Category: blonde

Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money.  Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training.  I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns.  But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes.  Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.
 The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather.  Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I?  OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.
No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…


Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house.  Never mind.  Here are some wintrish captions.


It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical.  I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well.  At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment.  Back to your squalid and pointless existence.
The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters.  Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body.  The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’.  Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.


OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough.  I spent six hours in it once. 


Bring me to my knees

Mistress Chrissie always does.


Witchcraft? Oh what nonsens

Apparently, they’ve just discovered a new treatment that prevents testicular cancer altogether.  My SO has arranged for me to have it next week – wasn’t that thoughtful of her?
Could be the solution to our over-stretched prison service.  I happen to know several ladies in London who own cells, cages and suchlike – they should get in touch with the Home Office, offer to help out.
She does extras. Tip her enough and she’ll even fake laughing at your jokes.





She’s making mushroom surprise.






Sexual repression



I have my testosterone levels checked twice a year.  They’ve never found any yet, but you can’t be too careful about these things.
I’m delighted to say my SO reaches orgasm every time she has sex.  I can usually hear it even from my cage down in the cellar.
Who said she was pissed off?  A bit disrespectful, if you ask me.  I reckon Dave should report him for that.

Don’t worry, it won’t kill you.  Not at only two a day.

I’m tempted to say somethng about ‘hanging around’ but I don’t want to beaten up by irate readers… oh hang on, yes I do.


Penile servitude

It turns out they did get the sugar, but it was a little untidily heaped in the bowl, so, you know…






Bad interns get spanked. Good interns get spanked and made to wear little lacy panties too.

I had to go to court once.  The lady magistrate ordered me to be bound over to keep the peace.  But apparently that doesn’t mean what you might think.  Who knew?  I just started to get myself ready, then and there, but… it’s a long story but anyway, I ended up sentenced to six months with hard labour for an obscene display in contempt of court.  So that turned out quite well in the end.

Odd thing to say. I think she looks very nice.

And that’s before they start.


Mistress of arts

Women, eh? You can’t just straight-out discuss something, she has to set up the whole situation just right to ‘discuss it’. Oh well.  Better humour her.

That’s a very wide hole. Still, maybe there are some guys who need that.  Not jealous…

Phew.  That could have gone quite badly.  Remember the time you bought that fur coat in the wrong shade of silver?
I wonder if in the years to come, he’ll regret not having signed more forms?  After all, it’s not going to be easy to sign anything, when she’s done with him.
 This of course is the sweet and kindly Mistress Jo, of Cruella and British Institution fame.  She’s just a softie really.
That’s something we’ve seen a lot of this year – this contemptuous attitude to ‘experts’.  She could easily double the efficiency of the plant by not sitting on it, for example, but you just try telling her that…


I worked eleven hours and bought the girl some flowers

Makes it all worthwhile (trigger warning: link contains scenes of male equality and ordinary life).

It’s amazing how much easier the invention of electricity has made these simple tasks. In the old days she’d have had to bend you over, whack you with a birch rod or something… now she just presses a button enough times, and presto you’re balancing books! We have a lot to be thankful for.






Most of the book’s concerned with proper cleaning and ironing of military uniforms.  You’ll be discovering a lot about that, later on. Still – first things first.






Caption writing’s like that.  At first, you really agonise about whether you’ve tersely managed to capture the essence of a scene, but after a while you realise you can just publish any old crap and the sad wankers who read your blog will keep coming anyway, because they only want to look at the pictures.  Which is really great if you run out of original or clever ideas!

Dommes in the city.




Don’t worry. She‘s not going to have to stay on duty for fourteen hours.  They share the time between three of them. It’s quite tiring work, whipping men into carrying great piles of stones around, after all.

Domestic violence

I want readers of this blog to be quite clear: I am totally opposed to domestic violence.  Luckily for me, She isn’t.

She’s not a morning person.  Nor was he before he got married, come to think of it.





Jean and Roger are pretty cool, for a couple in their late 70s, huh?








Mnemonics very easily make juvenile subbies utterly nervous.






I suppose a tip is out of the question?
 The wonderful Lexi Sindel of course, who can be observed from a suitably safe distance at English Mansion and Femdom Empire, amongst other places.




Divorce can be a painful process.






Pay to obey

I do.

Just remember to tell yourself that he’s just as humiliated by this as you are, OK?
Don’t listen to them.  There’s plenty of kinky three-way sex in your future – it’s one of the most popular activities at the leather bar they’re selling you to.

 

I could probably work with it, to be honest.

 

You know, I think sooner or later I have failed every single ‘challenge’ a domme’s ever set for me in session.  I’m beginning to think they might be rigged.

 

It’s good she isn’t letting a little thing like that rock her confidence.  I’m sure her former client wouldn’t have wanted that.

 

Unrequited contempt

It’s always best to ask women in advance what they want. Imagine how awful it would be to spend an hour or two every day for a year writing 36,500 lines only to find out she’d really have preferred something else.

That’s not how many kicks you’re actually going to get, you understand.  She just wants to understand how guilty you feel.

With Brexit it’s probably a good idea to own a few professionals based in Germany or France, too.  You know – diversify.

Just take one whenever you experience feelings of adequacy or self-confidence.

What an honour.