financial management – Page 7 – Contemplating the divine

They think it odd and Sodom and Gomorrah-ble

My SO can be scatterbrained like that. Just last week was supposed to be my annual orgasm and the silly thing forgot it completely! How we laughed when she realised the next day why I’d been looking so anxious. She still smiles when she thinks about it…

Abusive behaviour can develop slowly – or can be quite quick, starting almost as soon as one hands over the bag containing the champagne and the envelope with the tribute money.

Tried it. What now? Hmm?

The rules can be quite strict. I tried to change my name to my wife’s and they wouldn’t allow it. Isn’t that ridiculous – in this day and age? Apparently “Mywifes” is not an officially recognised christian name.

Well, I hope she’s prepared to let him stay for the whole session, even if he did underpay.

Financial liabilities

Oh hi, Mr Travers. Do come in. This is Emilie Haskins – one of my colleagues
who works in fixed-income products.

Thanks for dropping by.
Look: I’ve been thinking about our last consultation. I’d like to apologise for…maybe over-reacting to some of the little jokes you made. As you said: you’re from
an older generation and I expect ‘in your day’ it was perfectly normal to
compliment a woman on her legs. Not your fault if you’re a ‘leg man’ is it? As you said. And as you also so rightly said, it was partly my own fault for wearing quite such a short skirt.

Just so as long as you remember that I’m your independent
financial advisor, not a ‘lovely bit of skirt’ as you so… amusingly
described me, I don’t see why we shouldn’t continue to have a business
relationship.

All right then, Mr Travers, if you want to put it that way! As well as a lovely bit of skirt. Goodness, the jokes never stop with you, do they? Such fun. Anyway: to be a bit more serious, we’ve identified a customised financial product that
we think is just right for you! Haven’t we, Em?

If you’d like to come and sit down – I’m afraid there’s only one chair, but Emilie here can perch on the desk. As long as you don’t mind her looming over you like that? No? Didn’t think you would. Right then.

Now: this financial product. It does
take some active management, so you’d need to come and see me and Emilie about
it… ooh at least once a month. Or we could even visit you at home, if that’s easier for you? Would
that be OK? Great.

Do you want to hear more about it…? I’ve got a 37 page brochure
here, just erm… excuse me Em, would you mind shifting your legs? Yes: here it is. So, you could take it away if you like and…? No? You OK with just going ahead and signing?

Mr Travers? Goodness, you were miles away there! I was saying: shall we just sign? Great.

Right: sign there.
And there. Sorry, I’ll make some space here on the desk next to Emily’s legs so you can sign. Just there. No: there, Mr
Travers. You won’t sign in the right
place unless you look at it, will you? That’s it. This one’s for the bank: initial every page
and sign at the bottom. Super. That’s
right, just leave the bit saying ‘Beneficiary’ blank: we’ll fill that in.

And there’s another… oh, Emilie’s sitting on
it! Mind out Em! There we are – if you could just…?

Yes, I suppose you had better sign it while it’s
still warm! I warned you he was a joker, didn’t I, Em? Goodness, Em… you look like you’re about to burst with laughter right now – but you have to keep that under control, OK? Like we discussed. Until the business is all settled.

Don’t mind her, Mr Travers. She’s just got a very lively sense of humour – just like you! Anyway: you sign there, look: below where it says ‘Waiver’. And again, under where it says: ‘Power of attorney’. Brilliant.

Great. Well… I think
we’re done. Unless you have any more
savings you haven’t told me about? Right
then. Well, I think you’re all set for
the financial future you most certainly deserve, Mr Travers.

Oh – that’s Em bursting out in giggles again! You’ve certainly put her in a good mood, Mr Travers! And I’ve enjoyed our chat too: it’ll be an absolute pleasure to take care of all your money.

We’ll call you in a few days, to
explain a thing or two, once all the funds have been transferred, OK?

Bye now!

New year, same old nonsense

Just, more of it than usual.

It’s not that special. Chocolate log with a couple of profiteroles, basically. I could do that. I don’t see why they need such a big carving knife for it, either.

There are few surer ways to keep the romance of marriage alive than doing your wife’s boyfriend’s laundry, and picking things up around his apartment.

And they say there are no jobs for men in the modern workplace! There will always be shoes, I say and I don’t think we’re going to be seeing them cleaned over the Internet any time soon!

Probably. Or some other reason. Does it matter?

Don’t worry – they have a solar charger, so it’s very environmentally sound. Anyway, no one could seriously consider it a ‘waste’ of electricity to shock a man’s testicles, could they? It’s what electricity was invented for.

Mmm…. Sounds like there’s a heavy session in store! And without even having to pay! Well… not pay directly, anyway.

You can claim compensation from the airline, I expect. Then get another one. A nuisance but hardly the end of the world. Except for him, obviously.

I’m hoping to develop a bead-sorting fetish. Hasn’t happened yet, but there are many, many long nights ahead of me so there’s plenty of time.

I wish my wife would let me have a weekly allowance… imagine, money of my own to spend on whatever I want! But she says I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility and she’s probably right.

Or maybe next year.

The delightful Mistress Eleise, the best view ever to appear through a periscope, here to round off this bumper holiday bonanza of… you can supply your own word beginning with b.

And… just to finish off, a little found femdom starring the fabulous Emily Ratajkowski.
I recommend Mr Pinniped’s channel more generally, actually.

I hope all the female readers (OK, both the female readers) of this blog have a lovely 2019 and the rest of you have the miserable, soul-destroying time you so richly deserve and secretly crave.

Sometimes it’s hard

…but most of the time it’s soft, all safe and sound locked away in its little tube.

Women, eh? Can’t do anything for themselves!

Erm… actually, that is fully erect. Ma’am.

It must be tedious being so perfect and wonderful.

Yet another time-saving app. Do we ever stop to wonder what we’re going to do with all of the time we’re saving, hmm? I mean, for me it’ll mostly be ironing and scrubbing floors but not everyone has the external motivation I’m lucky enough to receive.

Playful execution is essentially the theme of her whole oeuvre, if you know what I mean.

Pertinent

I always try to be.

You could try combining the two?

She should really increase your housekeeping allowance, you know. I think you should take a stand on this. Be a man, you know?

Just a joke, OK? If you’re religious at all, please be reassured that I have the utmost respect for all religions. I uphold your right to worship your god, whatever you call Her.

She’s really making an effort to satisfy your fetish here.

Hmm. Looks like they didn’t read my email about my likes and dislikes in session. The corset is supposed to stay on. Plus, I’m pretty sure I didn’t request the whole plastic sheeting, knives and blood thing. I’ll have to have a word.

My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?

Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.

Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know? She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.

In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.

You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah? Any ideas why ? Hmm? No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.

The other was me and I’m a boy

Never quite sure what The Who were complaining about in that song. Looks to me like an idyllic childhood.

You can earn free hair grips and stuff when you spend money too – pretty cool, huh?

She tries so hard… but usually fails.

That’s a bit unfair. I once told my SO that I could do any job a woman can do, so she arranged an internshp at a brothel, giving blow-jobs to oil rig workers on shore leave. To be honest, I wasn’t quite as good at it as the girls but I had plenty of clients once they priced me at a 95% discount.

Yeah, how about it Dave? Equal pay for equal work. Stand up for yourself and be a man, for once. Or ‘you go, girl!’. Whatever.

Our pillory’s my special place. I can spend hours at a time in there, not really doing anything in particular, you know?

I beg to differ

… but she rarely lets me.

I don’t want to do anything she disapproves of. It’s too painful.

Always expect the unexpected. Except on this blog, where we ran out of ideas years ago and just keep recycling the same old tropes.

It’s only a small bottle, but they deliver them in packs of 24, annoyingly.

Sure,
darling, of course, I… do you know, I don’t seem to have a pen with
me? What a shame, I’ll just – what’s that? You have one with you,
darling? Oh. Oh good. Right. So I just sign…? There. Right.

Mmm… blackmail fetish and schoolgirl play combined! Lots of fun.

They can beg and they can plead

…but they can’t see the light.

Are you sitting uncomfortably? Then she’ll begin.

You’re actually already halfway through the session. Might as well finish off.

Good. Good. I expect she’ll be chucking away all those dusty old wine bottles in the cellar and filling up the racks with some nice fresh sparkling wine with cheerful labels, too.

If it’s any consolation to him, after her friend has finished the face-slapping session tomorrow, he will look like a house elf.

As it happens, the second guy from the front is the Financial Director of one of the biggest German pension and insurance conglomerates. He’s wondering whether he should say something here – but by now he’s probably got more sense.

Unmancipation

When I first started dating my SO, I’d often finish before She had a chance to come, but now things are more under control She typically has oh… two, three…maybe even four hundred orgasms before that happens.

It’s always embarassing when men have to go to what’s basically a girls’ night out, isn’t it? You kind of stand around awkwardly, watching the wives roaring with laughter while you make polite converation about ironing tips and suchlike. Women are just better at social events… it’s because they’ve got more empathy.

Life will be a lot simpler. You can do as she says or starve.

Big decision. Don’t pressure her, OK?

I’m down on my hands and knees. Point me to the broken glass.