crush – Page 2 – Contemplating the divine

Active-aggressive behaviour

Actually, I think her levels of married bliss have never been higher.

Have you noticed their expressions? I don’t think they’re going to argue about this. Sometimes couples already really know what needs to be done – the role of the external expert is just to help them open up about it to each other.

He does still participate in rapes from time to time, though. Just in a different role.

Valuable protein.

That kind of bitchy behaviour is quite unusual in OWK, actually. Generally, the ladies work within a supportive and positive team culture. It’s about mutual respect in the workplace, basically.

Self discipline is over-rated

Always better to get someone else to do it for you, either a professional or an enthusiastic amateur. That way you’ll get a proper job done.

Don’t worry about the bruises. Most clients like them.

It’s not your fault. I’m sure she won’t be taking it out on you.

I usually find that a short discussion is enough, but often she wants to go into things at much greater length.

Don’t worry – most men experience depression post-castration. But do you know what? No one gives a shit. So that’s OK.

That reminds me, one of my girlfriends used to have a pet name for me: cockroach.

The word of command

“No!”, usually.

Huh! And she accuses you of being a gadget freak! Never goes anywhere without that remote, these days.

So much more fun than silly old ‘naughty maid’. And the marks last a lot longer too.

Actually, the embarassment comes from the fact that she didn’t realise there’s only one ‘o’ in loser when she did it. But I’d be too polite to point that out – wouldn’t you? Still, better than this guy I used to know who became enslaved to an eighteen year-old. He is branded with the word “Pwned!” – doesn’t it just make you cringe?

Frankly, I think it’s a bit lazy not to do it herself. Ooops – you won’t tell her I said that?

I was reading the crush version of Metamorphosis the other day. It’s shorter than Kafka’s original.

TLC

Tender loving cruelty, that is.

Let’s hope the helpline gets back to her quickly. She doesn’t want a suffocated corpse lying around her flat – again.

Female supremacy means never having to admit youre wrong

Not that it really matters.

Men who find it difficult to see their wives’ points of view should try it – it’s amazing what a few hours of agony can do.

Oh no. Not Sarah. Not again. That’s just not fair. Maybe you should say something?

Thought I’d moved on, didn’t you? Oh no. She haunts my dreams…and my hard drive.

Please, sorry and thank you

Oh please, oh please, no more, I can’t, I just can’t…I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry, and I –

[AGONY]

Thank you, Sarah! Thank you for beating me!

Oh no, oh please, please Sarah, for pity’s sake don’t, I…

[etc]

Three little words. But so important, don’t you think?

Fortunately, some important brain functions remain completely unharmed – the pain receptors, for example.

No imagination. You’d think she’d get bored with it after the thirtieth blow, the thirtieth desperate shriek, the thirtieth angry weal of brutalised flesh. But no…

She looks so unhappy! Dommes shouldn’t be unhappy. Still, they can always ensure they’re not the unhappiest person in the room.

Wow. You could be getting a multiple orgasm here – more than once in one year, that is.

It’s a perfect match. He likes eating food, but he’s no good at cookery. He likes to look smart but he hates ironing. He gets quite moody, and sometimes you need a good kicking. Made for each other.

Later she bought the movie, but it was all a bit disappointing. He was just one of quite a few actors in it. There is one scene when you catch a glimpse of his face, screaming in terror, but it’s only for a second or so, then a boot gets in the way and the screaming abruptly stops. Later on, there’s a longer shot of something being scraped into a waste disposal unit, and she thought that was probably him, but it was very hard to be sure.