A different format. Though I’ve done something like this once before.
My favourite verse, lightly adapted:
| Grande Déesse! Par des mains enchaînées | |
| Nos fronts sous le joug se ploieraient | |
| De viles despotesses deviendraient | |
| Les maîtresses de nos destinées ! |
Francophony or not, we can surely all celebrate a day named after a dark and gloomy dungeonlike prison in which unspeakable tortures took place, and even the Marquis de Sade (surely worth celebrating in our community, despite his peculiar ideas about which sex should whip the other) was imprisoned, so –
What’s that? Bastille Day celebrates the liberation of the prisoners? Oh dear me, we can’t be doing with that. Bloody French; get everything backwards. Never mind, forget it, relâchez-vous!
Marchons! Marchons!
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| She’s always had a kind generous nature like that. One of those people who loves doing favours for her friends, you know? |
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| Good thing you clarified that. It’ll be all right now. |
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| Imagine not being turned on by the thought of whipping! Some people are so weird. |
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| You had one job. |
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| Isn’t that romantic? |
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| I’m sure she’s very fair-minded. |
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| And afterwards… especially afterwards. |
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| Hmmm. What a bit of luck to catch you cheating on her just as she was next to a shop selling whips! |
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| Just one less thing to worry about. |
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| You’d better. |
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| Apologies to anyone offended by this image of a male actually experiencing sexual pleasure. Don’t worry – he’ll be made to suffer for it later. |
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| Time for a witty, cutting rejoinder, I think. Just try to think of one. |
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| Details, details. Women – why do they always have to explain everything like that? |
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| These details matter to her. So now they matter to you. |
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| A very fair point. On with the spreader gag and let’s give it a go! |
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| Extra Anne for the anonymous commenters who rightly pointed out that the captioned image of Anne in a space suit last time was a repost. Just a silly mistake, by an old fool. |
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| Sex..?. Don’t talk to me about sex. I tried it once – not tryin’ that again. Nearly got me ‘ead stuck! Joke copyright Alexei Sayle. |
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| It’s wilful impertinence on your part. So’s being too early, obviously. |
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| Scurry scurry scurry… |
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| Don’t worry. She’s quite sweet, really. When she’s not in a bad mood. |
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| In space, no one can hear you sigh with hopeless romantic infatuation… |
You in that dress
My thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Oh, come on Eileen..pleeease.
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| It’s good to be fit. You get to be flogged further, before collapsing. |
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| Oh, OK. And I suppose my opinion counts for nothing, here? |
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| Good thing you have an ironing fetish! You don’t? Oh. Oh well. |
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| Shall I compare thee to a… errrr… purple cucumber? Thou art more knobbly and thy veins pulse with lust… |
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| One of my virtual girlfriends is programmed to find out about the others, and ridicule me. Actually, that’s not true. I can’t keep a virtual girlfriend for long. They always reject me. So unkind… |
(no one’s gonna wanna know yer… trigger warning: vanilla video unrelated to femdom)
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| It took him ages to get her interested in golf, you know. |
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| Men can be such drama queens. Getting upset over the littlest things. |
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| Oh, OK. As long as I know. Thanks. |
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| What a sad little caption. Sad little servitor wrote it. |
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| Press them but not mount them. |
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| Aooooarrrahhh-oooo, eeehhhhuuuh! |
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| I’m sure we’ve all been there. |
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| That’s true, actually. I mean, I certainly don’t experience pain the way my Significant Other does. I experience it a lot more frequently, for a start. |
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| “Just” in the sense of “only” |
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| Hmm. 16 orgasms in less than a minute. Quite a performance. Let’s try not to repeat it. |
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| When only the very best is good enough. |
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| Its nice when a man can get involved in his girlfriend’s hobby, don’t you think? |
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| Oh! Oh! Here’s one! How many blondes does it take to whip an impertinent male until he’s crying helplessly for mercy? Hmm? |
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| It’s better to give than to receive. |
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| S&M in mainstream advertising… always a pleasant find. |