period pains – Contemplating the divine

That would be funny…

Actually, there’s a perfectly simple explanation. Just tell her you’re a pervert.

You can get quite sweaty dressed up like that. Hope the other guests have brought plenty of liquids.

Hee hee. Brad might think he’s her favourite lover, but she doesn’t put the spotty socks on for him, does she? I know where her true affections lie. Anyway, better get on with it, there’s ironing to do (yum!).

Very true. We each have our special skill. Mine is ‘incompetence’.

Blubbolow fllabbo ploh?

Indignity

Try hopping back and forth from one leg to the other. That can help a lot.

Well, OK, as long as it’s safe, sane, consensual and well-deserved. Or any two of those, anwyay.

People say that to keep up a diet you have to be really strict with yourself, but I’ve found that someone else being strict works just as well.

While you’re down there, you notice Simon’s shoes are quite badly scuffed – and there’s a client meeting later. What do you do? (a) say nothing, (b) let him know or (c) give them a quick polish yourself, as you’re there anyway. Take your time, there are no ‘wrong’ answers.

Well, as long as she remembers to keep it charged this time.

Not just the Pink Panther scene

Before we start, here’s a bit of found femdom that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You remember Valerie Leon, the lady from the Pink Panther movie (yes you do, it was probably one of your formative sexual experiences, right? Pervert.)

That’s not the found femdom, everyone knows about that. (Oh yes you do! Stop lying.).

Anyway, an advertising agency in the 1970s obviously thought that the male submissive market was an underexploited market for aftershave so… this. And this. Maybe others, I don’t know.

I imagine it was rather effective. Thinking about the typical British aftershave from the 70s and 80s, I think it’s a fair bet that if you splashed it on liberally before visiting a domme, she’d give you a pretty memorable session. Possibly using a bullwhip from the maximum distance.

Thought you’d like to know.

On we go…

Oh no, not again. Honestly, it’s like that story’s following me around.

Well, at least two of them like pain a lot. If he really insists, perhaps they could hold a vote.

Yes, you don’t want to cause ofence to religious people. This blog certanly never does that, except perhaps to the poor evangelical guy who had a Christian blog of the same name… sorry about that, mate.

I hate it when the legs get caught between my teeth. Don’t you hate that?

hmm? wha?

Like lovers do

Sex..?. Don’t talk to me about sex. I tried it once – not tryin’ that again. Nearly got me ‘ead stuck!
Joke copyright Alexei Sayle.

It’s wilful impertinence on your part. So’s being too early, obviously.

Scurry scurry scurry…

Don’t worry. She’s quite sweet, really. When she’s not in a bad mood.

In space, no one can hear you sigh with hopeless romantic infatuation…

We’re not worthy

Just never met the right girl, I guess. Hard to strike up a meaningful conversation in seven seconds or less.

Happy to be of service.

Shame she doesn’t get sexual pleasure out of the beatings. That’s two of you, then.

It’ s easy to get confused.

No comment.

Feeling her pain

…it’s just something she likes me to do from time to time.

Strictly speaking, that’s probably against school rules. I mean, it’s not as if the chalk’s her property, after all.

It’s up to you whether you sign of course – and feel free to take your time. She can always do you after lunch, if you can hold out that long. Not a problem.

Thank you. Ahhh.

That sounds very fair.

Glad to be of service. It’s the highlight of my month, actually.