bride – Page 10 – Contemplating the divine

When you’re in a fix

Well… those are two of her spanking aprons, anyway. She has more.

You never know when you’ll need to do some sudden washing up in the middle of the night.

Hmm.. Turned out they don’t have a vibrator at the reception desk, but they sent up a couple of their room service guys anyway and they were able to sort the problem out, so that was OK. Pretty impressive customers service, I’d say.

Now you see that’s just typical of my wife – she sends me out to buy the stuff but doesn’t tell me what she wants it for! Now I’m going to have to buy both – she hasn’t heard the last of this, you know!

The magic’s still there.

Violence is golden

Actually, I understand a day is like a whole beetle year. So in beetle years, you’ve got, what… 6 minutes left, maybe longer? And it’s not like you’ll be dying all in one go, anyway.

I don’t have any secret embarassing thoughts about women. They’re all laid out here, for all to see,

A little food goes a long way in the OWK.

Cherishing’s very important. She’s going to insist on lots of that.

It’s silly to be afraid of the sea, anyway. You know, you can drown in just a few inches of water, right? Especially with handcuffs on. My SO told me that once and likes to remind me of it from time to time.

I was so upset I cried

… all the way to the chip shop.

It might.

Let’s hope he doesn’t say anything embarrassing.

A male submisive who fantasises about domestic drudgery but actually doesn’t know the first thing about housework? Wow – pretty crazy idea, huh?

The worst of it is, she doesn’t allow me nearly enough pocket money to even dream of saving up to pay for a session with her. So it’ll be bananas all the way.

She knows, having tested a few to destruction.

Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places. It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too. But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point. I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?

Makes your feet and fingers glow

No, not that. (Warning: SFW)

This.

I don’t bother too much about fashion myself. Life’s easier when all you wear is a steel collar. I’m never out of style because I’m never allowed out.

Practice makes perfect. Next!

Many brides encounter disappointment on their wedding nights. She just needs to make the best of it and move on, I reckon.

Married couples should try to share one another’s interests. It’s about making an effort: an act of the will. Sure, he’s not so interested in cock, but maybe he could just bend from time to time, hmm? Is it so hard?

I went to see Justice League. I’ve got to say, I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe… oh I don’t know… 20% of the movie is really great but the other 80% was just meh for me. There was some really shoddy camerawork too – like on several occasions, you could clearly see actors in shot, speaking lines and stuff like that, and blocking the view of Gal? That’s just unprofessional.

Pretty brutal

Falling. In love.

That’s right. If you think about it, what could be more sexually empowering than paying another man to undertake the work of actually carrying out the fucking?

Time you got a watch.

Well… as long as there’s nothing perverted involved I suppose it’ll be OK.

I’ve always had this extraordinary talent for perceiving what women are thinking, when they look at me. A knack, you might say.

Marital law

I know how to satisfy my wife sexually. I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem. There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say? She doesn’t mind the screaming? Oh, OK then. No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances. She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though. You might get lucky, after all! How many have you got left? Three? Oh yes, that should be more than enough. The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.

Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

Managed care

Well, I hope she finds something to amuse herself with while you’re busy with all that.

You get to wear a nightie just like hers, too.

And she has a lot more than ten commandments.

I find I do some of my best thinking over a trestle. I think about stuff a lot when I’m there.

Wow. I think that’s the niceest compliment any girl has ever paid me.

Little man you’ve had a busy day

… so it’s time for a spanking, then all tucked up for an early night with hands secured in your special mittens. Don’t worry about wifey – she’ll find something to amuse herself with.

You’ll probably also find that you prefer not to watch sport on TV and you love going to bed early. In fact, you’re going to discover a lot of things about the real you. Isn’t that nice?

I used to worry that women would discover I’m really rubbish in bed. But so far, as luck would have it, the situation just hasn’t arisen, so that’s OK.

There are probably a few things bothering him just at the moment. And there’ll be a few more, quite soon afterwards, I expect.

It’s nice they can sing while they’re working. I mean, having to end another human’s life, it’s a serious and depressing business, isn’t it? Good for them – keeping their spirits up like that.

Ah.. now that takes me back. I remember the very first face-slap of my married life. It was about – oooh, seven seconds after the last face-slap of my unmarried life, as I recall.

Every lady shall be exalted

… and every husband and man shall be laid low.

You have to ask if you want the built-in sliding cucky drawer, though. It costs extra.

Divorce can be painful.

My apologies to all of those submissive men out there who are highly skilled at housework, and don’t just use it as an excuse to flounce around humiliatingly in a little maid’s dress in session. Sorry – I mean, both those submissive men…

Also quite a lot bigger. They can still do SPH play, though. She’s kept his original one in a jar.

Biting’s not the worst of it. Bloody Rufus. No friend of mine.