Category: caption

Up to her

How can the shopping trip be over when your credit cards are all still below their limits?
Make sure you get a receipt. It’s not that she doesn’t trust you, but £20 is four times your weekly allowance and she doesn’t want you to have to face that kind of temptation.
Men who try reading snip-lit are often disappointed – expecting it to be full of descriptions of vicious gadgets and gore. But women are actually much more interested in the character development. Sure, she’s tied him to the bed and she’s slowly castrating him, but how is that going to make her feel?
It’s actually quite common for the woman to provide most of the love in the relationship.
Oh, and that scene you wrote where she’s standing on your back? Just be a love and make sure there’s a firm hand-hold out of camera shot, will you?
Look at that happy face. Isn’t that worth just a little pain, hmm? Of course it is. So having established that, if instead it’s a lot of pain she inflicts, we’re really only haggling about the price, not the basic principle, right?

Dominant narratives

Try to keep the explanation brief when you do get the chance; she’s going to want to get on.
Thank goodness someone with common sense has stepped in to take charge.

This wonderful lady is Miss Tamara Kenworthy, also known as Samantha Alexandra (but not in any pictures you and I are allowed to look at).

It’s a good thing Kitty’s there for her, because she’s going to need comforting as she tries to adjust to a life without a male partner. Kitty’s good at that.
Ah, that’ll be why she’s not letting you masturbate, then. Feel free to ask if you want a half-way quickie wank: I’m sure she’ll give it careful consideration.
They do say there are no ponts for coming second, but then girls often dislike it when you come first too, so you can’t win. Not that it’s a competition – as my first date pointed out when I challenged her to race me to orgasm (I would have won, if she hadn’t cheated by kicking me so hard in the balls).
Thoroughly and at length.

A fairy tale romance

A fantasy-themed post, so unlike the gritty realism that normally charcterises this blog’s witterings.

Oddly, when Sissylocks later experienced the three paddles, she didn’t like any of them at all.
Well, a 50% chance of a swift painless stomp anyway. Depends on how the coin falls. But don’t worry: they’d never use their witchcraft to try to influence the outcome of a fair wager like that.
What a lovely story. I hope it never ends.
I don’t think those are bears. Bears are usually bigger, hairier and have beards.

The part of Goldilocks in this image was played by the magnificent… oh, you know who that is don’t you? Of course you do. But have you met her and sessioned with her? I have! Lucky lucky me.

If you do get the feeling that the cats might have it, try not to wiggle it or anything, or they’ll start playing with it. Cats can be cruel like that, but they don’t mean any harm: it’s just their natures.
I guess he’s a pup reporter! Sorry…

Someone to look up to

What she doesn’t realise is that I always do my best… it’s just usually rubbish, that’s all. Fortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice at scurrying.
She can resist anything except temptation.
At the OWK there’s always a bucket available, in case one of the slaves feels sick. Usually it’s just the bucket the food comes in, actually.
Of course, I don’t necessarily know that this is actually what happened behind closed doors, and I’m just imagining a scene that happens to fit what I would like it to have been. So… just like the actual series, The Crown, then.
His name won’t go down in the record books along with hers, but his scream will be what a lot of viewers remember, when watching the footage of that historic day. Plus, he got to attend the medal ceremony, curled up and sobbing on the grass by the podium. It did delay his trip to hospital but how many times in your life are you going to be the target of a world-record ball-busting kick?
I guess he was asking for it. But not paying… so unfair.

The boys were falling like an avalanche

Ya ya baby.

I think she has a choice… maybe she should assert herself more? Take control of her own life (as well as yours, obviously).
Actually, the photo was taken just before this shoot went horribly wrong. She slipped and broke a heel, poor thing. And it wasn’t just a clean break at the base where it joins the sole, either: it splintered at a narrow part of the stem so the pair was a complete write off – one of her favourites too. Oh, and as she slipped, all her weight fell onto the saw for a moment, so there was blood all over that bench and… well, the whole day is not one of her happier memories, let’s just put it like that. She had other pairs of shoes, obviously, but that’s not really the point, is it? They were special.

You know where this wonderful image originated, don’t you? Of course you do.

It’s weird how bulls won’t fold and neatly stack their sex partners’ underwear, like a normal person.
No cup of tea for me? Oh well.
I hope they don’t fall out over the inheritance. Of course, it depends which husband dies first.
Dommes work hard. Mine locked me in a box the other day and gave me an entire 24 hour ignoring session, when I’d only expected three hours, and she didn’t charge me any premium over her usual hourly rates! They’re not as cruel and heartless as the image they mostly like to project, dommes, you know.

Books and bookwomen

Naturally, as a high-profile influencer, I get sent all manner of free materials, although regrettably few outright bribes. Most of this stuff goes straight in the bin, or is pulped and force-fed to me, depending on my SO’s mood, but I thought some of the upcoming book titles publishers are pushing might be of interest to those few of my readers who do more than look at the pictures and flick the ‘page down’ key with their spare hand. So, without further ado (what is ‘ado’ anyway?), here are some of those publishers’ blurbs.

I don’t have any information on the likely publication dates for these titles, but they should be available in all disreputable bookshops, so just keep an eye out.

Love conquers all

So it’s best to offer unconditional surrender.

He will. Happy place.
He needn’t worry that his session tribute will, increase, though: instead she has a completely different financial model she intends to apply.
My SO told me on our wedding night that our intercourse had lasted almost exactly 45 seconds too long for her to enjoy it – which I thought odd, as it had only lasted 45 seconds in total. Just the first of many misunderstandings, but we’ve come to understand one another very well now.
They won’t be fresh of course… in fact, by then they’ll probably be rank and fetid. Yum. I hope she’ll warm them up, though. Nothing worse than cold sweaty socks.
I’m sure if she could bend the rules on this occasion, she would. But she doesn’t make the… oh, hang on.
And afterwards it’s easy enough to keep you tight by just moving up one strap-on size each time. It’s surprising – and a bit uncomfortable – how big they go. But Anya has strong pelvic muscles, as she says, so that’s OK.

Never underestimate the power of male stupidity

It’s a force of nature. So are these ladies, fortunately.

Ah yes: trigonometry. That’s all about how much longer diagonal lines are than horizontal ones, isn’t it? And they’re a lot more painful too, if they overlay the earlier ones.
As the famous quote goes: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of irritating subs who need to learn their place and not question their Goddess.” Or something like that.
I once told my SO I thought she ought to pay more attention to my opinions, but I stupidly chose a bad moment for it: apparently it’s rude to talk to someone when they’re sitting on the toilet. Fortunately, I don’t think she heard what I was trying to say.
Many men find corner time a frustrating waste of time, but I’m usually happy standing there: thinking of all the things she cares about that I’m not fucking up during those hours.
It’s OK to cry. Which is just as well… I don’t know how I’d cope with marriage if it wasn’t.
So did they. Until they didn’t. Anyway, line-writing can be part of a loving female-led relationship: I should know, I’ve written that out hundreds if not thousands of times now.

Far and wide of the mark

Regular ‘readers’ of this blog who actually bother to look at the words, instead of just beating off to the pictures of pretty ladies looking stern, will realise that much of its ‘humour’ is inspired by the style of Gary Larson’s cartoon The Far Side.

Where ‘inspired’ in this context means “a pathetic and embarassing attempt to publish femdom porn in a manner that is spuriously justified”

This week’s ‘special’ (no, not your monthly ‘special’, you have to ask Mistress for that) is a collection of captions that are particularly blatant rip-offs of close homages to that style. Without, obviously, either (a) infringing anyone’s intellectual property rights or (b) being funny.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I get paid just as much either way.

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