caption – Page 139 – Contemplating the divine

I have to praise Her

Although to be fair, it takes him even longer. Months, usually.

Oh don’t worry – it’s just a caption, she’s not really that unfeeling. Anyway, she got another one, so it all ended up well.

Marriage – it takes some getting used to. Just deciding to eat whenever you feel like it, thinking only of yourself, entering or leaving a room without permission, owning things – you just have to gradually accept that you don’t do that any more.

One femdom swallow does not a summer...oh Im not going there

Refusng to swallow could turn out to be quite hazardous to your health, though.

Mmmmpphrrrnnnghhhh.

Safe words

“Sorry” is usually fairly safe, I find.

Hmmm…

“Yes Mistress” is generally quite harmless too…

Not sure I know of any others.

Another day, another, err…

I used to think it was a load of nonsense, but then I went on a gender sensitivity course and was surprised to discover just how sensitive parts of my body could become.

I have nothing to say.

Isn’t technology wonderful? Just a few fingers swiped across this simple device and all the household chores are done and there’s an extra €10,000 in her bank account. Amazing.

Nothing wrong with a few visible signs of a good healthy loving relationship.

Awe and shock

They operate a performance management system of penalties and rewards. If you perform badly, you’re punished severely. If you perform well, you’re punished a bit less severely. Probably.

Actually, I have a chapter about dealing with this sort of rejection in my new self-help book, called She’s just not that into you – because you’re a sad little weirdo with a tiny cock.

All sorts of ways that conversation could go. “What key?” would be a bad thing to hear, for instance.

Enjoy.

It’s a good thing someone’s got willpower, anyway.

It’s a big enough umbrella, but it’s always me that ends up getting wet

I loved that line, and the image it conveys, when I first heard it as a teenager.

Y at-il un lecteur de ce blog qui sait où je peux trouver un donjon (ou “SM-Studio” ou quelque chose de similaire) à louer pour quelques heures, Paris ou ses environs? S’il vous plaît écrivez dans la section des commentaires si vous en connaissez un. Un grand merci (et je m’excuse pour ce que j’écris le français si mal!).

Back to English. More pictures of incompetently captioned perfection follow.

Not quite dry…

Don’t worry. She’s promised to keep really quiet, when she reaches orgasm.

Awww, c’mon. Don’t be a meanie.

And there you were thinking that Karen hates you! It just goes to show…

They say laughter is the best aphrodisiac. Believe me, it isn’t true.

Marks for bad behaviour

What was his offence? Oh – reading porny blogs on the Internet, I think. Eighteen months with hard labour – he got off quite lightly, wouldn’t you say?

Mmmm. A new experience!.

Just like a mother to remind you of those embarassingtimes over her knee, eh? Last Friday, for example, just before the wedding. That was a bad one.

Freedom is slavery.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E - find out what you mean to her

Well… at least you’re talking. That’s good, right?

Brutal loving care

Femdom captions, captioned pictures of female domination, dominatrix, domina, domme, female led relationships and all that kind of search engine bait, y’know?

Here we go:

To be fair, it wasn’t specifically on the hard limits list you agreed, so she does have every right…

You could start by learning Xin lỗi. That’s ‘Sorry’. You’ll be needing that a lot*.

Confession can be really good for dealing with feelings of guilt. Try it.

Bursting into tears can usually get you a few dollars extra. What price self-respect? Oh, about $2.50, maybe $2.75.

Howwwwwllll!

* Curiously, the same online phrasebook that gave me Xin lỗi also provides Tàu cánh ngầm của tôi đầy lươn – “My hovercraft is full of eels”

http://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/vietnamese.php

A facility for correction

This wonderful lady certainly has one. Thank You, my Lady.

‘Dainty’. Isn’t that a nice word? All dainty down there. And kinda cute.

Oh – and for the orgasm shots they use a body double.

Fortunately, all my girlfriends assured me that I never suffered too much from that particular complaint.

Are you going to let her order you about like that? Are you? Well?

Funny, that, because it always tastes exactly like soap.

Screaming when she comes

I usually find I do.

On with the captioned images of printed circuits. Sorry, I mean female domination. Long day.

And there he was thinking he’d got off lightly for once. Good thing Linda came home.

It’s nice when something you thought was finished gives you just a little bit extra like that.

But you have to pay her €500 first.

I think this is one of those times when it’s just up to you to decide how to take it, you know? On the one hand you could get angry – let’s face it, it was a pretty mean trick. But on the other, you could just be pathetically grateful that they noticed your miserable existence at all, couldn’t you?

Actually, to be entirely accurate, you won’t be able to leave one small corner of the basement.

Little things that make her laugh

…but enough about me. Ha ha.

Actually – not enough about me. I have a question, and as you readers are my favourite people I thought I’d ask you. Does anyone know of a dungeon hire/ SM studio place in Paris? You know – that hires out by the hour or so… do let me know in the comments, if you do.

I wouldn’t go if I were you. She won’t still respect you in the morning, you know. I mean, she doesn’t now.

Hmmm. Could cut through the concrete block perhaps? No, no, that wouldn’t work. Gosh, I love puzzles, don’t you?

Ooooh! A little too close for comfort there? Hmmm?

Consent. No BSDSM relationship should be without it.

Sometimes I’m all excited, really close to an orgasm, you know, and then something happens and I just can’t come. Did that ever happen to you? Just last spring, for example, I was really close and then I forgot to iron her shirt and I couldn’t come for months. The male orgasm…it’s really a mystery, isn’t it?.