Todays theme is love.
But then, it always is.
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| Enjoy. |
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| That was kind, don’t you think? Changing her plans like that, just for you. |
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| The customer is always right. |
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| Number 17. |
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| Soft power… stronger than diamond. |
Category: castration
Try to see it Her way
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| Quite a moment here, in your marriage. Because it’s the last time you’ll hear “fetch the canvas bag” without experiencing that stab of fear. |
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| Nothing wrong with a healthy day’s sport. Really, they’re just helping Nature to keep the numbers down. |
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| Hmmm… she’s rather pretty isn’t she? It’ll be fun fantasising about her when you’re lying in bed after your operation. As long as your throat doesn’t ache so much you’re not feeling in the mood, anyway. Something to look forward to! |
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| God, it can be agonising waiting for a woman to come sometimes, can’t it? Especially when you’ve started drawing blood. Oh well – better get on with it. |
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| Really, you can scream and beg as much as you like. She doesn’t mind at all. |
It’s a big enough umbrella, but it’s always me that ends up getting wet
I loved that line, and the image it conveys, when I first heard it as a teenager.
Y at-il un lecteur de ce blog qui sait où je peux trouver un donjon (ou “SM-Studio” ou quelque chose de similaire) à louer pour quelques heures, Paris ou ses environs? S’il vous plaît écrivez dans la section des commentaires si vous en connaissez un. Un grand merci (et je m’excuse pour ce que j’écris le français si mal!).
Back to English. More pictures of incompetently captioned perfection follow.
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| Not quite dry… |
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| Don’t worry. She’s promised to keep really quiet, when she reaches orgasm. |
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| Awww, c’mon. Don’t be a meanie. |
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| And there you were thinking that Karen hates you! It just goes to show… |
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| They say laughter is the best aphrodisiac. Believe me, it isn’t true. |
Little things that make her laugh
…but enough about me. Ha ha.
Actually – not enough about me. I have a question, and as you readers are my favourite people I thought I’d ask you. Does anyone know of a dungeon hire/ SM studio place in Paris? You know – that hires out by the hour or so… do let me know in the comments, if you do.
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| I wouldn’t go if I were you. She won’t still respect you in the morning, you know. I mean, she doesn’t now. |
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| Hmmm. Could cut through the concrete block perhaps? No, no, that wouldn’t work. Gosh, I love puzzles, don’t you? |
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| Ooooh! A little too close for comfort there? Hmmm? |
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| Consent. No BSDSM relationship should be without it. |
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| Sometimes I’m all excited, really close to an orgasm, you know, and then something happens and I just can’t come. Did that ever happen to you? Just last spring, for example, I was really close and then I forgot to iron her shirt and I couldn’t come for months. The male orgasm…it’s really a mystery, isn’t it?. |
Femdom story: Code-talkers
Just another little tale I tossed off, if you’ll excuse the phrase. Don’t read if you’re offended by silliness.
Code-talkers
“Emily!”, Alison squealed with pleasure. “Why it’s been…well, I don’t know! It must be three years – didn’t we last meet
at Jerry’s wedding?”
at Jerry’s wedding?”
Her cousin shook her head, laughing.
“No – I couldn’t make it.
Don’t you remember? Mark had
messed up that business with the plumbing, and we had a flooded cellar. We had to stay at home to get it sorted out –
I emailed you all about it.”
Don’t you remember? Mark had
messed up that business with the plumbing, and we had a flooded cellar. We had to stay at home to get it sorted out –
I emailed you all about it.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Alison replied. “I’ll bet you gave Mark a right good thra – “
–
and she broke off, glancing nervously at the
third member of their party, their aged Great Aunt Maggie, who was sitting
bright-eyed between the two of them, nodding happily.
and she broke off, glancing nervously at the
third member of their party, their aged Great Aunt Maggie, who was sitting
bright-eyed between the two of them, nodding happily.
“I mean – errr – well, you must
have had a few stern, errr, words
with Mark after that one.”
have had a few stern, errr, words
with Mark after that one.”
“I certainly did”, Emily nodded,
grimly. “Lots of words – three dozen that first time around, and then another
session a week later when the plumber’s bill arrived.”
grimly. “Lots of words – three dozen that first time around, and then another
session a week later when the plumber’s bill arrived.”
“And how’s Mark now?” Emily
enquired casually. “When you last
emailed me, you said he was playing, errr, playing ‘golf’ rather too often and
you were thinking of putting a stop to it.”
enquired casually. “When you last
emailed me, you said he was playing, errr, playing ‘golf’ rather too often and
you were thinking of putting a stop to it.”
Her cousin laughed.
“Oh, he won’t be playing ‘golf’
any more. Well…only when I say
so. I’ve got his ‘clubs’ all locked
away, safe and sound.”
any more. Well…only when I say
so. I’ve got his ‘clubs’ all locked
away, safe and sound.”
“But you let him play
occasionally?”
occasionally?”
“Oh yes. When he’s been good. But no more than once a month or so. Just so he doesn’t get completely out of
practice, you know. I’ve heard that
‘golf balls’ have to be used every month or so, otherwise they can get damaged.”
practice, you know. I’ve heard that
‘golf balls’ have to be used every month or so, otherwise they can get damaged.”
“Never seen the point of golf
myself!” Great-Aunt Maggie burst in unexpectedly. “Just grown-ups playing marbles if you ask
me. And snooker – that’s just as
bad. Tennis. I used to like watching tennis.”
myself!” Great-Aunt Maggie burst in unexpectedly. “Just grown-ups playing marbles if you ask
me. And snooker – that’s just as
bad. Tennis. I used to like watching tennis.”
“That’s nice Mags”, Emily said,
encouragingly. “Did you watch Wimbledon
this year?”
encouragingly. “Did you watch Wimbledon
this year?”
Great-Aunt Maggie looked
puzzled. “I’m not sure, dear.” She
replied. “Was that nice Mr Borg
playing? I’m sure he won something,
didn’t he?”
puzzled. “I’m not sure, dear.” She
replied. “Was that nice Mr Borg
playing? I’m sure he won something,
didn’t he?”
“Errr…I think that might have
been a year or two earlier, Mags” Emily said, uncertainly and the three sat in
silence for while.
been a year or two earlier, Mags” Emily said, uncertainly and the three sat in
silence for while.
“So how’s David?” Alison
prompted, after a while. “I expect you
still keep his ‘golf clubs’ locked away, mmm?
With spikes, if I remember rightly.”
prompted, after a while. “I expect you
still keep his ‘golf clubs’ locked away, mmm?
With spikes, if I remember rightly.”
“Oh no” Emily giggled. “David had the operation – I’m sure I must
have told you about it?”
have told you about it?”
“Operation, dear?” Great-Aunt
Maggie butted in, apparently pleased to be on her home turf of ailments and
remedies.
Maggie butted in, apparently pleased to be on her home turf of ailments and
remedies.
“Yes Mags. I took him in last year to have his errr” –
and she caught her cousin’s eye – “to have his ‘tonsils’ taken out.”
and she caught her cousin’s eye – “to have his ‘tonsils’ taken out.”
“That’s good”, her Great-Aunt
replied. “Much better off without them.”
replied. “Much better off without them.”
“Oh yes”, Emily laughed. “He’s a changed man, without any ‘tonsils’
any more.”
any more.”
“Did you get to watch the
operation?”, Alison asked with interest, as she had been thinking about arranging
for Mark to have his ‘tonsils’ removed too.
operation?”, Alison asked with interest, as she had been thinking about arranging
for Mark to have his ‘tonsils’ removed too.
“Oh yes” her cousin replied
breathlessly. “It was great! They strapped him dow – I mean, they bandaged
him up tightly, and then they let me watch as they removed each of them in
turn. They even let me do the final
little snip. Gosh, it was so
exciting! I had a – errr – hot flush right there in the operating
theatre!”
breathlessly. “It was great! They strapped him dow – I mean, they bandaged
him up tightly, and then they let me watch as they removed each of them in
turn. They even let me do the final
little snip. Gosh, it was so
exciting! I had a – errr – hot flush right there in the operating
theatre!”
“So was Mark under anaesthetic?”
Alison asked, beginning to feel the stirrings of a ‘hot flush’ herself, and
wondering whether Great-Aunt Mags would mind if the two excused themselves and
went upstairs to visit their old bedrooms.
Alison asked, beginning to feel the stirrings of a ‘hot flush’ herself, and
wondering whether Great-Aunt Mags would mind if the two excused themselves and
went upstairs to visit their old bedrooms.
“No – not even a local, not if
you don’t want it” her cousin replied, giggling. “He made quite a fuss, especially just before
the first ‘tonsil’ came off – I mean, ‘out’.”
you don’t want it” her cousin replied, giggling. “He made quite a fuss, especially just before
the first ‘tonsil’ came off – I mean, ‘out’.”
“And they even let me keep the
tonsils afterwards” she added, casually.
“They’re in a little jar in my bedside drawer.”
tonsils afterwards” she added, casually.
“They’re in a little jar in my bedside drawer.”
“How lovely”, Emily
breathed. “So is David much more obedi –
I mean, is he a bit more co-operative now?”
breathed. “So is David much more obedi –
I mean, is he a bit more co-operative now?”
“Oh yes”, her cousin smiled. “He does anything I want. And the housework’s all done, spic and span
every time. And he also – ”
every time. And he also – ”
“Itr was the electric that did
that!” Great-Aunt Maggie broke in.
that!” Great-Aunt Maggie broke in.
“You what, Mags?”
“The electric. For housework. Made all the difference. Oh, before that it was impossible to get the
place clean. Cos before that we’d just
had gas, and that wasn’t the same, not at all.
Your Great Uncle Bert liked the gas, but I said, ‘no – we’re moving with
the times, Bert, we’re going electric.”
place clean. Cos before that we’d just
had gas, and that wasn’t the same, not at all.
Your Great Uncle Bert liked the gas, but I said, ‘no – we’re moving with
the times, Bert, we’re going electric.”
“That right, Mags?”, smiled
Alison, indulgently.
Alison, indulgently.
“Ooooh yes. I’ll tell you, as soon as we got that
electric installed, I said ‘Right Bert, this is how it’s going to be from now
on. This is the future, this is.’ And he
didn’t know the first thing about it! He
said, what’s it do then, Mags? That’s
what he said.”
electric installed, I said ‘Right Bert, this is how it’s going to be from now
on. This is the future, this is.’ And he
didn’t know the first thing about it! He
said, what’s it do then, Mags? That’s
what he said.”
“Didn’t he know about electricity
then, Mags?”
then, Mags?”
“Oh no, dear. This was 1938, and he was never very
technical, wasn’t Bert. So I showed
him! I plugged a cable into that socket
– we only had the one socket when we first got the electric put in – and I
attached one wire to the tip of his willy, using a hairclip, and shoved the
other up his arse and switched it on! Oooh,
he found out what it did then! You
should have seen him jumping about screaming ‘Switch it off, Mistress, I’ll be
good Mistress!’ Never had a moment’s
trouble from him after that – housework all done, all my meals served in bed
and a lovely bit of oral every Sunday morning before church. Oh – and when we needed a bit of extra money,
to buy a telly for the coronation, it just took one little dose of the electric
and he was off giving hand jobs to demobbed soldiers for two bob a time, just
to get a bit of extra money in.“
technical, wasn’t Bert. So I showed
him! I plugged a cable into that socket
– we only had the one socket when we first got the electric put in – and I
attached one wire to the tip of his willy, using a hairclip, and shoved the
other up his arse and switched it on! Oooh,
he found out what it did then! You
should have seen him jumping about screaming ‘Switch it off, Mistress, I’ll be
good Mistress!’ Never had a moment’s
trouble from him after that – housework all done, all my meals served in bed
and a lovely bit of oral every Sunday morning before church. Oh – and when we needed a bit of extra money,
to buy a telly for the coronation, it just took one little dose of the electric
and he was off giving hand jobs to demobbed soldiers for two bob a time, just
to get a bit of extra money in.“
“Oh, it
used to scare the willies out of him, the electric, old Bert! Even worse than
the birch. He used to say ‘Oh please Mistress, give me two dozen with the
birch instead! Anything but the
electric, Mistress!’ ‘Course, I always
gave him double voltage when he tried to argue like that! And I’d sit on his
face while he was taking it, too!
Lovely, that was. Dear me. Happy days.”
used to scare the willies out of him, the electric, old Bert! Even worse than
the birch. He used to say ‘Oh please Mistress, give me two dozen with the
birch instead! Anything but the
electric, Mistress!’ ‘Course, I always
gave him double voltage when he tried to argue like that! And I’d sit on his
face while he was taking it, too!
Lovely, that was. Dear me. Happy days.”
She paused in contented
contemplation of times past, as her two great-nieces sat in shocked silence.
contemplation of times past, as her two great-nieces sat in shocked silence.
“Anyway, speaking of a bit of
oral, dears, I’ve got a lovely 24 year-old strapped to my bed upstairs –
Polish, or Czechyslovenian or one of those places. Doesn’t speak a word of English, but he goes
like a train and he knows what to do with his tongue when you take a flogger to
him. And I’ve got a brand-new strap-on
that’s going to make him squeal a bit too!
So I’ll leave you young people to natter about your golf and tonsils,
and I’ll take myself off for an early night and a good hard fuck. See you in the morning, dears.”
oral, dears, I’ve got a lovely 24 year-old strapped to my bed upstairs –
Polish, or Czechyslovenian or one of those places. Doesn’t speak a word of English, but he goes
like a train and he knows what to do with his tongue when you take a flogger to
him. And I’ve got a brand-new strap-on
that’s going to make him squeal a bit too!
So I’ll leave you young people to natter about your golf and tonsils,
and I’ll take myself off for an early night and a good hard fuck. See you in the morning, dears.”
And with that, the ninety-seven year old eased herself up from her chair and slowly hobbled over to where the chairlift was waiting to carry her upstairs, leaving her younger relatives to wonder what else they might have been missing all of these years.
THE END
The truth can hurt
…but so can lying.
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| Actually, he was wearing two belts. |
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| Men’s brains aren’t good at remembering dates, but they do have a really good nerve connection to the genitals, so it’s a perfect match. |
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| “Snip-Lit”. It’s going to be the next big thing after 50 Shades of Grey, you’ll see. |
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| She’s not actually a dentist. She did admit that on his fourth visit, to be fair. |
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| I think this is one of those marriages where the arguments always end up with screaming and tears, don’t you? |
Self discipline is over-rated
Always better to get someone else to do it for you, either a professional or an enthusiastic amateur. That way you’ll get a proper job done.
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| Don’t worry about the bruises. Most clients like them. |
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| It’s not your fault. I’m sure she won’t be taking it out on you. |
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| I usually find that a short discussion is enough, but often she wants to go into things at much greater length. |
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| Don’t worry – most men experience depression post-castration. But do you know what? No one gives a shit. So that’s OK. |
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| That reminds me, one of my girlfriends used to have a pet name for me: cockroach. |
Sometimes I just need a firm hand
Someone else’s, I mean. Maybe one of these ladies might oblige?
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| I’m sure Katie won’t mind. She’s very easygoing. |
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| Isn’t that a wonderful expression? Almost takes your mind off the – ooh! -spikes… |
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| Just about everywhere, eventually. But starting off with the pain quite concentrated, in a few sensitive spots, I expect. |
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| I love this one. |
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| Or she might just tell you to swallow. We’ll see. |
Mildly pornographic and feebly humorous captioned images relating to female domination
…well, the subtle post headers don’t seem to attract as much traffic as the more literal ones, so I thought I’d try a different tack. On with the show:
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| Well, at least she hasn’t invited her boyfriend over like the last one. |
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| Genies… just when they think they’ve seen it all, they can still be surprised, huh? |
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| I think an important lesson will be learned here, don’t you? |
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| Don’t worry, she’s recently taken an advanced-level course in pain management. She’s really good at it. |
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| Could you get some milk as well? Thanks, you’re a treasure. |
Unconditionally surrendered
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| The human furniture was easier to dispose of. |
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| She did promise you a night to remember. |
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| You’ll earn those extra dollars. |
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| I went out once a girl once who had a castration fetish. We haven’t seen each other for years, but there’s a part of me that will always be hers.
(Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Hey – how many castratrices does it take to change a lightbulb…) |
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| Good thing you’re not going anywhere today. Plenty of time to talk about it. |
Incidentally, if you like this blog (and I have to tell you: you’re really wasting your time here if you don’t), you’ll almost certainly like this one as well. He doesn’t put the captions in the pictures, but the basic idea of encapsulating a scene in a few pithy (?) sentences is much the same, and he has some really lovely, sexy, funny ones: Improbable fun