Category: gimp

An unfair crack of the whip

More captioned images celebrating the delightful ways our superiors can be unreasonable and unfair.

Trying to top from the bottom again, were you? She’s wise to your little power-play.
Try thinking of her needs rather than your own, for a change.
If he correctly picks a yellow one he gets an orgasm. So there’s that to look forward to.
Just remember the two absolute rules: (1) never lie to Mistress and (2) Mistress is always right. As long as your answer conforms to both of those, you should be fine.
She likes it done just right. It never, ever is.
Oh dear. And the punishment was nearly done before that little act of defiance.

Lady Sophia Black, who I can tell you from personal and painful but wonderful experience did the ‘impossible to please’ thing better than any other domme I have ever known.

The gimp and the simp – a poem

A silly little thing (I know I am but what are you? Oh no, hang on…). Anyway, just a poem, not worth taking up a whole posting slot, so up it goes as an extra.

“I don’t know how you cope”

Said the gimp to the simp

“With her constant demands for more cash.

Don’t you long when you meet her, to kiss shoes to greet her

Or serve as a tray for her ash?”

 

“It’s my kink and that’s that.”

Said the simp to the gimp

“But your lifestyle is hardly ideal.

Caged or chained all alone, with no life of your own

Till you’re summoned to crawl at her heel.”

 

“I’m her pet and I’m proud!”

Said the gimp to the simp

And he showed off his monogrammed collar.

“You’re just moneyslave 9; when you’re typing online

All she sees is the sign of the dollar.”

 

“At least I can type”

Said the simp to the gimp

Showing fingers splayed out, with a grin.

“I can move my hands freely and stand on my feet – see?

My meals don’t come out of a tin.”

 

“Right!” – started the gimp

But his voice was soon stopped

By a ball gag, inserted at speed.

“Your mouth’s not to bicker, you boot and floor-licker!”

And the gimp was dragged off on a lead.

 

“Well that finished fast”

The simp chortled in glee

Then with shock he caught sight of his phone.

“Too slow to reply – that’s three times now, so bye!”

And he sat there, all sad and alone.

Sexual inequality

Oh, those grabber machines… they can be such an exercise in frustration.
Their buy-one-get-one-free offers are pretty good, but they had to abandon their no-questions-asked policy on taking back damaged goods, as too many dommes were abusing it.
You’ve got to be careful with the wording of hard limit lists. For example, mine rules out blow torch play, but it turns out welding arcs are actually hotter! Oh well, live and learn.
It’s easy to tell them apart – his helmet reads ‘other gimp’.
It might all sound complicated but actually, it’s a lot easier to learn Czech than… well: refusing to learn Czech. You’ll see. Don’t worry about making grammatical and other mistakes at first: the ladies expect that; in fact they rather enjoy pointing out those little errors.
The trutch can be painful, but not usually quite as painful as lies.

Pleading hearts

Don’t worry if you’re not ‘man enough to take it’, that won’t bother her in the least.
If it gets too irritating, she could always turn it into one of those cults where everyone kills themselves. Or I suppose she could just stop reading their prayer-filled messages on social media… Anyway, she has options.
She’ll see the funny side eventually.
That’s the third time Mistress ‘forgot’ this month. She never used to be that forgetful. I do hope she’s all right.
If it’s really the nails that are bothering you, she could use screws? Or just industrial glue, I suppose, but that would be a lot less fun for her.
Or have a sissy-fight over it, with lots of shrieking and hair-pulling.

Spare the rod and spoil the marriage

Don’t worry: these ladies won’t.

Some wives are actually quite liberal in extending ‘permission to ask’ – one of my SO’s friends lets her boys beg whenever they like, says she rather enjoys it.
Especially when you’re wearing the pink one.
Of course, if you don’t enjoy it, you can always just wait until she orders you to argue or complain, then you can tell her all about how you feel.
For non-British readers; if a domme ever accuses you of ‘taking the piss’, she’s not referring to your impressive swallowing technique during toilet-play, she’s probably quite cross with you (‘pissed-off’ even).
If she holds her hand in the right place, they won’t see the leash, either.
One of my SO’s former girlfriends was an ears, nose and throat specialist. It was quite a relief when I discovered she specialised in removing tonsils, not ‘tonsils’.

… and as an extra, here’s a sweet little femdom video if you like that sort of thing.

Once they are aroused, once they are determined, nothing on earth and nothing in heaven will make women give way

So you’d better learn to accept it.

You could negotiate a few scene boundaries, I suppose, but with the bones thing she’s already given away a big one, right there, so why be churlish?
Ah… the palaeolithic diet. Supposed to be very healthy. And there might be some running away from bears and wolves too, which is great exercise.
Just the next phase in your ever-deepening female-led relationship. Not even the last phase.
Anyway, she’s told her it’s out of the question, so I suppose that’s that.
Yeah. Sorry. I’ll get me coat…
You can lose a lot of weight, although obviously you have to carry it around with you, sloshing inside the rubber feet, until she unlocks you.

Far and wide of the mark

Regular ‘readers’ of this blog who actually bother to look at the words, instead of just beating off to the pictures of pretty ladies looking stern, will realise that much of its ‘humour’ is inspired by the style of Gary Larson’s cartoon The Far Side.

Where ‘inspired’ in this context means “a pathetic and embarassing attempt to publish femdom porn in a manner that is spuriously justified”

This week’s ‘special’ (no, not your monthly ‘special’, you have to ask Mistress for that) is a collection of captions that are particularly blatant rip-offs of close homages to that style. Without, obviously, either (a) infringing anyone’s intellectual property rights or (b) being funny.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I get paid just as much either way.

Pain points

These ladies like to emphasise them.

Probably best to clear two hours, there’s no point in rushing these discussions.
Oh well, if it’s complicated probably best not to inquire further. Anyway, you’re paying for this time. Let’s play!

For the avoidance of doubt, I am sure that in real life Goddess Lady Skotia plays safely and delightfully, so the widow’s fascinator (such a lovely word) is just part of the outfit. And she does look very fetching in it.

“I am her Highness’ gimp at Kew, pray tell me Sir, whose gimp are you?”
It’s Mike I feel sorry for. She might not be bothered where her shots end up but he has to run to fetch the bolts back. A fully cocked crossbow fires them at several hundred miles per hour, so they go a long way if nothing gets in the way to slow them down.

Miss Chambers from Cruella a long time ago… such a pretty nose.

That’s a bit unfair. I frequently get quite close to girls who are having real sex, sometimes under the very bed where it’s happening.
Winners focus on winning. Losers focus on winners.

Life is pain, Highness

True, that. I’ve experienced a lot of pain in my relationships with women and I can only hope and pay for more in the years to come.

The dog gets the jelly bits from the cans of food, too… it’s really not fair.
It might be quite difficult for Treasure at first, as she has such a kind personality, but with the right teacher I’m sure she’ll learn to enjoy it.
As if there was any doubt that men are pigs – look at this guy! Couldn’t he have made at least some effort with his appearance, for the most important conversation he’ll ever have?
Apparently that’s called a ‘power pose’ – makes her feel powerful and in-charge. Although frankly, even sitting down in a comfy chair with someone draped across her lap awaiting the hairbrush, she comes across as pretty in-charge to me.
Phobia play’s a lot of fun and you don’t need the complicated set-up depicted here. Claustrophobia play, for instance, can be effective using something as simple as a heavy sack and a cupboard. And with two claustrophobes, it’s more than twice as much fun.
Might start to chafe after a while.
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