If you like Contemplating the Divine* then you will certainly have loved Freddie’s Tales.** You, therefore, like me, will have been devasted when Freddie’s Tales disappeared from one day to the next. Also like me, therefore***, you will be absolutely delighted that Freddie is back, with a new blog and no doubt just raring to produce more of those fabulous Beetle books.
So get yourself over to Freddie’s new blog. I – hey come back! I didn’t mean now. Read the captions below first, moron. That’s what you came here for, right? Men… I dunno.
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| My SO and I have been experimenting with pre-signed suicide notes. It’s a kind of next-level thing, you know? Edgy, I know, but it works for us. |
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| I think I can give her 110%. |
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| Sounds like you are actually going to be discussing it… at length. But not until you’re safely married. |
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| Consent seems to be a theme of this post. That’s because it’s so important. My SO always insists that I consent to everything she does to me. |
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| Thank goodness they no longer hunt foxes. That was so cruel. |
* And if you don’t like Contemplating the Divine what the fuck are you doing here? Are you some kind of weird masochist or something? Freak.
** Except the Femsub bits, obviously. One day, I hope young Freddie will meet a lady who will set him right about the suitability of that sort of material.
*** Writing this, I realise how uncannily similar we are, you and I. We laugh at the same things, cry together – we should get a drink some time, yeah?
Thanks for the bump, Servitor!
Darling it's your six-month review. Your third actually isn't that amazing? Now if it's your third six-month review how long have we been married? Good job, yes that's right 18 months. Clever sissy husband…now how do you think you've done? Bearing in mind what came out of your previous reviews? Speak up I'm giving you permission to express an opinion sweetie.
Sorry? I think you've worked hard to be a good boy but you still whine about the CB300 top of the range chastity device you wear. You don't seem to realize it's your bad behavior that has caused you to have over 3 months until consideration will be given to you being let out for a whole 10 minutes before being locked up again until your next review.
Now about your job. You are the only man in the law firm who hasn't had a bonus again this year. Even the young girls in the post room were given a 500 dollar award for good work. I've spoken to your boss, Miss Caroline Briggs and she tells me you are lazy and sexist. She even gave me examples which are frankly appalling. Either buck up your ideas at work or I will have you both grounded and spanked…do you understand?
Darling you have failed this review and you need to think very carefully about what you are going to do now. I have asked Caroline to keep me informed and if I hear anything untoward you will be in deep deep trouble. Do I make myself clear?
Now get on with your chores and then its early bed for you.
Zoe
Honey I want to talk to you about the dinner party at Amanda's house last week. You were talking to Harry about men's lib, is that right? I couldn't hear as I was chatting to Rachel about her new job. Now you know I am in favour of you having your little fantasies about equality and stuff you know that right? Amanda phoned me this morning saying that she has reprimanded Harry for talking to you about voting rights and being allowed your little opinions. So tell me did you go that far…we have talked about this, honey…you are not allowed to vote because the issues are far too complex for your mind to cope with. You never watch a news programme or discuss with me things like the economy or immigration or housing or healthcare..so how would you know who to vote for? Pardon, yes that's right all you care about is issues round hair and make-up and what skirt to wear with what top…or even what washing liquid to use. As Amanda was so annoyed you are not to see Harry or talk to him on your own ok? It's just not right….imagine unauthorised opinions and voting….not going to happen. Now I want you to finish the ironing and then telephone Simon and ask him if he is free tonight to take me out, ok? Remember to call him sir and explain you are ringing because I am too busy…and no gossiping or asking him dumb questions about his job or his car. Ok, I'm going to the mall…see you later, honey.
Zoe
Goodness me, Zoe, I think you need to start your own blog. The world could do with more captioned images that are not just someone wearing a tarty leather costume sneering "Lick my boots, you litle worm" and suchlike.
Caroline's a take-charge kind of lady, by the way. I doubt an arrangement in which she keeps you informed will satisfy her for long. But then it's very simple: if 'darling' comes home with a bruised bottom, then you'll know he's been performing poorly and you can punish him for it, can't you?
Many thanks again for your excellent comments.
S
So what's Simon's position on men's lib? He sounds a lot more equal than poor little 'Honey'.
S