Yes, it’s time for more of those highly inaccurate (and entirely made-up) reminiscences by the very first contingent of Ladies from the Other World Kingdom. Blatant homage or affectionate rip-off? Or should that be the other way around? You decide. Or don’t, if you’d rather not.
* Apologies – not a new post. For a long time I have been getting 4-5 obviously automated and spammy comments per day, all of them on this post which was published on June 15th. I don’t want to restrict commenting, so I have been deleting them manually. But it’s getting worse and today I got about 30. All on the one post… which is pretty f***ing stupid even for an algorithm.
Some of the generic messages are actually quite funny, given the content of the blog and the post below especially. e.g. “My co-workers think I’m wasting too much time reading this blog, but it gives me so much useful information for my life.” I’d certainly like to have seen the spammer who designed the algorithm spend some time in the OWK
I was in High School walking down a corridor, when I saw Mr Trent, my Geography Teacher, talking to a group of Senior Teachers.
”Hey, Mr Trent, can I speak to you, please?”
”You can see I am busy, Zoe. I will see you in class, ok?”
”You misunderstand me Mr Trent. I was being polite, but it was an order. You know how that works, ok?”
”I am busy, Zoe. Please go away.”
”Mr Smith, Mr Bentley, Mr Todd, you understand I want to speak to Mr Trent, don’t you?”
”We do, Zoe.”
”Yes, sure Zoe. Perhaps it is better if you don’t annoy Zoe, Mr Trent.”
”We have really finished anyways, Mr Trent. I am so sorry, Zoe, we will go and you can talk to Mr Trent, OK? ”
”Zoe, please….”
”Come with me into this empty classroom, OK? You are in big trouble with me, Mr Trent.”
”I am the teacher……”
”Shhh, Mr Trent, close the door, please.”
”Mr Trent. You gave me a C+ for my test. The only question I got wrong was describing an Oxbow lake. That is right, isn’t it?”
”Yes Miss. But you put that Brazil was in Africa and that Colombia is an Island in the Indian Ocean. Both are incorrect. You seem to have no understanding of basic Geography. It is not good enough. C+ was generous, Zoe.”
I looked at Mr Trent with pity. I noticed him looking at my long, brown legs. I could see he was hard in his pants. I am not used to being spoken to with such disrespect as all the teachers are afraid of my raw power. The silence was palpable as I considered my response.
”Go away now, Mr Trent. Consider how you are going to make amends for your rudeness. You will give me, by tomorrow 1000 handwritten lines. That will be your apology. If you refuse then I will speak to the Headteacher, and she will discipline you. Get out of my f***ing sight you ar***ole.”
”Zoe, you can’t speak to me in that way. But…I am sorry. I can see I have crossed a line and you are right. It is so unfair Zoe. I am sorry. I was only trying to educate you. I know the bad consequences of upsetting you, Zoe. I will go and write the lines now. What words would you like me to write, Miss Zoe.”
”Oh, Let me see? How about ‘I am a worm in comparison with the Goddess. I am sorry I don’t know where Brazil is located. I will try harder to please Zoe? Scurry off then, Mr Trent.”
Zoe
Mr Trent came to me in the playground, under the Apple Tree. He had brought the lines, and his general demeanor and attitude had changed.
”Good morning, Miss Zoe.”
”Hi, Mr Trent.”
”Here are the lines you set me, Miss.”
”OK.”
”Are you going to read them, Miss?”
”Just put them down by my feet, and then disappear, OK?”
”But, Miss, I spent some considerable time on them. Please check them and then let me go to my classroom.”
”You see, Mr Trent, this is how this goes. All the kids in the playground know that you have annoyed me and are probably apologizing, or something like that, OK? So. your place has been established as far beneath me, and every other girl in this school. Now I will tell you what you are going to do , OK?”
”Yes, ma’am. I am sorry, I understand you are my superior, Miss Zoe. What do you want me to do.”
”What did I say a few moments ago?”
”Disappear, Miss.”
”So, disappear then.”
I never had more trouble with Mr Trent. Just goes to show that if you treat them strictly from the beginning they soon learn their place in the Universe.
Zoe
Thank you, Ms Zoe. What business was it of Mr Trent’s where you decide to put Brazil or Colombia, after all? Pettifogging and pedantic book learning should never be set above the golden principle of “Because she says so.” Looks like Mr Trent finally learnt that.
Teenage girls can be quite impressionable, so I’m glad so many will have had the benefit of you as a role model.
Best wishes
S