gardening – Contemplating the divine

Hot and oppressive

No, not the weather. Alas. Just these ladies. Hoorah.

I’m still having problems with the stupid firewall, sorry. But if you have tried to comment and requested access, do come back a day or two later! A couple of times recently I’ve approved access for people who don’t then seem to have used the access and commented. In principle, it should always work after I’ve approved you, at least for the same IP address. You just have to keep trying, as my SO wearily remarked the other day, as she took the cane back down from its hook and gestured for me to bend over the chair.

They each consented, of course, on behalf of one another.

She doesn’t really understand what her daughter does but she’s very proud of her. Her son’s something of a disappointment, admittedly – but his big sister has a plan for him.

Mmmm… you shouldn’t really presume, just on the basis of a sub’s clothing and appearance. Although as she’s a woman, I suppose she can do whatever she likes.

Sorry about this. Can’t resist a bit of G&S amongst the D&S.

It’s his own fault, even when it’s not. That’s the basic principle, why complicate matters?

Pretty woman, don’t make me cry

Oh, go on then, do.

They can be a bit dry but sometimes there are little snails or beetles to provide some gooeyness.

Quite right too. She usually is. In fact, she always is – that’s on her FAQs too.

Phones will only distract you if you let them – it’s easier than you might think to concentrate instead on the important things in life.

Don’t worry: the judge is strictly impartial in the manner she treats all males who appear in front of her. The accused, lawyers, tea boys… makes no difference to her.

Don’t forget to round up if your answer is not an integer. Oh: and to add ‘Ma’am’. That might seem pedantic, but your answer will be marked as wrong – and so will you – if you don’t.

‘As soon as possible’ doesn’t always mean straight away, of course. Sometimes Mistress wants you to spend an hour or two in the corner, holding the paddle, beforehand. It’s still ‘as soon as possible’, it’s just that your possibilities are a bit limited.

Apologetics

…a word that doesn’t mean what you probably think it means, as it is a form of ‘systematic argumentative discourse’. So probably not recommended in the sorts of relationships this blog favours, where apologies should be simple, heartfelt (and felt in other parts of the body too) and frequent.

I’ll confess I’ve never understood men who want to cheat on their partners or imagine they can get away with it. It’s not as if any lady’s going to fail to notice a second padlock hanging there on my chastity belt.

My SO is constantly ‘encouraging’ me to learn new dance routines to entertain her bulls, but none of them seem like the sort of guys who really enjoy watching dance, so I hope they don’t get too bored by it all.

Fortunately, Kate’s unlikely to reach the prize first as she’s too soft-hearted to use the whip on her horse, the sweet thing. She doesn’t believe in cruelty to animals.

Not The Hunt, for those of you paying attention to such matters, this is more of an informal social thing, with friends and less death.

He’s not even doing any work, just hanging around the office.

The silly thing’s forgotten to put a blouse on – perhaps you should remind her?

Reminds me of the time I decided to try some vanilla so I booked a sex worker who offered ‘a real girlfriend experience’. Bloody hell… I’m into humiliation and abuse, but not *that* much!

Born to be Wilde

Today’s theme is gardens and gardening for reasons that should be obvious.

I’ve always fantasised about my Mistress lending me out to a vanilla friend, but it’s actually less exciting than you might think. One of her old school friends offered to try it, but almost as soon as I arrived and got changed into my perky little maid’s outfit, somehow I knew it wasn’t going to work. I did the housework for a bit but I think we both felt uncomfortable and so after a couple of hours he phoned for Mistress to come and pick me up again.

Scurry scurry scurry.

There are more dandelions. Many more.

He’s at peace, now.

If she does roquet you – that is, hits one of your balls with hers – then she gets to ‘croquet’ – and there are two ways of doing it. The American rule is that she puts her foot down, firmly holding the ball immobile, before tapping it with her mallet. But in Britain, she just places her ball next to yours and thwacks as hard as she can. It’s all in the angles, you see. Anyway, both methods are a lot of fun.

Gynarchy for the UK

It’s coming some time…maybe.

All these are to be read out in a Bri-ish accent, orright?

Don’t worry – she’ll give her one more chance. She’s quite forgiving really. She’s just cross because she’s got to go to all the trouble of murdering you and disposing of the body, that’s all.

I myself am very firmly opposed to corporal punishment. Forunately, nobody pays a blind bit of attention to my views.

She’s good at riddles, too.

Send him out? Honestly, Henry shouldn’t let her just boss him around like that. He should stand up for himself… be a man.

He does. But I’m sure he’s grateful inside. The British Institution – not to be confused with the Royal Institution, although the one time the BBC made that mistake was the best Christmas science lecture series ever.

See if you can spot the eight men concealed within this picture!

Owner-controlled

It’s good to live in a comunity united around a shared interest.

Her feelings matter, remember. A lot.

I’d reach for ‘Polite dissenting opinion No 1’ but ‘we’ decided to remove it from the approved list.

It’s a good idea to wear a lot of pink, to avoid being mistaken for a feral male. Ferals hate wearing pink – especially frilly lacy things.

Aww… sweet. My own SO asked me how I’d like her to remember me and I suggested an alarm on her phone, every month when it’s time to change the straw. It’s working out pretty well.

New year, same old nonsense

Welcome back. Hope you enjoyed the extra captions over the 12 days (or possibly the first 11 days if you’ve been reading the comments sections too) of Christmas.

Back to normal now, though – twice a week is all you get. Ooh-er, sounds bit rude!

They practice mindfulness too. That involves thinking very very hard about what’s about to happen when your skin won’t stretch any further.

Might take quite a while to do penance for all of the sins during those five years of freedom. Still – there’s the rest of your life.

I’m a member of their frequent shriekers’ club.

Of course, it wasn’t like that when she bought the house. There was no flowering bush behind the gimp feature – in fact, the garden was mostly just gimps all over. Much more colourful this way.

Or – on most occasions – participate.