Category: too small to satisfy anyone

Masculinity is a treatable medical condition.

Look, I do understand the hypocrisy involved in my advancing political opinions, but can I just comment on this view going around that Trump’s election is in some way a consequence of ‘political correctness’?
Trump was elected merely because of a ridiculous quirk in the US electoral system, that might have made sense in the eighteenth century but has no relevance to the modern world: namely, that men are allowed to vote.  The country basically voted 54% to 42% for Clinton, before all those male votes were taken into account and it’s absurd this should have been allowed to distort the result.  Sure, it’s nice to let men feel they can take part, but to actually let them cast ballots unsupervised is just political correctness gone mad, and now we have to live with the consequences.
I mean, honestly, you wouldn’t let a man make decisions about the family finances, or how best to iron your blouse or what time he goes to bed, would you?  So why on earth would you let him have a say in choosing the President?

Doesn’t make sense to me.  But then, I am ‘chromosomally challenged‘* so what do I know?
(* and yes, I am using that politically correct phrase ironically. What’s wrong with just saying ‘a stupid boy‘ for goodness sake?  When did we stop calling things what they are?)
Thank goodness things round here are still sane and matriarchal. 


She seems to be controlling his masculinity problem nicely.
She loves her work.  You will too.



I think she’s recognising that his behaviour has been causing pain in their marriage – but not quite enough pain.







I wonder how the consultant goes about measuring her?





Secondary sexual characteristics – they’re even more annoying than the primary ones, sometimes.  Fortunately, a simple surgical procedure can deal with both at the same time.


Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money.  Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training.  I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns.  But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes.  Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.
 The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather.  Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I?  OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.
No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…


Effortless superiority

Oh well. Being beaten by Simon’s no fun, but there’ll be other guests who want a go too, so…
It’s good when fetishes are complementary* like that.  A friend of mine went on a date with a girl he really fancied, who turned out to have a castration fetish – and that just wasn’t his thing at all. So he hasn’t dated her since.  Or anyone, come to think of it.   Sad, really.
Of course, it’s not just about penis length.  Girth matters too.
Crush fetish again!
Oh.  OK.  (Damn!)





* Now come on, EditorDomme!  Is there another fetish blog anywhere on the Internet that knows the difference between complementary and complimentary?  As you know I take (and ocasionally receive) a lot of pains over my grammar.  I could of just written any old rubbish, but I choose my words with care.




Note: due to technical incompetence out of my control, I don’t have a good record of which captions I posted between July and October this year (and I am not looking through all the blog posts to check…).  So any males reading this who see a caption they’ve seen here before can do some work, for once in their lazy, feckless lives, and let me know in the comments.

Put in place

So I’m just supposed to hang around until she’s ready to talk, eh? Tsk. Bloody typical.

Mmm… keys.

You can give upward feedback too.  From waaaay down there.

Hmm.  Quite a predicament!  Hope little wifey doesn’t smell the smoke!  You know what she’s like…
She really shouldn’t have to worry about damage to boys’ internal organs. After all, damage to their external organs is so much more fun.


What women like

So many books about that topic, discussions on the Internet… 

But I’ve learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see.  Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don’t insist on sex.  Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave. 

After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room.  While she gets on with her life.

Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.

Her birthday’s in eleven days time. She doesn’t like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.


You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that’s going a bit too far.
Looks like someone hasn’t been following Servitor’s rules for making women happy! Remember – always leave straight after paying. Or if you’ve booked with a credit card through an escort service, just tell them it’s OK if she doesn’t turn up.  Trust me: she’ll love it.
Plenty more where that came from, so come on – get it down.

PS – as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*.  Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here.  Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: “kellogg’s frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box” and “Brita water filter replacement cartridge”.

Woah.  There are some things that are just too kinky even for me.  Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys?   Let’s try to keep it clean here.


* no, stop worrying, it doesn’t tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US.  Oh – and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.

** and “contemplating the devine” with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if you‘re not sure, you stupid males!  That’s not even a word, OK?

Just a little prick…

… oh, I’m not even going to go there.  It’s a very old joke and not very funny.


Let’s have some brand new and not very funny captions instead.

Dommes don’t care about these things, but we subs do.  The taste is quite different, for one thing.

It’s good to experiment a bit.

I’m one of her regular clients.  First Tuesday of every month, 9.35 to 9.38.  It gives meaning to my otherwise pointless existence.

Men do seem to be making some pretty strange democratic choices just now, you’ve got to admit.

um…


I was so upset that I cried

… all the way to the chip shop 

(trigger warning: video is unrelated to the subject matter of this blog, although I suppose those with a really really strong cuckoldry and insult fetish might just about find something in it).

 

And she’ll hold on to that very special key, just to make specially sure.

It’s true, actually.  There’s nothing that drives away mild discomfort quite like agony.
A bit foolish, really.  She could easily claim pro-domme rates for acting as his slavemistress and then where would he be?
I eventually got round to asking my wife whether my performance in bed was OK or not.  I was a bit worried, but actually she was very nice about it.  Said it was so long ago she’d completely forgotten after all these years and why would it matter to anyone anyway?  I was so relieved.

Silly wasting money on a bus when it’s only eight miles anyway. Think how good you’d feel putting the bus fare into the fur coat fund instead.  Every little helps.






Merciless heavens

Do you think she’s feeling generous?  I’m not sure.
The miraculously wonderful Lady Sophia Black.  Another lady who has had the misfortune of having to deal with Servitor in person.
 

 

Well, if she thought he was you at least you can be sure that nothing sexual went on between them.
 
 

 

Don’t worry about the tears dripping down, though. She quite likes that.
 
 

 

It’s amazing how brave you can be when you’re strapped down really tightly.
 
 

 

Simultaneous orgasms are over-rated anyway.  I usually don’t come until several months after my SO.

If it be your will

If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well.

 

 

I find feminine contempt very sexy.  Fortunately I get a lot of it.  Masculine contempt too, of course, but that’s not so much my thing.
 
 



I’ve heard they’re not actually that great anyway.

 

Congratulations.  You’re the ‘special friend’.  Again.  So much better than having a sexual relationship.  Really.

 




 

 
 
 
Oh god.  Let’s hope it wasn’t someone I work with this time.
 
 
 

 

Yes dear.


Taking pains

She does and so, therefore, do I.

But not here. I just slap any old rubbish on a photo and stick it on the blog.

Damn.  Why is it always about penis size?  Honestly, sometimes it just seems like women are obsessed with it.
 

 

Urrgglll – nnnnh!
 

 

I’m glad I’m into humiliation.  Otherwise, I’d probably find a lot of my encounters with women quite unpleasant.
 

 

Well, that went well.
 
 

 

Goodness, sounds like she’s going to get quite cross.  That could help, actually.