Hi! Yes, I saw your website and I was wondering if I could make an appointment?
Oh no! No, I’m not a lesbian. Not at all. No, it’s for someone else – well, my husband actually.
Yes, that’s right.
Well, I was wondering if I could have him caned.
Yes. Like the governess scenario, on your ‘practices’ page.
No, no he’s never visited ermm…anyone like you before. He’s not into that stuff. I just want him caned to punish him for gambling. He’s really got a problem with it, and I thought that if –
“Consensual”? What do you mean?
Oh, I see. Yes – he’s consented. We discussed this and he agreed. I told him I’d divorce him if he didn’t, and I have all the money, you see, so –
Yes, that’s right. OK, well I’ll make sure he brings along a note or something that says that.
Hmmm? What do you mean? What’s a ‘safeword’?
Oh. No, I don’t think we want one of those, thanks.
Do you? Oh, I see.
Well how about if I have the safeword? Then you could call me if – No? Oh.
Hmmm… I didn’t think that would be a problem. I mean, your website says you’re merciless, and –
Yes, OK. (Sigh) I understand.
Well I guess if he has to have a safeword, he has to have one. But can you give me a call afterwards and let me know whether he used it? And I’ll make sure he understands that it doesn’t count if he does.
So, can we say, ermmm, 5pm? Yes, today. Is that a problem? He can come over right now you see, so….
Oh, I see. Yes, you’re probably right. Let’s give him a sleepless night. Tomorrow at 10am, then.
OK, well, errr… what else do you need to know?
Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you decide how many? It’s always six of the best in the old stories, isn’t it? That doesn’t sound like very much, though. What do you think?
How much money was it? Well, that doesn’t really matter. It’s the principle. No, no – it was my money. He took money from our joint bank account, and gambled it. And he’s done it before too.
Yes, I know. Well it’s not a joint bank account any more.
Yes, 24 sounds great. Good hard ones, yes? With a big heavy cane?
Really? A lighter one? Why? I’m really cross with him, you see, so I wanted to make sure that –
Oh, I see. What, because it’s more whippy, I suppose? Yes, I suppose it would be. OK, well you’re the professional. Whatever you think will hurt most.
OK then, so how much is this going to… Gosh – as much as that?
No, no, that’s fine. I just had no idea how much these things cost. It’ll be well worth it, if it keeps him out of those casinos. Fine.
…although – I was thinking of maybe setting up a regular appointment. Monthly or something. Would there be any kind of discount, if –
Oh. OK. Well, fair enough. OK, that’s fine. He’ll bring the money with him.
I think that’s one wad of cash he won’t dare gamble away!
Fine… listen….errm….I hope you’re not offended, only…well I don’t know anything about this, so I’m just asking…you don’t, erm, have sex with the, erm, clients, do you?
Oh, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to suggest – no, no, of course you don’t. That’s fine, that’s great. I’m sorry I asked.
What’s that? Oh really?
Yes, that sounds like a great idea. And men actually let you… wow. Yes, I’ll certainly have a look at that page. What’s the word again? “Keyholder services”? Right. Got it.
Well, let me think about that. You’re going to give me a call after his appointment anyway, aren’t you? Just to confirm he didn’t use the password.
Sorry, yes, safeword.
OK, well maybe we can talk about keyholding then. I’ll have a look.
Fine. Well, thank you so much. I look forward to hearing all about it.