Listen – I was talking to my accountant the other day, and I was telling him all about how humiliated you feel, out of work all this time, and entirely dependent on me – and he –
– Oh don’t be silly. I don’t have secrets from my accountant! –
Anyway – he had the most brilliant idea! He said, why don’t I set up a company and employ you! I mean, I can easily afford it. I get paid more money for one day’s filming than you used to earn in a year, after all! It’s nothing to me, really. Just loose change.
Hmm? Oh I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter what you do, does it? He said he could run up some meaningless forms, and you can spend the day filling them in or something.
And he’s found an office across town where you can do it. Quite a way off – you’ll be commuting for a few hours each day. Just like having a real job! Isn’t that exciting?
Oh no, too late to pull out now. He’s already bought the office block. It was just a few millions, and apparently there’s some kind of tax dodge so it doesn’t really cost me anything.
And he’s already found someone we can pay to be your boss. Hmmmm? Oh, I don’t know. Some awful sweaty old guy, I think. He’ll be on your case all the time, apparently. That way, it’ll feel more like you’re really earning your money, won’t it?
So – you’ll have your own money, and you won’t have to depend on me for everything! Won’t that be great? Minimum wage, of course, but we’ll get a performance management system set up, so maybe you can earn bonuses and promotions for working extra hard – that kind of thing.
Of course you can still live here, sweetie! But I’m going to charge you rent! So you’ll feel really independent and self-sufficient. And I’ll tell the maids to stop cleaning your room.
But I still get to buy you presents, OK? You’ll let me do that?
Great. Maybe I can keep on choosing your clothes, just like now. I like doing that.
Hmm? No, you don’t need to buy new clothes for the job. You have a cute little uniform. It says “Hathaway Enterprises” on it. Isn’t that sweet?
And if there’s ever anything you really want to buy – that you can’t afford – you can always ask. You know that don’t you? It’s not as if the money means anything to me, but for you it’ll be a big deal, now you’re paying for yourself, won’t it? So maybe when I do buy you things, now they’ll be that much more special!
Oh, no, don’t worry about that, darling! Like I said – it’s really just pocket change for me! If I just do one more commerical in Japan, or something like that, apparently it’s enough to employ you 9-5 every day for the next ten years! Isn’t that amazing? So don’t worry about the money – I know it seems like a lot to you, but it’s nothing for me, nothing at all. The important thing is that we need to build up your self-respect! That’s all that matters!
Just think how proud you’ll feel in a year’s time, if you’ve worked hard and I give you a pay rise!