animals – Contemplating the divine

Paradox girl, mighty woman,you are the thing that terrifies them.

Don’t worry, she’ll adhere strictly to the conditions in the contract you just signed. You did read it, right?

It’s understandable: most operations on males don’t require anesthetic.

Next time she might try just not turning up. Testing your limits… you see?

No animals were or will be harmed in the making of this torture-snuff caption.

That is a good mnemonic: works for lots of things.

Fortunately they were able to use agency photos to illustrate the article as the camera-sissy’s hands were shaking too much with shy excitement to do justice to Mistress Kate’s flowing locks.

I know I’ve got to get out and cry

Yes, the easily recognised lyrics from what is perhaps the most 1980s big-hair video ever signals not a post about 1980s magazines, but rather an increasingly desperate attempt to find titles vaguely related to ‘turning’ because this, ladies and scum, is a ‘turning point’ post.

Again.

Strictly controlled

It’s actually an important sign of how well a relationship is developing, when a couple can both be in the bathroom at the same time without embarassment. I can still remember the first time the woman who became my SO came into the bathroom to pee, while I was there. I wanted to leave, but I was much too firmly tied in position to go anywhere, and as the ring gag prevented me saying anything, I just had to lie there while she did her business – which I found quite distasteful at the time, but it was the first of many such intimate moments and nowadays it just seems routine.

But if you don’t, then there’s ‘fear of missing out’ so really you don’t have any easy options.

It takes a lot of control and self-discipline to be a ballerina, so laundry boy’s going to have to up his standards to meet theirs. Good of so many of them to make the effort to help help him see how he needs to improve, especially after a long hard rehearsal.

Ironically enough, she actually does believe that all men should be treated equally and with exactly the same degree of dignity.

Don’t worry: Sami won’t do anything unless her owner lets her.

My own subconscious often seeks out brutal punishment beatings, usually by making me behave in an “irritating” manner without any conscious intent to do so. Funny things, minds. Even male ones, which must be relatively simple.

Celebrating indifference

Try not to cry into the food as you’re preparing it; she’s trying to keep her salt intake down.

As you can tell, she’s in a kind mood. Normally she’d make them fight, instead of the kangaroo-jumping thing.

Nothing like it to wake you up in the morning.

Some might say that all sexism offences are serious, but there needs to be some clemency and forgiveness in the system, so for the first ‘blonde joke’ offence, for example, the law mandates only a six-month term in a re-education camp with hard labour. The survival rate is pretty high, although obviously lower in facilities with more blonde guards.

Of course, the big number that brings everyone clapping to their feet is *Time to cut you, my dear!* towards the end of the second act.

She knows, she just doesn’t care

Erm, right, thank you, Ma’am.. Miss… Ma’am. Yes… well, you see, it’s like this. I don’t – or at least, let me start another way, erm…well, I’ve been thinking, erm… in my own time, obviously, and, errr… well…

Salmon? What – real fresh salmon? Then how is she ever going to persude him to eat the tin of disgusting, gristly cat food with jelly I saw her get out? I’m not sure she’s thought this through.

What an astonishing plot arc. They’ll win prizes for originality for that, for sure.

Marie’s not really selfish. She was just enjoying herself so much she didn’t think about how much she was leaving for others to play with, that’s all. Don’t judge her harshly.

Don’t worry: these bouts are more about play-acting than real violence. Anyway, I expect the medics can sew it back on; I’m pretty sure she didn’t swallow.

Looks like a nice gentle start to the session… maybe you should try some brattish behaviour, to liven things up?

Torturous logic

She’s right, of course. Quite early in my marriage, I realised that what I naively thought of as ‘too much pain’ was, when viewed in proper perspective, ‘not enough pain’. It’s funny how wrong men can be about such things.

Speaking of Orgasm Day – guess what? Thursday’s mine! Yes, every February 29th, regular as clockwork, I get to have an orgasm. Unless my behaviour has been particularly bad, obviously, or if she’s too busy. She suggested the date herself – I’d wanted some time in June, but apparently this is much better.

This is one of the tasks you’ll be judged on, so do it right.

Nothing wrong with enjoying your job, I say.

What if I’m not ready? Hmm? What do you suppose she’ll – AAH!

I hadn’t realised she owned a big dog… I guess that’s why she has that big cage in the garden.

Give me shudders in a whisper

Perhaps she should leave him out there for a while, to help him understand the mistake he made. A little cruel, perhaps, but as my SO says: sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Not that she’s in favour of actually being kind, you understand, but she likes to cover all the bases.

I always try to be brave in session, as they say it’s only through failure that we really learn.

Actually, a well-trained python can provide an exciting twist to bondage play – or to a tight-lacing scene, for that matter.

I once bought a blow-up sex doll and it was actually a much more realistic experience than I’d expected – the shipping company delivered it to some other guy to fuck and charged me extra for the meal he had delivered.

Actually, there really ought to be a ‘k’ in electrode, as it’s from the greek ‘ἤλεκτρον’ meaning amber. I once dated a girl called Amber and as she was clamping the wires onto my genitals, I realised what an odd coincidence that was and was just about to point it out, when she flicked the switch and obviously then I was far too busy writhing, screaming and desperately pleading for mercy to say anything. Then she put it on a timer and went home. So it wasn’t, like, a serious relationship or anything but I think of her fondly.

She’s much misunderstood. And she so dislikes being misunderstood – just ask Gordon.

Apropos nothing whatsoever, I thought this was very lovely. She can definitely come to my funeral dressed like that! No, hang on, erm… someone else’s funeral that I’m at…. but not someone so close to me I’d be too sad to perve. Oh, heck it doesn’t even need to be a funeral at all.

Dressed to suppress

You should stop asking… makes you come across as kind-of obsessive, and needy, you know? Just play it cool, say nothing and I expect she’ll make sure it happens when you really need it – and maybe even when you least expect it.

Looks good on her, but then she’s not attached to the wall by a chain clipped to her genitals, desperately gasping for short breaths.

Hah – actually the investment bank of which he is finance director has investments in several app developer start-ups. So I expect he knows all about it. And if not, there’s nothing like a sequence of electric shocks to to the cock to help you learn something quickly, believe me.

They’re just redistributing the wealth. From each according to how much she wants from him, to each according to whatever the little fucker deserves.

Good thing she had a humiliation session booked later the day she discovered the putrefying remains.