feet – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?

Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.

Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know? She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.

In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.

You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah? Any ideas why ? Hmm? No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.

Doing it Her way

He doesn’t look very brave.

Actually, men in relationships always hate it when their partners throw out their stuff. I remember the day my SO sent all my clothes to the charity shop. I cried for days at the time but She told me I’d thank Her for it eventually, and so of course I did.

Hmm. I wonder if I should ask him to pay some of the cost… this wasn’t cheap and he got all the fun.

He’s lucky. I have to fill a whole page with silver or gold stars to earn any kind of reward.

Yes, best to keep it vanilla at first. And then you can move on to more adventurous play when you get to know each other a little better.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh? I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy. Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control). On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started. There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts.


Just what I always say. It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage. That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think? I expect they make good use of that.

Cause you’re my lady, I’m your fool

… so beat me up before you go go

I occasionally have difficulty getting through passport control, admittedly. But I always have a permit to travel signed by a responsible female, so it’s OK.

The lovely Goddess Lexi on the right there. And… another lovely goddess on the left I’m sure one of you will tell me who that is, won’t you?

She’s so professional, it hurts. It hurts a lot.

Because reasons? No? OK – I’ll get back to work.

And this goddess is Mistress Arella. I knew that without even looking at the label, there. Czech, you know. I wonder if it’s something in that country’s history…. invaded by Germans, Russians… and I’ve heard the frost is cru-el.

She must have another cummyshoe for goodness sake. They sell them in pairs. Why does it always have to be this one?

I personally think that a boy can do almost any job a woman can do. Just not as well and only under strict female supervision.

Put in place

So I’m just supposed to hang around until she’s ready to talk, eh? Tsk. Bloody typical.

Mmm… keys.

You can give upward feedback too. From waaaay down there.

Hmm. Quite a predicament! Hope little wifey doesn’t smell the smoke! You know what she’s like…

She really shouldn’t have to worry about damage to boys’ internal organs. After all, damage to their external organs is so much more fun.

Brutal loving care

Famk ‘ooo, Muhphtuph

You have something you’d rather spend your money on?

What a depressing caption. Sorry about that. Let’s move on.

That’s better.

She’s a stern advocate of social justice. Delivered by Predator drone, if need be.

Tender loving care

Time to celebrate those heroines of the medical profession. Where would we be without them? Still experiencing unwanted erections in many cases, I expect.

And let’s face it, if you’re honest with yourself you probably wouldn’t be due a lot of financial compensation anyway, would you?

Men just aren’t suited to this sort of thing. Too squeamish. But do the best you can. I’m sure you don’t want to disappoint her.

She’s got a really effective treatment for that.

She’ll need a complete history listing all your sexual partners as well, but that should be very quick, no?

That tiresome bureaucracy.

At the hairdressers

Hi honey!

What? Oh, my poor embarrassed baby! You haven’t been worrying about that all day,
have you, honey?

Listen – if that’s what makes you feel sexy, it’s fine with
me, OK? But I just need you to wash the trainers
out each time you do it, before I use them again, that’s all.

Oh, really? Well, honey, you know
I run every day, so I guess they’ll get stinky again pretty quickly, won’t they?

Not stinky enough? Awww… I’m sorry honey. But you know, it’s not nice for me when I want to go for a run, if you’ve spurted all over the inside, see, and –

Oh – hey! I just had
a brilliant idea. Why don’t we keep an
old pair of my trainers for you to come in?
You could sniff the pair I’m using as much as you like, but then when you jerk off you’d do it into one of the old ones. Then I
wouldn’t have to worry about finding my new trainers all sticky!

Yeah? That works?

Oh – if I force you, huh? Honey, you’re really pretty kinky aren’t you! Sure – I can force you. I’ll tie your hands behind your back and force your face down onto my stinky trainers with my foot – how about that?

Yeah – I thought you’d like that. Or I could tie you to the bed and leave one over your face all night. Yeah, you betta believe it. All night, honey. Not in my bed, obviously. I’m not sleeping with a smelly old trainer in the bed. But I can put you in the guest bedroom.

What’ll I do? Oh, I’ll be OK. No, really. It’s OK honey.
I mean, it’s not like our sex life was great anyway and – oh, I’m not
blaming you, honey! It’s not your fault
you’re so small. But I think we’ll both
be happier if you don’t have to try to please me in bed any more. I was thinking anyway of telling you not to bother – I mean, it just makes you all embarrassed and ashamed, and it does nothing for me so –

Hmm? No honey, that’s
just Mario talking. I’m at the
hairdressers.

Not these, honey. These are mine, OK?

Well of course he heard, honey, but don’t be silly about it.
Mario wouldn’t say a thing.
Hairdressers know how to keep secrets – don’t you Mario? Anyway, I told him weeks ago about our wedding
night, so he already knows half the story.

Well sure, honey. About all the condoms being too big to stay on and how you had to ask at the hotel reception for extra small and all that. He was really sympathetic, even though he’s never had the problem himself. Just the opposite, actually.

What? Oh, I didn’t mean anything by that, honey. Just talking nonsense. I do when I’m at the hairdresser’s. Listen, anyway, we need to get my trainers cleaned up. If you won’t wash them, then I guess you’re going to have to lick it out, aren’t you? Yes, now, honey. You got them there? OK, well you’re going to have to put the phone down to get your face right in there and lick it all out, OK?

Oh – hang on! Before you hang off, my old trainers are in the closet by the kitchen door, OK? Those are what you use for playing with yourself, honey, not the new ones! I mean it!

That’s right. OK, honey, have a good time. I’ll be back quite late – maybe not until nine or so. I’m having some complicated hair treatments today. I expect you’ll find something to amuse yourself with until I’m back. Won’t you?

Bye!

See honey? This is where you’ll be making love from now on. You’ll always have a choice between two sexy lovers who’ll never tell you you’re too small, and they don’t mind how quickly you come! Do you wanna give them names? I think you should give them names.

Awe and shock

They operate a performance management system of penalties and rewards. If you perform badly, you’re punished severely. If you perform well, you’re punished a bit less severely. Probably.

Actually, I have a chapter about dealing with this sort of rejection in my new self-help book, called She’s just not that into you – because you’re a sad little weirdo with a tiny cock.