too small to satisfy anyone – Page 8 – Contemplating the divine

Effortless superiority

Oh well. Being beaten by Simon’s no fun, but there’ll be other guests who want a go too, so…


It’s good when fetishes are complementary* like that. A friend of mine went on a date with a girl he really fancied, who turned out to have a castration fetish – and that just wasn’t his thing at all. So he hasn’t dated her since. Or anyone, come to think of it. Sad, really.

Of course, it’s not just about penis length. Girth matters too.

Crush fetish again!


Oh. OK. (Damn!)

* Now come on, EditorDomme! Is there another fetish blog anywhere on the Internet that knows the difference between complementary and complimentary? As you know I take (and ocasionally receive) a lot of pains over my grammar. I could of just written any old rubbish, but I choose my words with care.

Note: due to technical incompetence out of my control, I don’t have a good record of which captions I posted between July and October this year (and I am not looking through all the blog posts to check…). So any males reading this who see a caption they’ve seen here before can do some work, for once in their lazy, feckless lives, and let me know in the comments.

Put in place

So I’m just supposed to hang around until she’s ready to talk, eh? Tsk. Bloody typical.

Mmm… keys.

You can give upward feedback too. From waaaay down there.

Hmm. Quite a predicament! Hope little wifey doesn’t smell the smoke! You know what she’s like…

She really shouldn’t have to worry about damage to boys’ internal organs. After all, damage to their external organs is so much more fun.

What women like

So many books about that topic, discussions on the Internet…

But I’ve learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see. Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don’t insist on sex. Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave.

After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room. While she gets on with her life.

Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.

Her birthday’s in eleven days time. She doesn’t like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.

You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that’s going a bit too far.

Looks like someone hasn’t been following Servitor’s rules for making women happy! Remember – always leave straight after paying. Or if you’ve booked with a credit card through an escort service, just tell them it’s OK if she doesn’t turn up. Trust me: she’ll love it.

Plenty more where that came from, so come on – get it down.

PS – as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*. Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here. Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: “kellogg’s frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box” and “Brita water filter replacement cartridge”.

Woah. There are some things that are just too kinky even for me. Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys? Let’s try to keep it clean here.

* no, stop worrying, it doesn’t tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US. Oh – and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.

** and “contemplating the devine” with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if you‘re not sure, you stupid males! That’s not even a word, OK?

Just a little prick…

… oh, I’m not even going to go there. It’s a very old joke and not very funny.

Let’s have some brand new and not very funny captions instead.

Dommes don’t care about these things, but we subs do. The taste is quite different, for one thing.

It’s good to experiment a bit.

I’m one of her regular clients. First Tuesday of every month, 9.35 to 9.38. It gives meaning to my otherwise pointless existence.

Men do seem to be making some pretty strange democratic choices just now, you’ve got to admit.

um…

I was so upset that I cried

… all the way to the chip shop

(trigger warning: video is unrelated to the subject matter of this blog, although I suppose those with a really really strong cuckoldry and insult fetish might just about find something in it).

And she’ll hold on to that very special key, just to make specially sure.

It’s true, actually. There’s nothing that drives away mild discomfort quite like agony.

A bit foolish, really. She could easily claim pro-domme rates for acting as his slavemistress and then where would he be?

I eventually got round to asking my wife whether my performance in bed was OK or not. I was a bit worried, but actually she was very nice about it. Said it was so long ago she’d completely forgotten after all these years and why would it matter to anyone anyway? I was so relieved.

Silly wasting money on a bus when it’s only eight miles anyway. Think how good you’d feel putting the bus fare into the fur coat fund instead. Every little helps.

Merciless heavens

Do you think she’s feeling generous? I’m not sure.

The miraculously wonderful Lady Sophia Black. Another lady who has had the misfortune of having to deal with Servitor in person.

Well, if she thought he was you at least you can be sure that nothing sexual went on between them.

Don’t worry about the tears dripping down, though. She quite likes that.

It’s amazing how brave you can be when you’re strapped down really tightly.

Simultaneous orgasms are over-rated anyway. I usually don’t come until several months after my SO.

If it be your will

If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well.

I find feminine contempt very sexy. Fortunately I get a lot of it. Masculine contempt too, of course, but that’s not so much my thing.

I’ve heard they’re not actually that great anyway.

Congratulations. You’re the ‘special friend’. Again. So much better than having a sexual relationship. Really.

Oh god. Let’s hope it wasn’t someone I work with this time.

Yes dear.

Taking pains

She does and so, therefore, do I.

But not here. I just slap any old rubbish on a photo and stick it on the blog.

Damn. Why is it always about penis size? Honestly, sometimes it just seems like women are obsessed with it.

Urrgglll – nnnnh!

I’m glad I’m into humiliation. Otherwise, I’d probably find a lot of my encounters with women quite unpleasant.

Well, that went well.

Goodness, sounds like she’s going to get quite cross. That could help, actually.

Riddle of the minx

Don’t you? Just sign you heartless bastard – look how you’re upsetting her!

Actually, there are surprisingly few blogs catering for those with a mushroom fetish. And this one probably won’t again, so enjoy it while you can. Deviants.

Mistress Asian, like it says on the picture. Welcome to the blog, Ma’am!