How do I love thee, let me count the strokes and thank you for each one

I wonder if it would be OK to ask for a drink of something to help wash it down.

Position 53… 53… erm, like Position 14 but arms crossed, right?
Still, I have to say I got my money’s worth for the session.
She’s too soft-hearted.  Fortunately, Mr Travis isn’t.
I think he’s not a morning person.  Nor’s she, truth be told, but there’s so much to do and only so many hours in the day.


Love hurts

…in all sorts of unexpected ways. But today is the day for celebrating love, harking all the way back to St Valentine himself who found love while incarcerated behind the bars of a prison cell, before being tortured to death.  He remains an inspiration to us all.

You can’t run away from love.




She’s working hard for this marriage.  Maxim and Sven are probably going to be giving it their all too. So what about you?






Just once.






Love can also express itself through pain, terror, panic – especially when instruments of torture are involved.  It’s just part of how it feels, when it’s real, you know?




I had a friend who wanted to give his SO the ultimate gift, and secretly commissioned a designer leather firm to sort it out. Sadly, there was a mix-up and he ended up as about a fifth of a matching armchair and sofa set that was sold to some billionaire in Qatar with more money than taste. But she would have been quite touched by the gesture, had she ever known about it.

Fun, fun, fun. In the sun, sun, sun.

After last Friday’s shivery Saturnalia, here are some sunny-themed captions to warm the hearts and bottoms of any males spending the long dark winter nights in an unheated kennel.

He could protest.  After all, you need to be careful not to spend too much time in the sun, if you have sensitive skin. On the other hand, you really don’t want to piss these two girls off if you have sensitive skin, either, come to think of it.






Go on.  What have you got to lose?

How about that?  She noticed you!

If it stings him on the penis, it could swell up to three times its normal size.  So, hey – six inches at last!  There’s that to look forward to.

That’s actually not the worst of it.  Just a few months ago, he congratulated the coffee boy at work for being the only person he knew who could make coffee the way he liked it, the way his wife did.  Plus, he’s about to be drowned, of course.  So it’s a bad day all round, really.

Not actually summer, but they are about to get nice and warm.  Twice a day, on a regular cycle.



Mistress of arts

Women, eh? You can’t just straight-out discuss something, she has to set up the whole situation just right to ‘discuss it’. Oh well.  Better humour her.

That’s a very wide hole. Still, maybe there are some guys who need that.  Not jealous…

Phew.  That could have gone quite badly.  Remember the time you bought that fur coat in the wrong shade of silver?
I wonder if in the years to come, he’ll regret not having signed more forms?  After all, it’s not going to be easy to sign anything, when she’s done with him.
 This of course is the sweet and kindly Mistress Jo, of Cruella and British Institution fame.  She’s just a softie really.
That’s something we’ve seen a lot of this year – this contemptuous attitude to ‘experts’.  She could easily double the efficiency of the plant by not sitting on it, for example, but you just try telling her that…


Mean and nasty and pretty and horrible

Or pinches any other parts for that matter. Ouch.  Only eight hours to go, though…

Yes, that should work.  I certainly wouldn’t expect many erections any time soon, anyway.

They’re very nice shoes too.

If you want to get to know her better, you could try joining her reading circle.





My SO and I are agreed that wearing fur is cruel. That’s why she wears so much of it.







(Yup, same old anti-Vietnam littering-based protest song, Steve.  But I’m hoping no one will notice the repetition.)

Merciless heavens

Do you think she’s feeling generous?  I’m not sure.
The miraculously wonderful Lady Sophia Black.  Another lady who has had the misfortune of having to deal with Servitor in person.
 

 

Well, if she thought he was you at least you can be sure that nothing sexual went on between them.
 
 

 

Don’t worry about the tears dripping down, though. She quite likes that.
 
 

 

It’s amazing how brave you can be when you’re strapped down really tightly.
 
 

 

Simultaneous orgasms are over-rated anyway.  I usually don’t come until several months after my SO.

The ecstacy and the agony

And then level 8 again.  And quite a lot more.  It stops being surprising after a while, but she still has fun.
 

 

Which, in a sense, it is.
 
 

 

No pressure.
 
 

 

They don’t have many repeat clients, I understand.
 
 

 

“I’m OK, you’re a piece of shit?”  “Men are from Mars, women are to be obeyed in all things?”

Blonde justice

C’mon now!  Are you going to let her get away with that? Huh?
Oh.  OK then. 
 
 

 

Yeah, the human body has remarkable self-healing powers. And if not, there are lots more men out there.
 
 
 

 

She should watch out… illegal to watch that sort of thing in Britain.  Illegal just about everywhere to actually do it too, so don’t worry about a thing – she’s only playing.
 
 
 

 

Just try to hold onto the memory. For about eight weeks.
 
 

 

I like to be helpful.

Warning: implicit sexual content

… it’s the only kind you’ll get here.




So… not a threesome then? And indeed, from next week, no more onesomes either.  Oh well
 





Well, since you mention it…
 





The delightful knees and firm hands of Ms Gigi Allens!
 






And during too.
 





No comment.

We’re not worthy

Just never met the right girl, I guess.  Hard to strike up a meaningful conversation in seven seconds or less.
 

 

Happy to be of service.
 

 

Shame she doesn’t get sexual pleasure out of the beatings.  That’s two of you, then.
 

 

It’ s easy to get confused.
 

 

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