shoes – Contemplating the divine

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men – from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.

Yes, it’s the day* to celebrate mothers. Loving, nurturing and kind to their offspring, brutally savage and eternally contemptuous of their sons-in-law. The latter relationship is more this blog’s focus, for obvious reasons.

Many subs who get off on the idea of punishment, not to mention being humiliated and treated with contempt, don’t realise how much more effectively those can be provided by a woman of more advanced years, who has had longer to hone her opinions and approach towards the male sex.

She has an excellent reason: she dislikes you intensely.

Oh don’t read things into the captions that aren’t there! Of course she didn’t murder him! He died of nervous exhaustion, poor chap.

Obviously you shouldn’t have to pay full session rates, just for cleaning out her Mum’s garage. Ask for a 40% discount, at least – and don’t settle for less than 5%.

It’s good that mothers and daughters phone each other so frequently.

Don’t worry, she’s not going to be a burden. In fact, she can help a lot with the housework: checking all the tasks have been done satisfactorily, drawing up schedules and providing advice and encouragement wherever needed.

* Some of you might be wondering why we’re doing this today, when everyone knows Mothers’ Day is in May? If so, it’s probably because you’re American and have forgotten there are what we call ‘other places’ in the world, and some of those don’t do things in the same way you do. Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake to make, especially if you’re working with the disadvantage of only having a male brain. Try taking a trip somewhere ‘else’ to broaden your horizons – I hear the Gulf of Mexico is nice at this time of year.

That’s what she said

Don’t make her say it twice.

I’m sure Julie won’t mind at all but it’s always polite to ask.

My SO likes to play this game and would you believe it, I’ve lost 23 times in a row. What are the odds?* I would say I’m very unlucky but I’m so lucky to be married to such a wonderful lady, that would be churlish.

* Just over one in ten million. “Do the maths” – as a Governess I used to visit used to say – “then bend over the punishment bench so I can do the marking”.

Many relationships that end in divorce could actually be saved if only the woman were prepared to make her husband do the work.

There’s usually a little crowd of embarassed-looking beta-boys waiting outside that club, so you can pass the time in awkward chats with them. You can bond over lucky you all are to have the opportunity perhaps to be useful to your goddesses, boyfriend jealousy issues, how you deal with chafing from your chastity belts and all that kind of subbie stuff. As long as she’s given permission, obviously.

The divine Mistress Akella, there.

It’s about time an A-list star called out these creepy publications that use images of actresses without permission, to titillate their sad and perverted readership. This blog applauds Ms Scarlett’s courage in speaking out.

Every man has a wild beast within him

But fortunately these days, more and more women are skilled in trapping and subduing these feral creatures and in the training techniques needed for domestication.

You might get a little embarassed asking the waitress – by kneeling before her with your paws up, panting wordlessly – but it’ll be worth it, you’ll see.

The problem with his company is that it wasn’t really listening enough to the equestrienne community. That won’t be a problem from now on, in fact these two ladies are planning to set up an advisory board to guide all future major – and minor – decisions.

George doesn’t do it for the applause, nor for the money – in fact he’s an unpaid volunteer. No: for George it’s best described as a labour of love and he really doesn’t need any public acknowledgement, not least because in his day job he’s a well-known lawyer.

Don’t push your luck, though. When she’s walked you home, wait patiently to see if she invites you in – and if instead she just unclips your leash and says goodnight, don’t try to change her mind.

What, you thought OWK ladies talk about nothing but whips and slavery?

Under her tutelage

I’ll confess I don’t understand husbands who *don’t* do as they’re told. Do they have something better to do?

This could be the beginning of a beautiful obedience.

In my experience those situations are rare, although my SO has frequently expressed her profound regrets that I’m such a useless, annoying, unattractive and tedious piece of shit.

I think the idea that there might be a universe in which I have sex with someone like her calls the many-worlds explanation of quantum phenomena into serious doubt. I mean, Nazis winning WW2 sure, dinosaurs living on in Australia why not… but there have to be limits.

Hmm… not sure I’ve quite grasped the difference. Maybe try the first again?

Fortunately, she’s not run out of effort.

Commanding voices

No sense in rushing these things. My SO always says that I can spend as long as I like – longer even – across the whipping bench, any time I feel like putting one of her orders off until later. It’s nice to have that kind of flexibility.

The name hardly matters, anyway. Usually she’ll just announce what she wants done and you’ll be able to tell when it’s you who’s supposed to do it, just from the tone of her voice.

Her logic is irrefutable (and any attempt to refute it would be a long and painful process anyway).

These are of course the magnificent Goddess Sophia, on (and in) the right there, who has had the discomfort of having to scrape Servitor off the sole of her shoe several times over the years. And Ms Morrigan Hel, on the left, with whom I have not had the pleasure, although she did once walk past a cage I was in.