boyfriends – Page 2 – Contemplating the divine

So pretty, oh so pretty

Not the version by those dreadful yobs, of course, but by Mistress Joan.

Oh well, I suppose it’s something to take my mind off it.

She’s Prisoner Welfare Officer too, so you know she’s got your best interests at heart.

A lot of new findommes have the wrong idea about financial domination. It’s actually quite hard work. But not for the domme, obviously.

This being a fantasy blog, I expect she’s going to ‘punish’ you by doing all the things you’ve always dreamed about, rather than just divorcing you and exposing you to ridicule in the newspapers.

They’re very zealous about it. Indeed, I believe that some of his team are about to raid an establishment where they’ve received a tip-off about repeated violations of the ban on smoking in the workplace. They don’t give any warning – just burst straight in through the door, cameras at the ready.

Managed care

Well, I hope she finds something to amuse herself with while you’re busy with all that.

You get to wear a nightie just like hers, too.

And she has a lot more than ten commandments.

I find I do some of my best thinking over a trestle. I think about stuff a lot when I’m there.

Wow. I think that’s the niceest compliment any girl has ever paid me.

Gender imbalance

I won’t give away the ending. Oh all right then, I will. The book falls off and he gets the crap beaten out of him with a perspex cane. OK?

Now I understand why they make the interns wear shorts.

erm… Translation? Rotation? Summation?

I’ve heard that if you insult the waiting staff in some restaurants, they’ll spit into your food. But I just can’t bring myself to be other than grovellingly respectful to a waitress. What’s a sub to do?

One day she’ll meet Mr Perfect and won’t feel the need to enslave and degrade him. One day.

Helplessly devoted

When you wake up I’m sure you’ll feel quite different.

Looks like some language lessons are in order!

It’s good of Mike to make sure she’s satisfied before he has his fun. He’s thoughtful like that.

It can be difficult for stepchildren at first. Feelings of rage, resentment. The books say it’s best not to hold it in, so from the look of it things are going to turn out all right in this case.

Nice warm bath with a cast-lit novel, then a back-rub and pop Elastrating Edward into the DVD player. Bliss.

…and an extra one, because of previous incompetent duplicate posting. Thanks Ralph D!

Effortless superiority

Oh well. Being beaten by Simon’s no fun, but there’ll be other guests who want a go too, so…


It’s good when fetishes are complementary* like that. A friend of mine went on a date with a girl he really fancied, who turned out to have a castration fetish – and that just wasn’t his thing at all. So he hasn’t dated her since. Or anyone, come to think of it. Sad, really.

Of course, it’s not just about penis length. Girth matters too.

Crush fetish again!


Oh. OK. (Damn!)

* Now come on, EditorDomme! Is there another fetish blog anywhere on the Internet that knows the difference between complementary and complimentary? As you know I take (and ocasionally receive) a lot of pains over my grammar. I could of just written any old rubbish, but I choose my words with care.

Note: due to technical incompetence out of my control, I don’t have a good record of which captions I posted between July and October this year (and I am not looking through all the blog posts to check…). So any males reading this who see a caption they’ve seen here before can do some work, for once in their lazy, feckless lives, and let me know in the comments.

What women like

So many books about that topic, discussions on the Internet…

But I’ve learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see. Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don’t insist on sex. Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave.

After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room. While she gets on with her life.

Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.

Her birthday’s in eleven days time. She doesn’t like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.

You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that’s going a bit too far.

Looks like someone hasn’t been following Servitor’s rules for making women happy! Remember – always leave straight after paying. Or if you’ve booked with a credit card through an escort service, just tell them it’s OK if she doesn’t turn up. Trust me: she’ll love it.

Plenty more where that came from, so come on – get it down.

PS – as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*. Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here. Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: “kellogg’s frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box” and “Brita water filter replacement cartridge”.

Woah. There are some things that are just too kinky even for me. Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys? Let’s try to keep it clean here.

* no, stop worrying, it doesn’t tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US. Oh – and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.

** and “contemplating the devine” with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if you‘re not sure, you stupid males! That’s not even a word, OK?

It’s all so calculating (she’s got a calculator)

You say you’ll never know him, he’s an unnatural man

It’s not the size anyway, it’s what you do with it. And how many times.

He can say no, of course. As many times as he likes, actually.

She gets through boyfriends quite quickly, I’ve heard. Must be a bit fickle, I suppose. Shame, ‘cos she’s cute.

Looks good on her, don’t you think? Better than on the donors, I expect.

Actually, there are lots of things they don’t approve of men doing. Good job you’ve got her to protect you.

Just like a prayer

Humbler and humbler we become.

Brisk, businesslike and to the point.

I was the victim in an abusive relationship once. It’s actually quite a traumatic memory. I was upset for months afterwards… begging her to come back.

It’s good to have a hobby.

Charlotte’s Web – the femdom version. With bacon for supper.

Empressed

Probably best. A little crying and pleading is OK, but after an hour or more it can start to get quite irritating. I’m sure you’d want to spare her that.

The trick is to turn the slave all the way upside down. But I expect she’ll work it out eventually. Some dommes use scissors, but that’s cheating really.

No fool like an old, emasculated fool, eh?

I’m not so sure he was all that gentle… but I guess we can agree to differ.

It’s going to be his special night, too.

Because she says so

Always the best reason.

I think there’s now an app you can get that makes the whole process a lot simpler.

Aren’t you lucky?

I read in a self-esteem book once, that you should write out a list of all the things about yourself you despise. I got on quite well at first, but after a few months it started to get quite unwieldy. So I started this blog instead. And it’s been great – I haven’t been troubled by self-esteem since.

Looks safe enough. Hope he gets something liquid to drink at some point, though.

Hmmm. I wonder what they’re going to do with those bunches of flowers?