Category: caption

Contumelious captions

Older husbands might start to find it hard to bend down every morning (and evening, obviously) for the greeting, but there’s a simple solution, especially after retirement – just stay on hands and knees all day.



Mock away.




If you wiggle about, he’ll probably finish quite quickly.


 

They know all the tricks.  Actually, occasionally the ‘clients’ aren’t faking and are genuinely unconscious, but then if they’re hung up and severely whipped, they can’t feel it and no harm done?  Right?  Well, OK, technically some harm maybe, but nothing to get bothered about.

 

 

 

Yup.  I was asked the other day if I’m sexually experienced and – with all due modesty – I did have to say that I thought the stain on the floor in front of my computer table could speak for itself on that particular score!  She looked suitably impressed.

 


 

The thing that’s still around

You know: that thing.   It’s still going, doing its thing – more than ever, in some ways.  Annoying thing.  So here are a few more captions about the thing.









PS – Some readers might be
‘triggered’ by the second of these captions (being ‘triggered’ is
similar to disliking and disagreeing with something, but combined with a
strange compulsion to tell everyone you dislike and disagree with it,
rather than just reading something else).  I do understand that many
people have strong opinions about the thing, for instance preferring
horse medicine to, y’know, medicine that demonstrably works to reduce
human death rates.  I’d be happy to debate your ‘opinions’ on that, just
as soon as you do a medical degree and as long as the opinions can be
subjected to double-blind randomised control trials (oo-er sounds a bit
kinky).  Oh – and you have to understand Simpson’s Paradox, OK?


Sexually impermissive

She is technically a sex worker but then what you are doing is not technically sex, so I think it’s really up to her.


 

 

You could try giving her just a little trouble.  Just to test that wrist action. 

 

 

 

Yeah, it’s not a sexual thing for him.  Or for you, as you’ll discover.

 

 

 

I had a very sheltered upbringing – so much so that I was still a virgin when my second wife divorced me.

 

Obviously.


 

 

 

 

 

 

Begging her pardon

Like many submissive husbands, I have a lot of uncomfortable conversations.  Apparently it’s good for me, though, so I can’t complain.


 

 

Don’t say anything to make her think less of you, as she takes her leave of you – she is trying very hard to keep her vow to love you until death do you part.

 

 

 

The younger generation of female supremacists are less militant, more comfortable in their dealings with the opposite and inferior sex.  I think that’s great.

 

 

 

Can’t you tell she’s tired?

 

 

Actually, she does rather mind but she’s too kind-hearted to refuse her.


 

 

 

 

Unethical statements

Both, probably.

  

 

She’ll have to break me first…. eeek!

 

 

 

Yes, doing the little dance routine should definitely help with the feeling of humiliation.

 

 

 

I’m never sure whether I prefer sand or seaweed for my punishment meals when we’re at the beach.  Not that I actually get to choose, of course.

 

No harm done.  Sissy didn’t need those knees.

 

 

 

 

Missgoverned

Just so there’s no misunderstanding.

 

 

 

Oh dear.  I hope she gets over the embarrassment quickly.

 

 

 

Don’t worry about the whip – her aim’s terrible when she’s a bit sloshed, so you should be fine.

 

 

 

Her colleague Tanya’s not quite so talkative – but don’t worry, she’ll look after you.

 

 

This just gets better and better – first bondage, now she’s phoning a sexy friend and by the sound of it roast turkey when you’ve finished!  And people worry about going off for bondage scenes with complete strangers.


 

Venging angels

Like many guys, I walk around fully conscious of the big swinging padlock between my legs.

 

 

It’s actually a very environmentally-friendly way of disposing of old shoes.

 

 

 

Oh, all right then.  Let’s be daring, for a change.

 

 

It must be weird being vanilla – you do a sexy maid scene and hardly any floor actually gets scrubbed.  I’m not sure I could cope with that kind of unrealistic fantasy.

OWK’s safety record overall was only middling, but that average conceals an important disparity between male and female injuries, the latter being thankfully rare, the former equally thankfully daily.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Embarassingly accurate

I wonder if she’s jealous that she never gets to do the ironing any more?

 

 

 

The girls could probably handle more than ten reasons, but at that point the boys would run out of fingers so it’s probably best not to go there.

 

 

 

Don’t worry, he won’t be there all night.  She’s got a pillory in the bedroom too.  In fact, it’s the same model so he can just stagger there still wearing the cross-piece and it slots right in.


I was too worried about ending up with some embarrassing word tattooed on me in Chinese or Japanese so my SO kindly agreed to do it in English instead – just as well, as it turns out ‘wanker’ doesn’t translate directly.

 

 

 

You could try licking the tears back up.

 

 

 

Oppressive unreality

 

That seems very fair.  In the early days of our marriage my SO would occasionally let me vote on things, although of course she had the tiebreaking vote in case of a 1-1 outcome.  It made me feel empowered and valued, which is presumably why she stopped doing it.


 

No mother-in-law jokes, please – she has many sterling qualities (firmness, willpower, attention to detail) but unfortunately ‘a sense of humour’ is not one of them.

 

 

Fortunately, there are plenty of male disciplinary jobs in the new Matriarchy for former sex-workers – oddly enough, it’s the vanilla ones who’ve been most enthusiastic about it.

 

 

 

Don’t worry: Mistress won’t let her hurt you without good cause.

 

And if you did mind, it really wouldn’t matter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hot and unbothered

People talk a lot about objectification, but really there’s nothing wrong with getting off on the sight of a lovely pair of eyes going all red and tearful as the soap gets rubbed in.


 

 

If it’s hurting it’s working.

 

 

 

Shhh!



‘Ignoring it’ is something that happens a lot so maybe sterner measures are needed.


She’ll be having enough orgasms for both of you – it’s her generous nature.