Naughty or nice?

Time for a seasonal game here at Contemplating the Divine.  No, not charades… not monopoly.  Nor even ‘pin the tail on the donkey’s testicles’, which can be a lot of fun for almost everyone taking part.

No, this year the game is to guess what Tumblr considers to be porn.  I have a Tumblr, or at least I did at the time of writing this, and it’s even less interesting than this blog because it only ever publishes stuff that has already been displayed here.  Nonetheless, Tumblr has decided that certain of my posts have to be suppressed as being too depraved for human eyes to look upon, and has therefore kindly taken it upon itself to protect the world by hiding them.  So no one will ever be corrupted by them again, thank goodness.  Unless they follow the many links from that blog to this one, obviously.  Or download the entire blog, including ‘hidden’ images using tumblrthree.  But Tumblr knows that’s not at all likely, so – phew, we’re all safe.  

Well… except you lot, who are here.  You’re going to hell, despite Tumblr’s best efforts to save you.

Still, before you go why not look at the images below, all of them published on my Tumblr blog, or queued up to be published, and see if you can guess which are OK with Tumblr and which are porn.  I know – this is something lots of other people have commented on too.  This blog is nothing if not derivative, OK?  But it’s Christmas… so: naughty or nice?

Nice!  Nothing wrong with this one.  Tumblr blocks images of sexual activity.  And this is just a lady dressed in leather who has recently whipped a naked man raw.  Good wholesome stuff.

Naughty!  Very, very naughty indeed!  Look at these shameless hussies… why they’re practically naked, underneath their clothes!  And if you look really, really closely, it might be that the trollop on the right’s nipples can almost be discerned through that near-transparent nightie she’s wearing. I understand one of Tumblr’s censors had to stare at that top for almost ten minutes, just to maake sure of that, but he did it so you don’t have to, thank goodness.  And they’re touching in a way that almost suggests lesbianism and we’re certainly not having anything like that on Tumblr, thank you very much!

Nice.  Oh thank goodness, after having to see that dreadful dreadful image of two ladies wearing not quite enough in close proximity, to encounter this wholesome image. This lady is NOT wearing a see-through nightie and you definitely can’t see her nipples.  No sex here: just a lovely image of a lady in military uniform heating a metal prod with a blow-torch.  She’s probably about to use it for some kind of wax sculpture or other artistic endeavour, I expect. This is the kind of thing that Tumblr wants to spread around the world, instead of ladies’… well, naughty bits .
Yeah, this one’s fine too.  Tumblr doesn’t object to images like this, which are absolutely and totally suitable for a family oriented site. In fact, why not print this one out and discuss with your kids what you think the gentleman in the picture might have done wrong, to be put into such a position?  Or – if they’re a little older and you’re talking to teenagers about possible careers – how much he paid to have someone do this to him. Whatever  – Tumblr says it’s all good.
Oh dear.  I am so sorry you had to see this.  But you can visit my Tumblr site in perfect safety, because it has been hidden from there.

Nothing remotely ‘adult’ here, says Tumblr.  Why that man is dressed like a little girl.  And the lady’s obviously ‘his’ mummy.  So they’re family.  Moving on.

Yeah, Tumblr’s OK with this too.  I mean, they’re not, like, prudes, y’know?  No reasonable person would find this offensive, right?

…something which certainly cannot be said for this torrent of filth!  Oh my – this is almost as bad as the earlier one!  I mean, OK, this time all the clothes are appropriately opaque, thank goodness, but that hand is once again suggestive of… well, I can hardly bring myself to mention such a disgusting concept but… ladies who, erm… like other ladies, if you know what I mean!  And that skirt is showing way too much leg.  You are NOT going out like that, young lady!  Not on Tumblr, anyway, which has thankfully banned this horrific image.

So there we are.  How many did you get right?  What do you mean, you ‘just looked at the captions underneath without bothering to guess in advance’?  That wasn’t the point of the game, not at all.  Perhaps you’d rather spend the afternoon writing 500 lines, hmm?

And you can keep doing that until Christmas, when there might be a special seasonal post.  But be warned: it is just possible that some of the images might show young adult females, in slightly risque outfits.  If you still want to come and see the blog after that warning, well… may Goddess have mercy on your dark, perverted soul. 

0 thoughts on “Naughty or nice?”

  1. Hmm, they seem OK with pretty much all my stuff. Maybe they consider the Beetle books are educational and so should be given a wide audience? (PS – thanks for pitching in on the "Dear Abby" thread. I've given the posts a page of their own. 🙂 )

  2. As far as I can discern, the algorithm seems to rely heavily on the amount of pixels with skin-tones. A woman in a bikini? Superbad. A man clad from head to toe in black latex with his little friend hanging out? Perfectly family friendly.

    I had a similarly themed blog with a focus on enforced male chastity on Tumblr (or still have, I guess:, and I started a new blog on Blogspot after the Tumblrcalypse as, although I wish my captions were as clever as yours. Me and some other fellow captionists are on a Discord server (a text chat program), and I think you’d be a valuable contribution to our discourse. If you want, you can contact me under for an invitation code.

  3. Thank you, Freddie. I don't quite see how your Beetle books could be considered educational as they don't result in any direct pain to the palms or buttocks and I for one have never learnt anything any other way. However, Tumblr's odd, as we seem comprehensively to be demonstrating, so I guess it doesn't have to make sense.

    Very pleased that Abby's getting her own page. I shall certainly be asking her advice again – it's nice to be able to ask the advice of a woman who can't actually hit me.

    Keep doing what you're doing!

    All the best


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