A silly little tale. But could it happen in reality? You decide.
before. ‘I mean, what was wrong with
just using money anyway?’ he asked himself furiously, as the line in front of
him to the check-out slowly shortened.
Or cheques, he thought. I could
really be good with cheques. Just sign
your name – done.
pairs of socks. Dennis, in contrast, was
laden down with clothes of all descriptions. He tried to buy as much as he
could each time.
say. “If you’d like to just place your
penis into the scanner for ID verification.”
see a large pink object being deposited in the half-cylinder on the counter,
with an audible thwack. After a few
seconds, there was a quiet ‘beep’ and the penis was put back inside the man’s trousers and he zipped up. A small green light was winking on the device
on the counter, with two red lights beside it.
Two red lights! Dennis stared with horror. The WR-20s only had one red light. This must be one of the new VC8000
models! He’d only come to this shop
because he was confident it still used WR-20s.
At least those usually worked after the third or fourth try.
gone, and the sales assistant was smiling vacantly at him.
you have a storecard with us at all?”
assistants all had that strange way of speaking.
Why put emphasis on the ‘have’?
And what on earth is ‘at all’ supposed to mean in that context?
impending fate, and soon enough the assistant was saying “That’ll be £458.75
altogether, please. If you’d like to
just place your penis into the scanner for ID verification.”
himself as hard as he could against the edge of the counter. His penis, looking smaller and more
shrivelled even than usual, just managed to cover the first inch or so of the
VC8000’s black length. Nothing happened.
the air beside her. “Sometimes it’s a
bit temperamental.” They waited a bit
trance and notice that something wasn’t right.
She pressed an elegantly manicured finger to a button on the side of the
VC8000. Three red lights flashed angrily
uncertainly. “Maybe we could try another
said, very fast and low. “Please – it’s
OK, you can take a manual ID verification instead. You’ve done it before.”
“Shall we try another scanner?”
“No” he said through gritted teeth.
“My penis is too small to activate the scanner. It won’t work in any of them.”
in a singsong conversational voice: “Gentleman says his penis is too small to
activate the scanner, Mrs Dawes.”
asked brightly, and Dennis made a show of pressing his groin even more firmly
against the edge of the counter. Christ,
his balls hurt. The base of his penis
moved perhaps two millimetres further onto the counter. The skin wrinkled ever so slightly, the tip
moved not at all.
around and staring at the problem. Dennis didn’t dare turn around to see how
many customers were in the queue behind him, but he could hear some shuffling
feet and the occasional ‘tsk!’.
“MISS MARKHAM! GENTLEMAN’S PENIS IS TOO
SMALL TO ACTIVATE THE SCANNER!” Dennis
felt as if he would die.
her a murderous look. “Well?” she asked, raising one eyebrow.
eyes he had ever seen. She was holding a
pen, which she started to tap steadily against her clipboard. Her lips pursed.
that is all I need to see” Miss Markham snapped back. Several of the sales staff tittered.
have to deal with you as a criminal” Miss Markham went on, the merest hint of a
smile on her ruby lips. I’ll have to
take you off to our holding room and investigate the matter thoroughly.” One perfectly lacquered fingernail pushed
firmly against the clip holding the papers to her clipboard, forcing it all the
way down and then letting it snap back with savage force.
right here and now” she went on.
“Adequate for ID verification purposes that is. I hardly think that it
would ever be suitable for anything else.”
wife. You might want to let her know
that our ladies department has a line of very discrete vibrators. They come in lots of different sizes… all a
lot bigger than that.”
|(Yes, I know this scene has nothing to do with the story. But isn’t she wonderful?)|
Dennis’s original assistant ventured, but Miss Markham just held her gaze to
his in silence.
Dennis’s penis was no longer resting on the VC8000. On the contrary, it seemed to have become
self-supporting, waving uncertainly an inch or so above the scanner. It had also become at least an inch longer.
the awful sight and firmly pressing Dennis’s cock down onto the black plastic
surface. He gasped with shock and
boxes. “Oh darling!” she gasped. “Whatever have you been buying?”
Lacey’s – but they sell everything under one roof, so why would that matter?”
are inclined to do). “But, erm… what
about paying for them? You know – your
“Oh you shouldn’t have”. And
quickly she unwrapped the ribbon and paper to reveal a long cardboard box. She gently eased off the lid, to expose a
long, plastic object nestling on crepe paper inside.
length, gently stroking the ribbing, resting the tip on the buttons at the base. “My
sweet, silly darling.”
In this absurd story, the part of Miss Markham was played by the fabulous Mistress Eleise de Lacey. When I started writing the story, she wasn’t involved but she just arrived halfway through, and took over.
However, no resemblance of the characters to any person living or dead is intended. Except the character of Dennis, who is very precisely based upon Servitor in all significant, and several insignificant, respects.