Category: bride

Fail better

I do that. I’m really good at failing, actually. 

A bit of a shame to call in sick – the girls at work recognised you and have something special planned, whenever you’re next in the office.


Marriage is always a learning experience. She’s just determined to make the learning experience a bit more structured, that’s all.

I’ve always tried to use humour to defuse tense situations. On my very first… time with a woman, if you know what I mean, I was very nervous indeed.  Fortunately she burst out laughing as soon as I’d taken my clothes off, and she was still giggling when her taxi arrived ten minutes later. I’ve always been able to make women laugh: it’s a gift.
I suppose that must mean she has a basement too – they’re all the same, the houses on that row. I wonder what she keeps down there?




Funnily enough, it turns out Prop 677 wasn’t even necessary. Enough Californians worship Anne as a goddess for her to qualify for the religious exemption, so she didn’t have to pay taxes anyway. Still: it was a nice gesture.

Lachrymatrices



The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it.  It’s essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.
She doesn’t mean the bondage. He likes the bondage.  It’s the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won’t like.

There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size.  Not enough demand for it, apparently.  Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so… I can’t really blame them.

And she’ll decide whether you really really need it, or not.
My wife’s very sexually demanding too, but I don’t have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is – just about – affordable on my salary, if I’m careful to economise on everything else.


Desperate househusbands


Oh dear… the guys are sure to laugh at me now.  I mean… ‘LUT’.  Doesn’t mean anything does it?  How ridiculous.






I’m told that masturbating to porn can seriously diminish the male libido over the long run as well, so you just keep on doing what you’re doing, ‘k?
Actually, only one of them is going to be kissing in a very special place. Just after this conversation, the Mistresses decided it would be one orgasm between them, not one each.  But no jealousy, sissies – play nice!
My SO is very good at dealing with feelings of guilt, too.
Edwardian femdom. There’s not enough of it about, in my opinion.


When sorry is the hardest word to shriek




It’s not really ‘permanent’ damage anyway, is it?  I mean, not permanent permanent.  Just to the end of the boy’s life, which is obviously less for the older, over-25 models. Quite a lot less, in some cases.

I’m sure she’ll let them know when she’s good and ready.

Masturbating while looking at pictures of her on the Internet definitely puts you on her fail list too. Sorry.
Hmm… Haven’t heard anything about kissing the bride, yet. Perhaps that’s the surprise she has in mind.
Unfortunately, the thing I’m best at is quaking in fear.  And she doesn’t seem to want that.  Not for this role, anyway.


The weakness in me


If only you could afford her.

The claustrophobes are the easiest to deal with.  They just go in the box: no need for spiders, snakes or anything.

Who needs a fetish club when you can get what you need at home?

Vows.  That’s what’s next.  Lots of vows.

People are her greatest assets.


Respect cannot be earned

It can only be taught.  Something like that, anyway.  Now, more of this.


I’d ‘freely consent’, wouldn’t you?  Well… I mean, I would if I were free, obviously.

I’ll just try to hold it in, I think.  You wouldn’t believe how much fuss Travis makes when I ask him to do that. 

Later on, she started having twice-weekly sessions with her tennis instructor, ironically enough.
With this ring, I thee enslave.

Wow.  You could almost believe she actually intends to do it, huh?  Yum.


When you’re in a fix

just call for the men in tights!






Well… those are two of her spanking aprons, anyway.  She has more.






You never know when you’ll need to do some sudden washing up in the middle of the night.




Hmm..  Turned out they don’t have a vibrator at the reception desk, but they sent up a couple of their room service guys anyway and they were able to sort the problem out, so that was OK.  Pretty impressive customers service, I’d say.



Now you see that’s just typical of my wife – she sends me out to buy the stuff but doesn’t tell me what she wants it for!  Now I’m going to have to buy both – she hasn’t heard the last of this, you know!

The magic’s still there.


Violence is golden

Actually, I understand a day is like a whole beetle year.  So in beetle years, you’ve got, what… 6 minutes left, maybe longer?  And it’s not like you’ll be dying all in one go, anyway.
I don’t have any secret embarassing thoughts about women. They’re all laid out here, for all to see,

A little food goes a long way in the OWK.
Cherishing’s very important.  She’s going to insist on lots of that.







It’s silly to be afraid of the sea, anyway.  You know, you can drown in just a few inches of water, right?  Especially with handcuffs on.  My SO told me that once and likes to remind me of it from time to time. 

I was so upset I cried

… all the way to the chip shop.


It might.
Let’s hope he doesn’t say anything embarrassing.
A male submisive who fantasises about domestic drudgery but actually doesn’t know the first thing about housework?  Wow – pretty crazy idea, huh?
The worst of it is, she doesn’t allow me nearly enough pocket money to even dream of saving up to pay for a session with her. So it’ll be bananas all the way.
She knows, having tested a few to destruction.


Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places.  It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too.  But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point.  I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?