Category: financial management

Unrequited contempt

It’s always best to ask women in advance what they want. Imagine how awful it would be to spend an hour or two every day for a year writing 36,500 lines only to find out she’d really have preferred something else.

That’s not how many kicks you’re actually going to get, you understand.  She just wants to understand how guilty you feel.

With Brexit it’s probably a good idea to own a few professionals based in Germany or France, too.  You know – diversify.

Just take one whenever you experience feelings of adequacy or self-confidence.

What an honour.


Put in place

So I’m just supposed to hang around until she’s ready to talk, eh? Tsk. Bloody typical.

Mmm… keys.

You can give upward feedback too.  From waaaay down there.

Hmm.  Quite a predicament!  Hope little wifey doesn’t smell the smoke!  You know what she’s like…
She really shouldn’t have to worry about damage to boys’ internal organs. After all, damage to their external organs is so much more fun.


Marriage guidance

Honesty is so important in a mariage. I told my wife on our wedding night that I wanted her to be completely honest and open, if my performance in bed wasn’t satisfying her, and the very next day she told the hotel staff and a couple of guys we met in a bar all about it.  And since then, she’s told all her friends, all my friends, my co-workers and quite a lot of random strangers.  So much better for these things to be out in the open, don’t you think?


Oh… that Sonia.  Oh dear.







We can’t always get what we want. She can, but we can’t.









I guess you could always renegotiate if it isn’t working out for one or other of you.


She’s got a lot of pain for Doug to work through.




It’s all so calculating (she’s got a calculator)

You say you’ll never know him, he’s an unnatural man

It’s not the size anyway, it’s what you do with it.  And how many times.

He can say no, of course. As many times as he likes, actually.
She gets through boyfriends quite quickly, I’ve heard.  Must be a bit fickle, I suppose.  Shame, ‘cos she’s cute.

Looks good on her, don’t you think?  Better than on the donors, I expect.

Actually, there are lots of things they don’t approve of men doing. Good job you’ve got her to protect you.

Married, with consequences

Married couples should talk about their finances.  Too few do – but it can save a lot of pain later on.
 

 

Than you Susan.  (braces)
 
 

 

I hope she doesn’t give in to peer pressure. When she decides to have you castrated it should be because that’s what she wants to do. No other considerations should come into it.





 

 

Nasty man with big smelly feet. Really smelly feet.  I can’t understand what she sees in him.
 

 

Those surveys… I think all they do is make women feel unsatisfied.  And I should know.