Category: humour(?)

These women’s work

Pray God you can cope

As they say, it’s no humiliation to beg pitifully. Don’t they? I’m sure they say something like that, they say all sorts of things.
Women’s football is so exciting… just look at all those clothes getting sweaty and boots muddy. I’d be queuing up at the changing room door, hoping to be picked.
Very considerate of her, but I doubt the others really mind.
Theyu have all sorts of codewords, to keep the real activity hidden. For example, if a client requests the ‘steam pressing service’ then the victim is placed in a huge steel press and slowly crushed while being blasted with boiling hot steam. OK, maybe that particular codeword is a bit obvious, but they have others too.
Ah, another of those ‘opportunities’. Bizarrely, when I’m placed in that situation, I can rarely think of anything very coherent to say.
People assume the OWK was all torture and savage beatings and long nights shivering in a cold prison cell – and it was, obviously, but with a lot of laughter too.

Books do furnish a dungeon

Due to the unparalleled reach of this blog (other blogs may – indeed do – reach more people and indeed many of the same people, but none will be exactly parallel), book publishers tend to send me ‘flyers’ for their latest publications. I thought I might as well chuck them onto the blog, as you lot will wank to anything with pretty girls saying vaguely pervy things, and it’s a lot easier than doing anything creative.

Available in all good bookshops, but you might have to go along way to find a bookshop good enough, these days.

It’s the best rule there is

Been a while since I did a post about Rule 18. Why? Oh, probably because that series isn’t really femdom and no one likes it. But I was thinking… do I actually care what my readers like? Do they deserve to see stuff they like? The answer to both questions has to be no, of course not. And you know you don’t deserve that, if you’re honest with yourselves, don’t you, hmm? That’s right. So this is what you get today.

For anyone confused, beyond the normal male mental fog, ‘Rule 18’ is from Servitor’s (rather presumptuous and impertinent) advice to a novice domme and it states “try to avoid sessions with clients who have really specific fetishes and can’t get off unless it is exactly right.”

Mostly just silly pictures, but some have captions. Oh – and at the end, some illustrations of why Rule 3 matters, too.

To comply with decency laws, the picture has been cropped to avoid showing what is holding up the central peg. Incidentally, in English croquet, unlike the American version, you don’t hold either of the pairs of balls down with your foot when you whack them with the mallet. Though that does sound fun.
“Of course it is! Gahhh – it’s ruined now!” (Rule 18, ma’am, rule 18…)
And this one too. He said green wellies, dammit. Green!
If they finish the piece and he doesn’t clap, they’ll beat the crap out of him, of course. Oh, and if he does he’ll collapse, they’ll fall off and then they’ll… well, I’m sure you can guess.
I hope she’s remembered to bring all the latex, this time.
Don’t ask. She just wants to get it over with.
Best to hold the session when the tide’s going out, I’ve heard.
Now that’s just obscene. Do people really…?
Howl!

Post-script: I promised you some Rule 3 illustrations too. Rule 3? Oh, yeah, sure: “You are not expected to have sex with your clients. Thank goodness.” Basically, just images of particularly unattractive malesubs*, especially in the presence of a gorgeous goddess.

Divine Mistress Heather, of course, kindly letting her sub land in water for the practice attempt before the filming starts.

* I suppose some people might object to my sneering at the appearance of people who are – after all – just male submissives like myself. Why should they be singled out to be degraded and humiliated, by my mocking them in this way? Isn’t it unfair? And the answer is yes, of course, it is: they really ought to be paying for this treatment, the cheap little bastards. But hey, it’s nearly Christmas, right? They can have this one as a freebie.

An Angel before you to keep you in the way

Definitely an angel. Angels in the bible did a lot of smiting, too.
Many mistress-slave agreements consist almost entirely of penalty clauses, actually.
It was actually Margot Robbie’s performance in this movie – in which she pushes a steel rod through this chap’s eye in the end of this scene, amusingly enough – which got her the gig in Barbie. But they changed the Barbie screenplay, retaining the ‘women’s world’ theme but giving it more ‘mainstream acceptability’ by removing the torture scenes and most references to castration. And they wonder why people say cinema’s lost its magic.
That seems a bit dismissive. My SO always lets me plead for a while.
I can take the beatings but sarcasm is a hard limit for me.
How excited, exactly?

Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.

More glimpses from a bygone, more civilised age.

Except obviously you won’t be buggered afterwards. Not with a real penis, anyway.
Of course, she won’t continue her career as a governess after marriage. That would be quite against the spirit of the times, which held that even professional women, once married, should focus all of their efforts on their husbands.
War is hell. So’s her strap-on, actually.
Striking at the root of the problem, so to speak.
Even young ladies of fashion had to develop practical skills in those days. The lady behind looks singularly uninterested, though… dreaming of marriage to a billionaire, perhaps.
He loves – and loves a lass above his station, by the look of him.