Category: caption

Captive audience

Or one that would like to be so.

It just goes to show what I always say: that few marital problems can be resolved satisfactorily by cowering away in terror in a cupboard hoping she doesn’t find you.
Don’t worry: nobody’s expecting you to do anything much. They’ll do all the work, just leave it to them.
Probably just a breath mint. My SO receives monthly deliveries of a particularly effective brand of breath mints, with some long and complicated scientific name, from Myanmar. I’ve been taking one a day since soon after we got married and it’s never done me any harm, unlike many other things in our marriage.

Of course, there’s no need to discuss her expectations about you. Those are minimal, at best.

This is the fabulously beautiful and no doubt all-round fabulously fabulous Lady Perse, well worth visiting if you are in Warsaw or even if you are not. Needless to say (but I am conscious most of my readers are male, so even the blindingly obvious may need pointing out), the caption I have put on her divine image in no way represents her actual session practices, which I am sure are safe, sane, consensual and fabulous.

‘Something’? What kind of something? Why are the ladies in these captions so maddeningly unclear?

And what’s more, you’ll be a woman, my daughter

War. They say war changes nothing. But sometimes if nothing changes, war is the only way. These girls didn’t seek the war they fought in but it found them. Then they fought and some of them died. Then they won and some of them came back. Did they come back as heroines? They came back. Plenty didn’t. Those who made it said the war changed them – for good, for bad, who knows? It changed a lot of guys too, mostly for the better. Sure: war changes nothing. But war changes everything, too.

Etc. That stuff’s surprisingly easy to write.

World War M, anyway. When the war between the sexes went hot.

Just tell the truth, subbie. The truth can’t hurt you.

And introducing a new series. World War M: Origins.

Faith, hope and chastity

Wow – Kurt’s just the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he? For next year she’ll probably change the system so it’s the average number of fucks she gets a night that’s your annual limit, rather than the maximum, but for now I guess you get to let yourself go! Or rather, she gets to let you let yourself go.
They’re not the first. Many visitors to the OWK castle reported hearing the rattling of chains and far-off moaning.
Males who were bullies at school usually fail miserably in the workplace, which can be cheering for their victims who end up pursuing successful careers. Female bullies, on the other hand, have the option of a very highly paid career (at least on an hourly rate basis), should they choose to follow it. Or she could be a historian – I mean, her take on Henry VIII is fresh and seems to convey an important truth about the world.
She should have it put it away in a cupboard before someone gets hurt. No where’s that lazy husband of hers, just when he could make himself useful? Oh. Oh yes.
Annoyingly the show cut to a commercial break immediately after this comment and when it returned David, although somewhat red-faced and out of breath, was much more polite. I’ve made enquiries about whether the cameras kept rolling during the break and whether footage exists, but some large gentlemen from Ms Johanssen’s entourage came to inform me that I was wasting my time.

What a forward old man David was, to be sure.

An unfair crack of the whip

It’s the best kind.

Oh, I don’t know. He looks enviably lucky to me.
She’s quite wrong about that: Mark will derive no sexual pleasure at all from spanking you. He’s actually rather gentle and vanilla when it comes to sex, despite his aggressive and violent persona.
I think it shows a lack of ambition on her part, assuming you’ve fucked up like that. My SO wants me to excel in my work, and is never satisfied with anything other than a perfect 10 on all my tasks. One day perhaps I’ll even manage it.
Their service takes care of the basic everyday money extraction aspects of findomme, leaving ladies to concentrate on what they’re really good at: spending it.
Oh well, as long as I’m not the only one dressed like that. Don’t you just hate it when you turn up to some event and you’re the only one naked except for your collar and leash? I know I do.

Femaleficient

A mirror ought to do it.
Don’t worry, she doesn’t object to having your own taste in music, she just won’t allow you to play any of it.
Obviously. Fortunately they have an excellent pain management programme.
Seems a little unfair, as he was paying Supreme Mistress Katharine three times the usual rate already. The lady doing the talking only does vanilla tricks, not femdom, just in case you were thinking of visiting. Says she just doesn’t have the femdom skills, which on the face of it appears to me not to be true, but who am I to argue either with her assertions or her maths?
Don’t let on you’ve never actually done this before. This could be the beginning of a beautiful holiday friendship – or perhaps a rather disgusting but highly practical one, anyway.

Sensual displeasure

My SO called me by the wrong name once… it was a bit difficult: I had to go through all the trouble of changing it legally, so I didn’t have to tell her she was wrong (that can be quite painful), then she remembered and I had to change it back again! Unlike ‘Jerry’ or whatever his name is, I have an entirely unmemorable cock – indeed, women often don’t notice it at all – so that doesn’t help as an aide-memoire. Still, at least I don’t call it ‘sledgehammer’… how embarrassing for him.
Oddly enough, shortly after the Chairman’s ‘business trip’ to the Czech Republic, almost all staff in his company got a pay rise. Women employees did particularly well, taking the female/male pay ratio from 74% to 108%.
Hmm… let’s try. Nope, all good.
Of course, they never forget the Hippocratic oath: first, do no harm, at least not to anyone who doesn’t deserve it or unless you really want to, or it would be funny or something.
There are some very weird fetishes out there. Aren’t you glad you’re normal? I know I am.

Intelligences greater than man’s

“minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic...”

It’s a science fiction special.

Actually, he doesn’t even need to access the control software. All the sexbots that can have dominatrix modes enabled come with a safeword on a piece of paper, at the bottom of the box . Unfortunately, the makers imagined their customers reading the instructions leaflet all the way through at the start of the unpacking process, then carefully following the recommended procedure, step by step. Rather than just tearing it open, ignoring the leaflet and powering their new toy up straight away. Forgetting, in short, that their customers were male and unlikely to have a female assisting in the unpacking process of this particular product. Oh well. Think of it as a learning opportunity.

You want to watch out for those dominatrix sex robots…

Girls cosplay Star Trek for the futuristic vision and for the strong character development, boys for the miniskirts and boots.
Galactic law says that a superior species like theirs has to respect the customs of the planet they invade – and that is what they are doing. Just not the human inhabitants’ customs. Spiders live here too… who’s to say we’re right and they’re wrong?
They say that great inventors are rarely appreciated in their own time. Which is not the case here: these two seem to be very appreciative of the technological breakthrough this chap has produced.
As I always say, there’s nothing girls can do that boys can’t, as long as it is explained slowly enough using simple words, and it’s understood that we’ll probably fuck it up.

Incidentally, in the ‘other’ universe Artemis 9 made a flawless re-entry (female pilots…) but there was an unfortunate misunderstanding when the (tragically male) President greeted the returning heroines. In fairness, everyone agreed that he did have a very slappable face.

Delightfully unpleasant

She did initially feel some sympathy… well, pity, anyway, which is practically the same thing.
To be fair, a dentist trying to act as a professional dominatrix for the first time would probably feel a bit unsure of herself too. It’s best to ignore those fearful, nagging voices that say you can’t do it and just have a go.
My SO once made me lick my own feet clean, after a long day’s pony-play. As I’m in my fifties, you might imagine I’m not supple enough easily to get a foot to my mouth, and you’d be right, but fortunately she had a strong bondage harness that could bring disparate parts of my body closer together and with a lot of effort she finally managed to get me buckled into a position where I could reach. The funniest thing was when she released me just a few short hours after I’d finished cleaning my feet: I couldn’t walk and had to lurch around bent double, for a couple of days. How we laughed! Well, one of us did anyway: the one who matters.
She’s quite possessive about stuff; has a controlling personality. She knows about it and tries not to go too far, but mostly she takes the view that people around her just have to learn to accept it.
I think it’s really important that couples should discuss these things. Many ladies new to chastity play might be surprised just how much fun they can have, talking to their partner about the frequency of release or the likelihood of its being imminent.

Unlikely stories

Longtime ‘readers’ will know that this blog takes particular care over the realism of the scenes it depicts. Specifically: nothing here is intended to be even remotely realistic; the blog aims for zero plausibility and I’m proud to say it usually comes pretty close.

Over the years, I’ve presented scenes from a totalitarian female supremacist future, I’ve traced the history of femdom back a few hundred years and I have written sweet lesbian love stories (not in itself unrealistic, but set against a backdrop of thrilling scientific breakthroughs, as well as savage torture scenes usually resulting in the violent death of almost every male character) in the Serena and Alice series.

But I’m confident I have never before put up a post that takes our beloved femdom scene quite as far away from what we normally think of as ‘reality’ than this. Be warned.

Unreasonable demands

Kitten can be awfully careless, with things that aren’t expensive designer items. She can be quite forgetful too, often letting things she said she’d do drift for months at a time. Months and months. But you have to forgive her.
Dommes are goddesses and should just spend their days in leisurely pursuits such as lounging around wearing uncomfortable rubber and leather gear, having the dirt on their boots pointlessly smeared around by a devoted slave’s tongue.
I will proudly bear the marks of any Mistress who chooses to beat me, as long as she doesn’t object to all the snivelling and frantic pleading for mercy that inevitably ensues once I realise that it’s much less fun in reality.
Try to make the most of it: after all, you’ll almost certainly never be as happy again as you are right now, on honeymoon with your beloved.
Schoolgirls hunt in packs – teachers should always remember that. By the way, in case you are worried, they didn’t like, kill, Mr Hargreaves or anything. I’ve been assured he’s still alive, although obviously the location they keep him in is a closely-guarded secret.