mean…. oh , you know.




The longer it goes on, the longer his pleasureable anticipation, I suppose.
I wonder what she has planned for the evening.  For you, that is.
Aww… is there a little furry… hairy, leggy, fangy.. friend in there with you? Or several.
You, by contrast, can easily go quite badly wrong.  But you’ll know when you do.


When a boy loves a woman

He’d give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain, if she said that’s the way it ought to be.


Free healthcare?
Perhaps you could charm her into giving you a free drink.
Any man complaining about how frustrated he feels in chastity is just missing the point.  Still: the wives are involved now, so things should get back on track.
Music has charms.  So does she.
No rush.  He can stay like that for a long time.  Let’s talk through those options.

Brutal loving care

Silly, really, to get rid of stock that’s hardly even damaged, but that’s their policy.

Often, when smokers give up, they undertake some symbolic act of renunciation: crushing the cigarette pack beneath their shoes, for example, or just throwing it onto a fire.  Something like that might be worth trying too, to make clear all that nonsense is in your past, now.

Not sure about the colour swatches, though. I think the traditional dark grey is still best.
I expect they just didn’t get the original joke.  Try explaining it more slowly.


And they say porn doesn’t really cause any harm…


Boss ladies

I understand in most modern social media platforms it’s just one of the standard tickboxes when you sign up.  Of course, you can always choose “Don’t like to say” or “It’s complicated!”

A really skilled domme can plant a billiard ball right up a slave’s anus from the far side of the table.



If it’s any consolation, the male warders are all very nice indeed, as long as the inmates are nice to them.






Love’s often not enough.






When they called the next day, she had a glass of wine and a vibrator ready. You know: just to help her cope with the trauma.

May the Lady make us truly thankful

‘Squeakity’ indeed!  I’d like to point out that I’m actually speaking perfectly normally, just in a very high pitch and with a lot of hysterical shrieking and pleading.

My SO found out once that I’d taken out a book on lock-picking.  She over-reacted completely – as usual! – and after a long and sometimes difficult evening ‘discussing’ it, I had to take it back the very next day.  The librarian was quite pleased: she said there was a long waiting list for it.  All men.

I’ve occasionally wondered what I’d do with all the money, if I won the lottery. I suppose if it ever actually happened, she’d tell me soon enough, though.

It’s perfectly normal. Don’t worry about a thing: you have a long life ahead of you.
She always finds it quite upsetting when this happens.  She’s actually a very nice person – I don’t know why she stays with him.