birching – Page 2 – Contemplating the divine

Kept men

(we don’t talk about the discarded ones).

Another 2% fantasise desperately about it not happening, or at least not so often and not quite so hard.

Featuring the lovely and no-nonsense Miss Cassie Hunter, the Hunteress.

Right. It’s about time all this nonsense stopped – I’m going to put my foot down. In fact, I’m going to stamp my foot – hard. Several times. And I’m going to to have a proper tantrum. That should show her she can’t treat me like this.

Their faces usually fall again when she goes on to inform them that she will therefore proceed to the next thrashing, for the next item on her list.

I once asked my SO if she could feminise me, but she just laughed and said she’d love to, but I don’t have the IQ to make a convincing woman.

She cares a lot.

By the way, not ‘found femdom’ in any meaningful way, but over the break I’ve been watching episodes of 90s British sitcom Game On and perving ever so slightly to the lovely Samantha Janus and especially her relationship with the character Martin. I watched it occasionally at the time it was broadcast and it’s as weird and spectacularly depressing as ever, as the basic set-up is that Matt – a neurotic, agoraphobic narcissist – rents out rooms in his flat to Martin (a wimp) and Mandy (a goddess!). Martin is a virgin desperate for sex, while Mandy is frustrated with her life and hates herself for sleeping with so many men. But (da-dum), the only men she absolutely will not have sex with are the other two characters. With Matt, she refuses and pushes him away but with Martin it obviously never even occurs to her to have sex with him. There’s a lovely scene in this episode (intended to be the first ever, although they varied the order of broadcast), in which her latest boxer boyfriend takes up her whole bed, so she snuggles up with Martin, who lies there with an erection the whole desperate night. Here, starting 16.22. Ahhh…

So, yeah, not in any way femdom. Except that Samantha Janus is quite literally a goddess and I for one intend to found a religion in her honour.

She is notionally Samantha Womack these days, but I’ll be hunting down Mr so-called Womack and forcing the blasphemer to change his name to Janus, as is only right and proper, so don’t worry about that.

Nonsensual BDSM

Of course, it’s more effective to kill mens’ lib off with kindness and reasoned argument. But not nearly as much fun.

I suppose a blowjob is out of the question? You might as well ask… it couldn’t hurt.

Thank goodness she gave you a safeword. OK, she’s gagged you and also forgotten it. But I think that demonstrates her commitment to responsible play.

Oh, nobody still beats her own husband in this day and age do they?

Goodness, what a long one, as no one in the history of the planet has ever said to me.

The other was me and I’m a boy

Never quite sure what The Who were complaining about in that song. Looks to me like an idyllic childhood.

You can earn free hair grips and stuff when you spend money too – pretty cool, huh?

She tries so hard… but usually fails.

That’s a bit unfair. I once told my SO that I could do any job a woman can do, so she arranged an internshp at a brothel, giving blow-jobs to oil rig workers on shore leave. To be honest, I wasn’t quite as good at it as the girls but I had plenty of clients once they priced me at a 95% discount.

Yeah, how about it Dave? Equal pay for equal work. Stand up for yourself and be a man, for once. Or ‘you go, girl!’. Whatever.

Our pillory’s my special place. I can spend hours at a time in there, not really doing anything in particular, you know?

Pet sounds

Let’s hope she’s not trying for a multiple orgasm today.

If they do a good job, she’ll probably want to buy the monthly pass. Works out a lot cheaper.

Hi Belinda. You know, about pain play… I’ve been thinking.

And then he has to sow the wheat but after that he can take a bit of a rest until harvest time. Apart from practicing for the competition at the Country Fair, obviously.

Oh dear. I hope she’s not too disappointed.

A fairy-tale romance

… with me as the frog.

She’s trying to de-clutter.

Should last her until the spring, her favourite time of the year, when the first fresh green nettles start to arrive.

It’s probably that damn dog. The same one that keeps stealing her used underwear.

It’s a service industry.

I guess she would. Vigorously, immediately and without mercy.

Deliver us from freedom

It’s a small town, so the walk of shame afterwards will only take you 15 minutes or so.

I had a very traditional upbringing – strict discipline, cold showers, that kind of thing. It cost about £450 but it was worth every penny and I’m going back in a few weeks for another one.

Goodness, if you can’t trust your cleaner with that sort of trivial responsibility, why would you even let her into the house?

Ahhh male doms. I think male doms are just great, in their proper place.

Perhaps you’d better approach the bench.

Gynarchy for the UK

It’s coming some time…maybe.

All these are to be read out in a Bri-ish accent, orright?

Don’t worry – she’ll give her one more chance. She’s quite forgiving really. She’s just cross because she’s got to go to all the trouble of murdering you and disposing of the body, that’s all.

I myself am very firmly opposed to corporal punishment. Forunately, nobody pays a blind bit of attention to my views.

She’s good at riddles, too.

Send him out? Honestly, Henry shouldn’t let her just boss him around like that. He should stand up for himself… be a man.

He does. But I’m sure he’s grateful inside. The British Institution – not to be confused with the Royal Institution, although the one time the BBC made that mistake was the best Christmas science lecture series ever.

See if you can spot the eight men concealed within this picture!

Penile servitude

It turns out they did get the sugar, but it was a little untidily heaped in the bowl, so, you know…

Bad interns get spanked. Good interns get spanked and made to wear little lacy panties too.

I had to go to court once. The lady magistrate ordered me to be bound over to keep the peace. But apparently that doesn’t mean what you might think. Who knew? I just started to get myself ready, then and there, but… it’s a long story but anyway, I ended up sentenced to six months with hard labour for an obscene display in contempt of court. So that turned out quite well in the end.

Odd thing to say. I think she looks very nice.

And that’s before they start.

I worked eleven hours and bought the girl some flowers

Makes it all worthwhile (trigger warning: link contains scenes of male equality and ordinary life).

It’s amazing how much easier the invention of electricity has made these simple tasks. In the old days she’d have had to bend you over, whack you with a birch rod or something… now she just presses a button enough times, and presto you’re balancing books! We have a lot to be thankful for.

Most of the book’s concerned with proper cleaning and ironing of military uniforms. You’ll be discovering a lot about that, later on. Still – first things first.

Caption writing’s like that. At first, you really agonise about whether you’ve tersely managed to capture the essence of a scene, but after a while you realise you can just publish any old crap and the sad wankers who read your blog will keep coming anyway, because they only want to look at the pictures. Which is really great if you run out of original or clever ideas!

Dommes in the city.

Don’t worry. She‘s not going to have to stay on duty for fourteen hours. They share the time between three of them. It’s quite tiring work, whipping men into carrying great piles of stones around, after all.

Outnumbered

Mens lib is fine in theory, but someone has to lick out the ashtrays, don’t they? So I don’t see how it could ever work in practice.

They don’t aprove of modern fads. Actually, there are lots of things they don’t approve of. As you’ll discover.

Everyone makes little mistakes when they start out. No real harm done.

The parts of the dommes in this little tale were played by two dommes, by an odd coincidence. The extraordinarily wonderful (as I can personally attest) Lady Sophia Black and Ms Morigan Hel, whom I briefly met once before Ms Sophia dragged me away, and is probably equally but differently extraordinarily wonderful.

Don’t worry – he’s not a real schoolboy. And that’s not really his mother. And the person on the left who seems to be an attractive young blonde lady in a doctor’s coat is actually a 57 year-old computer scientist from Gujurat called Deepak. Femdom porn… it’s all fake, really, isn’t it?

Time to explain to them that you’re not into that, I suggest.