bride – Page 10 – Contemplating the divine

Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places. It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too. But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point. I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?

Makes your feet and fingers glow

No, not that. (Warning: SFW)

This.

I don’t bother too much about fashion myself. Life’s easier when all you wear is a steel collar. I’m never out of style because I’m never allowed out.

Practice makes perfect. Next!

Many brides encounter disappointment on their wedding nights. She just needs to make the best of it and move on, I reckon.

Married couples should try to share one another’s interests. It’s about making an effort: an act of the will. Sure, he’s not so interested in cock, but maybe he could just bend from time to time, hmm? Is it so hard?

I went to see Justice League. I’ve got to say, I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe… oh I don’t know… 20% of the movie is really great but the other 80% was just meh for me. There was some really shoddy camerawork too – like on several occasions, you could clearly see actors in shot, speaking lines and stuff like that, and blocking the view of Gal? That’s just unprofessional.

Pretty brutal

Falling. In love.

That’s right. If you think about it, what could be more sexually empowering than paying another man to undertake the work of actually carrying out the fucking?

Time you got a watch.

Well… as long as there’s nothing perverted involved I suppose it’ll be OK.

I’ve always had this extraordinary talent for perceiving what women are thinking, when they look at me. A knack, you might say.

Marital law

I know how to satisfy my wife sexually. I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem. There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say? She doesn’t mind the screaming? Oh, OK then. No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances. She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though. You might get lucky, after all! How many have you got left? Three? Oh yes, that should be more than enough. The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.

Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

Managed care

Well, I hope she finds something to amuse herself with while you’re busy with all that.

You get to wear a nightie just like hers, too.

And she has a lot more than ten commandments.

I find I do some of my best thinking over a trestle. I think about stuff a lot when I’m there.

Wow. I think that’s the niceest compliment any girl has ever paid me.

Little man you’ve had a busy day

… so it’s time for a spanking, then all tucked up for an early night with hands secured in your special mittens. Don’t worry about wifey – she’ll find something to amuse herself with.

You’ll probably also find that you prefer not to watch sport on TV and you love going to bed early. In fact, you’re going to discover a lot of things about the real you. Isn’t that nice?

I used to worry that women would discover I’m really rubbish in bed. But so far, as luck would have it, the situation just hasn’t arisen, so that’s OK.

There are probably a few things bothering him just at the moment. And there’ll be a few more, quite soon afterwards, I expect.

It’s nice they can sing while they’re working. I mean, having to end another human’s life, it’s a serious and depressing business, isn’t it? Good for them – keeping their spirits up like that.

Ah.. now that takes me back. I remember the very first face-slap of my married life. It was about – oooh, seven seconds after the last face-slap of my unmarried life, as I recall.

Every lady shall be exalted

… and every husband and man shall be laid low.

You have to ask if you want the built-in sliding cucky drawer, though. It costs extra.

Divorce can be painful.

My apologies to all of those submissive men out there who are highly skilled at housework, and don’t just use it as an excuse to flounce around humiliatingly in a little maid’s dress in session. Sorry – I mean, both those submissive men…

Also quite a lot bigger. They can still do SPH play, though. She’s kept his original one in a jar.

Biting’s not the worst of it. Bloody Rufus. No friend of mine.

Sex and violence…

Sex and violence, sex and violence
goes together like a gag and silence…

Fortunately for us, we can only see her front in this picture, so obviously there’s no inappropriate leering from our side.

She’s got a funny story about how he actually proposed – just wait.

Bondage and arachnophobia… quite a stimulating combination, I think.

The lovely Idda Van Munster who will be featured here again, believe me.

…and just to annoy Declan again:


Can I stake a claim for the first use of the word ‘contemporaneous’ in a femdom porn blog, please? *

* Don’t worry – we’re back to normal service after Friday’s maledom special and we are no longer expecting male dominant readers. So it’s OK to use big complicated words and subtle(ish) humour. Yay!

Love hurts

…in all sorts of unexpected ways. But today is the day for celebrating love, harking all the way back to St Valentine himself who found love while incarcerated behind the bars of a prison cell, before being tortured to death. He remains an inspiration to us all.

You can’t run away from love.

She’s working hard for this marriage. Maxim and Sven are probably going to be giving it their all too. So what about you?

Just once.

Love can also express itself through pain, terror, panic – especially when instruments of torture are involved. It’s just part of how it feels, when it’s real, you know?

I had a friend who wanted to give his SO the ultimate gift, and secretly commissioned a designer leather firm to sort it out. Sadly, there was a mix-up and he ended up as about a fifth of a matching armchair and sofa set that was sold to some billionaire in Qatar with more money than taste. But she would have been quite touched by the gesture, had she ever known about it.

Male order brides

Another themed post! Mainly so that I can deliver the excruciatingly weak pun in the title. But nonetheless… brides, we gottem. Or, more accurately, they gottus.