Category: femdom

Take me, I’m yours

Because dreams are made of this.


And if she isn’t free, your daughter’s got lots of other friends who could step in.

Did you have something better to do? No?  Well then.

That half a day’s going to drag a bit.  I hate not really having anything to do, you know?

Those two extra legs make all the diference.  Insects don’t usually have such big fangs too.
Could be a career breakthrough here.  Make yourself valuable to stars like Gigi Allens and who knows where you might go?


…and you can spend more time in the office!

Two short pieces about office life that were just too long to work as captions.

Recognition

OK! Yeah! Great! Thanks, Mike. Now the prize for the idea that most contributed to the company’s success… well, we didn’t need to think too long about this one! I guess you all know the story? One of our biggest Chinese suppliers really screwed up and sent us three months supply of babywear in sizes, like, six or seven times too big? I don’t know what they were thinking – centimetres and inches? Even that doesn’t really do it. Do they have, like, six foot tall babies in China? Anyway, they went bankrupt so I guess no one will ever know.

So there we were, right? Three months stock – plastic pants, dresses, dummies, baby reins – and none of it was going to fit any baby that ever lived! But cometh the hour, cometh the man. One employee who heard about the trouble – a guy who didn’t even work in our babywear divison – sent an anonymous email to marketing with the idea that saved the company, right? And you all know what happened then.

And today our fetishwear division is the most profitable in the company! Yeah! Those humiliation freaks will pay any kind of margins we set for our stuff – they can’t get enough of it. Oh – and have I mentioned we’re about to launch a very exciting range of lockable sissy clothing?

OK. OK. Yeah! Great. OK, settle down because now I’ve got a surprise for you.

Our guys in IT have been working to trace that anonymous email. Because this company believes that great contributions need to be recognised – in public! – and rewarded. And, I guess, because we’d all love to hear how he even got the idea!

And he’s here today… so are you going to come up here and take a bow, Mr Anonymous? Or do I have to ‘out’ you, huh?

C’mon, don’t be so modest! Take a bow and take the credit! You deserve it!

Mr 49 year-old Anonymous… from the Cleveland office… 

Conditions of service

OK, yeah, it is ‘that’ Mark Lewis. And listen, if you don’t want to work with him, I’d respect that. Especially after suffering all that sexual harassment in your last job – anyone would be angry with sexually predatory men after that.

But let me tell you a few things about Mark, OK – a few things other than that he stole all those panties from his co-workers and was caught masturbating into a shoe. First off, right, he’s a really great coder and the most painstaking worker in the division. He’ll pull an all-nighter whenever needed, just checking through the code, without complaining. We need our products to be bug-free from the moment they go out the door, and it’s hard to find that kind of dedication.

Secondly, you know about the agreement he had to sign, right?

Yeah, sure, he’s wearing a steel tube. That’s part of it. Everyone knows about that part. But do you know about the behavioural conditions?

Well, Mark has to demonstrate respect for his female co-workers in all his interactions. And it’s up to them how they make him demonstrate that. So, for example, some of his co-workers make him stand to the side with his nose pressed up against a wall when they walk past, others make him apologise for being a pantie-stealing pervert at the start of every meeting – that kind of thing.

So as his new boss you’d –

What? Yeah, sure, anything you like, I guess. I mean, obviously if he really didn’t want to do it he could resign… but he’s 56 and all his healthcare and pension are here, you know, so… pretty much anything goes, I guess.

Do you need some time to think about it?

Of course, I should probably emphasise that you couldn’t make him do anything actually illegal or hazardous to his health… I’ll just make a note that we discussed that at this meeting, OK? But as long as that’s understood, can I take it you’re on board to take on the role of his supervisor?

Great. I’ll call him in to tell him the good news.

Advice to a novice sissy maid

It’s been ages since we had any posts with Servitor’s tips for novice subs. So long, in fact, that many of you probably have no idea what I’m even talking about, in which case you should educate yourselves by clicking here and also here.  How can you expect to enjoy this blog if you haven’t done all the reading, hmm?


I am of course more experienced at visiting professional dominatrices than ever now.  In fact, I understand there are even forums on the Internet where dommes can share my mobile number and email, to put me on a ‘don’t call’ blacklist.  Ah… they love to play hard to get, the cunning little minxes!  But I have my ways of oozing past their defences.


But it’s not all about my pleasure, and I like to share the wisdom, so here once again are some top tips for a novice submissive. This time, it’s a sissy maid special!  If you’re planning to book a sissy maid session, make sure you read all of these first, OK?  You might even find it helpful to write each out 200 times.  You naughty girl.  Oooh!


That was very British.  I’m sure American and other readers can supply appropriate geographic equivalents of the East End and industrial North, if need be.  Brooklyn, maybe?  ‘Chavvy’ translates more or less to ‘trailer trash’.




Oh – and an extra tip?  If you’re permitted to reach orgasm at
the end of your maid’s session and you make a mess, don’t worry.  She understands that you won’t feel like doing any more cleaning, once
you’re no longer feeling sexy.  She’ll clean it up after you’re
gone.

IMPORTANT advice warning!
The information on this blog is of a general nature.
It does not take your specific needs or circumstances into
consideration, so you should look at your own financial position, pain threshold and courage before acting upon any of the advice presented here.  Contemplating the Divine is not responsible for any injury or loss of life and property resulting from any such action.  Sissy maids should always bear in mind that stocks are inherently risky, and that hours spent locked into one can result in severe discomfort.

Domesticated bliss

Actually: confession time. I, servitor, am not actually into femdom at all. It’s all a cruel punishment perpetrated upon me by an evil woman who forces me to spend hours each week scouring the internet for pictures of ladies in leather boots, or holding canes – which don’t excite me at all! – and write silly captions on them. Oh, the torment.

Well, these things matter, y’know?  Sure, Kurt’s main priority right now is to spend the night fucking your wife like a piledriver.  But in the morning, he’s going to want a nice fresh pair of briefs to pull over his aching cock, amiright?

My SO, a few of her friends and I played this game with a tattoo pen once.  Goodness, we laughed!  Some of us.

Would it be to make a banana smoothie?

Cultural norms can vary a lot, even within the same country. At the office where I work, for example, I’m allowed on the furniture and to drink water without asking permission.


Owner-controlled

It’s good to live in a comunity united around a shared interest.

Her feelings matter, remember.  A lot.

 

I’d reach for ‘Polite dissenting opinion No 1’ but ‘we’ decided to remove it from the approved list.


It’s a good idea to wear a lot of pink, to avoid being mistaken for a feral male. Ferals hate wearing pink – especially frilly lacy things.




Aww… sweet.  My own SO asked me how I’d like her to remember me and I suggested an alarm on her phone, every month when it’s time to change the straw. It’s working out pretty well.


Final edits




So, Mr Poole, we’re all really excited here about your
novel.  It’s going to be huge –
absolutely huge.  It just… well, it just
speaks to that kind of nameless angst we all have, you know?  Draws you in from the very first page.
Brilliant.
Anyway, hope you won’t take this amiss, but it’s my job to
make a few suggestions about style, here and there?  Just – you know – in a first novel it’s often
hard to judge just what the reader will find in something you wrote.
I mean, I have very little to suggest on this one,
obviously. I don’t want to interfere with your distinctive voice.  But there were a few passages where I felt you
could convey your meaning a bit, well, a bit more succinctly…
Like what? Oh, well… erm… when Peter first sees Julie, at
the concert.  I mean, it’s brilliant,
obviously, that scene.  It’s like you’ve
taken a photograph of Julie as he sees her and you’re just playing it into the
reader’s mind a few lines at a time from the very top… her hair, her necklace, her top, her skirt… and then her
shoes.  Yeah.
Actually it’s the
shoes.  I just thought… you know, you’ve
done from the top of her head to her ankles in about a page, so then three
pages just on the shoes… It just seems…
Yeah!  A bit
much!  Exactly.  Just a little too long!  And then again, on their third date, when she
comes back to his apartment.  When she takes off her shoes, the way you’ve written it, it’s erm… the reader’s attention might wander a
bit after the first page or so, that’s all.
Oh – yes, and much later on, during the Raquel episode, where Julie’s furious with him and she
goes running, really pushing herself hard? 
And she gets back to her place and she’s run herself so hard that she’s
sweated stains right through her trainers? 
I mean, that is such a brilliant image! 
Of her rage, you know, just expressing itself but then emerging in kind of a tawdry way.  But, you know, once the
point’s been made, once the image is there, you could move on rather faster.  I mean, at the end of that section I felt
like I knew every millimetre of her sweaty trainers!  Every stitch, every shade of every sweat stain… Like my face had been pressed right up
against them for pages and pages… not a very pleasant image!  I mean, really.  Is it?
Ahem.
Moving on… anyway, there’s one more thing we have to talk about. Quite embarrassing!  Yeah – that’s right: I’m afraid it’s
the sex scene! Sorry… just doing my job. 
Look – don’t worry about it, OK? 
I mean everybody finds it hard to write a really convincing sex scene.
I just thought… the change of mood was really weird and I didn’t quite get why
you did it.  I mean, it was so heavy
and moody and then suddenly it’s more like farce as if you’re playing it for laughs, and –
What do I mean?
Oh.  Well… take this
bit. “Slowly drawing her hand back from his unbuckled belt, Julie gasped in
silent awe as four inches of manhood rose to sway proudly in front of her.  ‘Be gentle’ she whispered, wanting the full
experience of this behemoth, yet at the same time dreading – “ anyway, you get
the point?  I mean why play it for
laughs?
Isn’t it? Oh. I thought it was funny. 
Erm… no, I don’t think I know why.  I just thought it was, erm… funny.  Doesn’t matter.
Anyway!  Later, she’s … well, she’s getting…the full four
inches, right, and she starts giggling a bit, then laughs out loud, just at the
point when he… when he climaxes.  That’s
fine, obviously.  But then later they’re
talking in bed and they both say what a great orgasm they’ve had and – I didn’t
really get that bit.  I mean, she didn’t
have an orgasm, did she? She just laughed at him.
What do you mean, that was the orgasm?
Oh.  Oh, right.
So later, when Peter has a fling with Raquel and he unzips
his pants and she just laughs straight off the moment she sees his… his full
four inches, that’s – ?
Right.  OK.  I misunderstood that. On the first reading.
Fine.
So!  You might just
want to take those thoughts and just, you know… maybe a few short
rewrites.  Actually, if you could get it
from the 90,000 words it is now down to less than eighty that would be really
good.  It’s a better size for the
booksellers. Losing 10,000 words sounds like a lot, but actually I reckon you
could get that just from trimming the bits about ladies’ shoes. Maybe more.
Brilliant!  So –
what’s next?  Amanda told me that you
mentioned you’re already working on a second novel. That’s really
exciting!  Good for the marketing too,
actually.  Got a title you can share with
us?
“Sales incentives?” 
Oooh!  What’s that about?  Yeah? 
Life and loves of the owner of a high street shop, eh? Falling for one
after another of his lady customers, I expect, if he’s anything like
Peter!  Sounds great!
So what does he sell? What sort of shop is it?  Oh hang on – on second thoughts, don’t tell
me.  Let me see if I can guess.

It is to laugh

As you know, this blog occasionally takes a light-hearted approach to our beloved theme of femdom, gently poking fun at some of its clichés and foibles.  And of course, the blog also deals with topics such as testicle-crushing, burial alive, betrayal, murder, blackmail, torture and forced lobotomies – but always with a tongue firmly in someone’s cheek.  In almost precisely the words of the late, great Bob Monkhouse: “People laughed
when I told them I was planning to publish a humorous femdom blog. They’re not laughing
now.”


I know of three other blogs that also poke fun in an affectionate way at our shared obsession, so here are some links in case any of you haven’t come across them yet:


Editor Domme has a particular focus on femdom captions, handing out merciless correction to those which transgress the rules of grammar, abuse homonyms or lack any basic coherence.  The wise Editrix keeps all us captioners on our toes, as awfull punishments await those she catches.*

Much like mine, the Tiresome Sex Tropes blog consists almost entirely of overused, tired femdom stereotypes.  Unlike mine, it takes issue with them, rather than merely doing them to death.  After all, do we really want to spend all our time looking at pictures of young beautiful women wearing leather, latex or starched white blouses, captioned to be saying menacing things?  Hmm? I mean, doesn’t that get boring after a while?  Wouldn’t we rather look at… I dunno, scenic shots of colourful markets in developing countries?  Anyway, I am proud to have been sufficiently tiresome to feature twice already on the TST blog (and I’m only getting started).


Finally, Poorly Dressed Dominatrix is a blog featuring images of… oh, just try to guess.  Perhaps a little crueller than the others**, but I think the mocking is gently affectionate. Plus, the majority of images it features look more like general glamour models who have put on a corset (on one memorable occasion, upside-down), picked up a whip and tried to look fierce for the camera***, rather than real pro-dommes who, after all, are doing their best to provide an essential service in often difficult circumstances – and always look perfect.  It hasn’t been updated for a couple of months, so perhaps there’s no more bad fetish fashion around any more. Job done?


I think all three blogs are great and I check on them regularly.

Right.  Now, if you’ve visited all three, I expect you’re ready for some images of immaculately dressed dominatrices, each image accompanied by a witty caption expressing an entirely original femdom notion in perfect English.  

Sadly, I only have these to offer:










* Splendidly, the existence of the Editor Domme blog means that from now on I can always claim that any spelling or grammatical error committed here is a deliberate attempt to attract the wrath of the stern Editrix.  And those committed before her blog even started, erm, were probably just deliberately anticipating such fun!


** Editor Domme is of course occasionally quite cruel to caption writers.  But that’s just fine.  Ma’am.


*** I’ll confess I do actually quite like this look.  As long as they don’t try to do that thing of looking fierce by drawing back their lips to snarl at the camera.  Particularly if they try to hold that expression for the entire shoot.  Darlings: you’re lovely, but that’s not the way to look scary.

Thank Goddess it’s Friday!

It’s always such a relief to get home on a Friday evening after a tough week at work, when there’s still a few hours to make an early start on the weekend chores.


It’s a bit disappointing that they started without you, actually.  Maybe you should say something? Marriages should be founded on mutual respect.

What a lot of canes she has. One would be quite enough to reduce me to total obedience.  Women, eh?  Can’t control those shopping instincts.  Bless ’em.

Some time it really has to be my turn to serve. Surely.

Most blokes only play at 10, you see, and where can you go from there?

A very good point.  Sexual identity can be complicated.  Best to have someone else in charge of it, I say.
The lovely Mistress Akella, there.  But I forgot!  You’re gay (now) – so I don’t suppose you’re that interested in her?

Incidentally, readers, have any of you noticed that the new British Prime Minister has the same name as a rather splendid British domme?  Well, there’s an ‘h’ of difference but that’s all.  I can’t see the coincidence doing either of their careers any good at all, to be honest, but I wish both well.

He works if you hurt him

So keep coming back.

I expect there’s some good news as well.  Just not for them.






You’re about to find out what happened to all the other pizza delivery boys, by the look of it.




The worrying thing is that there’s at least 900 strokes of the cane due from missed weekly whippings. Still, plenty of time. He’s only 58 years old… or is it 57?

And the really good bit of the scheme is he gets to ask for another ticket to be drawn as often as he likes.  Or as often as she likes.

She’s got a point there, actually.  And did you know that a cloth and a dab of polish will get boots much cleaner than even eight hours of careful tongue-work? It’s true.  We could get the whole femdom thing done a lot quicker if we just took more advantage of modern technology.