found femdom – Contemplating the divine

It’s the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud

Who loved a lord and who laughed aloud
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum
Whose soul was sad and whose glance was glum
Who sipped no sup and who craved no crumb
As he sighed for the love of a la-dy.

I used to wonder how girls could spend so long washing their hair. Then I found out.

Air stewardesses often like to have a sub waiting for them on arrival. After a long flight, they really want someone else serving *them* drinks and food – and if there’ve been any rude, arrogant passengers on the flight it’s still more important to have access to someone on whom to let off a bit of steam.

There are also consequences for remaining silent when she’s asked something, as well as for lying. So it’s all covered, really.

I hope this jokey little caption doesn’t contribute to that hurtful ‘castrating lesbian’ stereotype. Actually, survey data show that lesbians are, if anything, slightly *less* enthusiastic about castrating males than are heterosexual women, although there’s only a few percentage points in it.

Ooh… I hate job interviews. Like, I went to one where the interviewer asked me how I’d react to being slapped across the face and she didn’t even let me finish my answer! I did get the job, as it happens, but frankly that turned out to be a mixed blessing.

Fans of the ‘strict governess’ style of femdom might be interested in skipping to exactly 49 minutes into this 1970s British movie (NB, Russian site if you worry about such things), to reach the section which is about Theresa Berkley, of whipping horse fame. The movie is mostly in that 1970s British sex comedy style (oo-err, Missus, gwarn show us yer knockers!) but this bit is, I think, done quite well as it features the slow scolding build-up and anticipation (a theme I tried to convey in one of my few serious pieces: Waiting). Weirdly enough, although most of the film is knockabout farce, towards the end it takes on the tone of a public information film and features the then living, famous and very serious dominatrix, Monique van Cleef, in a short bit starting at 1:15.45. The 1970s were odd. But then, so are we, aren’t we? Extra trivia: the narrator is Charles Gray, narrator of Rocky Horror (where was his neck?) as well as being the best Blofeld, and Mrs Berkley is Carmen Silvera, who later dominated René in Allo Allo.

Oblivion is all you crave

Goodness me, I remember adoring (and by ‘adoring’, dear readers, I mean surreptitiously masturbating to) the Robert Palmer video of Addicted to Love from which that title is taken, when it first came out in 1985. But generally when I trace my 80’s obsessions (= things I masturbated to) they are blurry messes*, much like my brain at the time. But this has been digitally re-mistressed in HD remarkably well. Worth a look.

Of course, as everyone likes to note, the models in the video were famously unconvincing as musicians. All of them lost the beat at various points (just look at their legs – no hardship that – around 1.25) and the second from the right never seems to have found it (and plays the guitar by tickling it), while the drummer acts as if her drums asked her not to leave any marks, before the session started. Wikipedia says that a musician hired to teach them how to do it gave up after about an hour and left, and rumour has it (but I can’t see it) that if you look really closely you can see them mouthing “one-two-three-four… one-two-three-four…” as they do the moves.

But that’s the point! It’s like my occasional captions featuring wildly ignorant or uninformed ladies acting out school scenes, thrashing their clients for providing what were actually the right answers**. They can be totally incompetent but they are still infinitely superior goddesses to be worshiped absolutely. They don’t need to earn that adoration in any way whatsoever.***

That’s my philosophy, anyway. Maybe not up there with Socrates or Kant but it works for me.

Stop blithering and get on with the captioned images, you say? Why of course.

Servitor top tip: any conversation featuring the words ‘scrotal clamps’ is bound to be a little uncomfortable. Just go with it.

I hope the other one doesn’t get jealous.

Why experience a pointless and meaningless death when instead you can devote the – short and agonising – remainder of your life to making someone happy?

I’ve always been lucky that way. From my very first date, actually.

He’s rather forgettable. Sometimes that serves him in good stead, as being noticed too much can be painful.

* Oh God, The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight. So… about the first 30 seconds of that featured on some BBC music show when I was a teenager… and then stopped! AAAAH! And there was no Internet, dear children, and the only way you could see a music video was if some TV show chose to play it. And I had never, ever seen any actual porn featuring an actual dominatrix, just that one glimpse (with heart thudding) of Valerie in that Pink Panther and… and… I watched music TV obsessively for years just in the hope that… and it never… oh, it was a different world, dear children, a different world.

** There’s a few of them. This for instance – way back when! That earned me several comments helpfully pointing out that Sydney is not actually the… oh well. Second in popularity only to the opposite theme, of dommes taking school sessions way too seriously and trying to impart actual knowledge.

*** The goddesses, according to Wikipedia , are “Julie Pankhurst (keyboard), Patty Kelly (guitar), Mak Gilchrist (bass guitar), Julia Bolino (guitar), and Kathy Davies (drums).”

**** As it is nearly Christmas, let’s have a little look at the parody in Love, Actually, too shall we? Yes, we’ll do that. And that is still lower video quality than the re-mistressed Palmer video! But the goddesses are goddesses and that’s the main thing.

***** Yes, I know there’s no asterisk marks beyond three in the main text above. But sometimes you start something and it’s hard to stop.

****** Readers based in (or prepared to undergo any amount of travel time to) the UK, who find the look of the goddesses in this video exciting, might be advised to approach (very respectfully indeed) a real-life Goddess, namely Serena. She is extraordinarily wonderful and indeed used to be a model.

Late delivery

So… this is possibly going to be the most pointless and outdated thing I have ever published but I have just noticed a remarkable resemblance between an actress in something broadcast more than ten years ago and a domme whom almost none of you have heard of, who I think retired years before that.

No, really. It’s that irrelevant.

Still here? Oh, OK. Well, the TV series is Going Postal and the actress Claire Foy, more recently famous as the youngest adult version of The Queen in The Crown. In Going Postal she plays the main character’s love interest and her character is aggressive and sexy and actually has a bit of a femdom vibe, dressing in black and on one occasion flexing a whip and saying “You know what happens to naughty boys.” But there’s not much of that, so don’t go looking for it for erotic thrills or anything. Mind you, if you found yourself fantasising about her as a no-nonsense upper class nanny/governess while watching The Crown (you didn’t? Really? Are you sure you’re reading the right blog?), you might like it.

And the domme is of course the world famous Darla Kincaid! No? Ok… anyone who was around when The English Mansion started publishing stuff will have seen her and she’s just wonderful and elegant and coldly amused and all the other things that I, for one, swoon about. She was one of the first dommes I really fantasised about and dreamed of meeting… but I never did and now she’s long, long retired – I think most of her videos were shot around the year 2000 or so. I’m quite old…

Anyway, they, umm… well, they look a bit like each other. I reckon. So: images of Darla Kincaid and Claire Foy below. That’s all. Mini-man story tomorrow.

Photos of Mistress Darla are obviously mainly from Mistress Sidonia’s wonderful English Mansion.

Play-related stress

Don’t worry, sissy, you won’t have to stay there the whole day. Just most of the day.

Oh dear, I can never think of what to wish for in these situations… I suppose there’s always ‘world peace’.

Whoosh!

Her rod and staff… that’s the rod, you’re going to be be her staff.

I’m sure it’ll be a memorable honeymoon – but then, aren’t all honeymoons memorable, albeit in different ways?

More femdom stuff that’s out there and not much remarked upon: this talented chap (I’m assuming ‘chap’) draws things that are rather lovely if you’re into giantess fetish and possibly even if you are not. He also reposts some vintage stuff which is reminiscent of the elegant and delightful Gibson Girls.

A little found femdom for you, while I’m busy

I love found femdom – femdom themes in stuff that is not explicit femdom porn, basically. This from a photographer called Chen Zhun is really rather nice, with my favourite amongst all of them copied below.

http://www.phombo.com/art/chen-zhun-photography-fhm-china/page-1/

Expect to see a few of them captioned here from time to time, although it’s not as if they need it.

Just thought I’d share those with you as I sit here trying to sort out Windows 10. No, Microsoft, I really do not want to share all my photos and videos with my family and friends, thank you very much. Yes, RealPlayer, actually I would like to continue to be able to download videos even with an upgraded browser, but no, I really don’t want to upload all of my photos and videos to your cloud, thank you. No, oddly enough I don’t want to post them all on Facebook, either…. sigh.

Less problematic but always amusing is the way Microsoft’s browser pretends it has never heard of Google. “You want to use a search provider other than Bing? Bit weird, but, yeah, sure, you’re the boss I guess. Let’s see now, there’s Ask, Yahoo…quite a few alternatives, so – sorry, what’s that? Goo-guhl? Err… doesn’t ring a bell. How are you spelling that?”

Onwards…

Only barely on topic

…as it doesn’t count as ‘found femdom’, because there isn’t really any femdom in it…

…but the new Wizard of Oz movie does have three delightfully forceful ladies in it, with some confusion about whether each is good or bad (best to be both at the same time, I have always thought, surely?).

Anyway, I think that Mila Kunis is remarkably beautiful. See?

Now where have I seen that hat before? Oh yes – it featured a lot in the early days of OWK. Maybe the film studio bought it in the closing down sale.

Ms Kunis wears nice boots too, and runs very elegantly in them:

Hmm, but yes indeed, OWK did it first:

While her wicked – or possibly very good – sister Glinda, played by Michelle Williams, is (surely) the very image of the divine Ms Eleise de Lacy, from Femme Fatale films:

No, no, you have to look at her face to see the simila – oh, never mind, do what you like.

Don’t you think?

Or have I just been perving around the Internet too much… seeing dommes everywhere (oh I wish I did)?

I thought of trying to find a lookalike for the third sister, Evanore, played by Rachel Weisz. I mean, she’s a little like the haughty (and sadly retired) Mistress Darla, or the clever and witty Ms Slide.

But then, looking like this, there’s really no need for her to look like any specific domme, is there?

Mainstream media

I don’t normally post about this sort of thing. And it’s not like a proper domme scene or anything. But goodness me, I’ve just seen this film, Dark Shadows.

And this lady is in it:

Oh – and believe me, she (over) acts it as a villainness just as much as you might want.

Here she is talking to Johnny Depp:

And again… look at that smile:

She often wears red… and veeery high heels.

She’s very rich, drives a red sportscar:

And…did I mention she’s a witch?

So… let’s bring it all together. Look at the picture below. Here she is talking to Johnny. And she’s about to do something very witchy. And she is actually wearing red. You just can’t see the item of clothing at the moment. But you will (if you see the movie, or if you wait a bit until the lawyers get tired of chasing pirated clips of it off YouTube).

I’ll give you a clue. Her plan here is that Johnny should have a reminder of her, throughout the eternity in the coffin, unable to move, to which she intends to consign him.

It’s not a bad movie. I mean, it’s all right. It’s not as good as other Burton/Depp movies. Don’t go seeing it because I’ve given you the impression it’s a two hour femdom fest or anything. I mean, obviously it’s not. Go if you want to see it. Or if you’re in love…

By co-incidence – well, not at all by coincidence if you think about it – I’d already featured and captioned an image of the actress, Eva Green, without even knowing her name. (First item in this post) I know her name now… and I can assure you, you’ll be seeing a lot more of the divine Ms Green around here.

That’s all for now. Normal captioned service will be resumed shortly.

Some more found femdom

Here’s one:

This has to be the kinkiest thing I have ever seen on TV. It’s a show I’ve never even heard of, and it seems almost painfully stupid in every way. I think watching any other episode would probably make my eyeballs explode. Not a line can be uttered without gurning, not an actor acts without over-acting. You can almost hear the ‘ba-boom’ after each obvious punchline. It’s hard to believe it’s aimed at adults. And yet it ran with one episode that contains everything that the Exit to Eden movie could have had and didn’t (you’ll see why I compare it to that terrible film if you watch it).

Look: a warning to people who take their BDSM seriously. This is just a joke about the lifestyle, using it as an excuse for a cheap laugh, OK? I know that offends some people, and I understand why. Personally, I find mainstream depictions of the lifestyle that are just kitschy stereotypes rather erotic – in a way, the cartoonishness is oddly part of the attraction. If you want to see a celebration of the seriousness of the emotional commitment of an S&M relationship, this programme is not for you. Nor’s this blog, probably.

But the leading actress is icily attractive, and there are some nice scenes with good stuff going on, mainly in the background. So anyway, if you like that sort of thing (and I warn you again – it is quite stunningly stupid), here you go:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/2594/jack-of-all-trades-x-marquis-the-spot

PS – the Hulu thing will only work if your computer is located within the USA. But that’s why we have proxy servers, right? Of course, you didn’t hear that from me…

And another…

If you’re British you probably already know this, but there’s an (equally kitschy! Less explicit. Less stupid.) episode of Space 1999 – Britain’s rather strange answer to Star Trek – called Devil’s Planet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnZ3sYIvLqo

The ladies with whips appear around 8 minutes in. Though at 7, there’s a sequence of a spaceship crash-landing that’s really rather good for 1977!

In the novellization (oh yes: as a teenager I scoured the bookshops until I found it – bet that volume outsold all other Space 1999 books) came the line “I shall hunt him down and from his skin I shall make a whip!”. It still haunts my dreams.

Even more femdom captions than that – and some found femdom

Hey, has anyone out there noticed how much femdom there is in ZZ Top videos? I was watching one for the music (I do, secretly, occasionally use the Internet for looking at things that are not porn – hope I never get found out), and was transported back to happy days in front of the TV as a teenager, desperately hoping for something pervy. Anyway there’s this. And this (give it time – or skip to 2.00 or so and look out for the treatment of the guy in the pullover at 2.20!).

If you like power-dressing 80s babes with big hair that is. Oh, I do. I really do.

Then there’s this, in a very different style. You have to get near the end to work out what’s going on.

Hmmm. ZZ Top. Beardy perverts, eh?

Anyway, on with the show:

Actually, even if you don’t recycle them it’s still better than all those nasty plastic bags.

He graduated top of his class in hairdresser school. After all, he had mastered the art of studying in med school. Being whipped for poor performance helped, too.

It wouldn’t be so bad, if the things she said about him weren’t so personal – you know?

It’s her favourite part of the day.

Actually, when you really think about it there are lots of reasons why life might be easier without balls, around Anne. There’s Tuesdays for example. She usually comes back from the studio feeling rather grumpy. That’ll hurt less after tomorrow.