Category: prison

When she clicks her fingers

I can simultaneously be desperate, lazy and incompetent, can’t I? I thought women were in favour of multitasking.
I think her defeated male opponents are just sore losers.
Teachers love hearing from their former pupils, especially ones who have gone on to develop successful businesses or professional careers.
Try to enter the spirit of the thing by being horribly embarassed and hating every moment. Remember: they’re laughing at you not with you.

Image reminds me of my favourite ever search term, back when this blog was on blogger (you got to see search terms that led ‘readers’ there), which was “tutu humiliation -bishop -desmond”.

He was also going to report them for smoking in a public building, so they use him to dispose of the evidence.
I don’t see what’s crazy about that. I mean it’s a nice car, but…

It’s your own fault, darling.

So stop making excuses.

It must be terrible for Raoul, thinking about and wanting sex all the time and but having sometimes to spend entire days without it. No wonder he lashes out at you, the poor frustrated guy.
The smell can get pretty bad but it never reaches the guards’ quarters, so no one suffers who isn’t supposed to.
Don’t worry, they haven’t been tested on animals; the pharmaceutical company that makes them has a cruelty-free policy.
Many men who embark on a serious chastity relationship end up being quite surprised at how infrequently they really need an orgasm. I haven’t needed one for years now, apparently.
Guys: you shouldn’t be shy about telling your date what you like to do. I’m sure most women would vastly prefer to watch you sweatily wank on their boots than actually letting you touch them.
You might have safety concerns about such a woman being in a male institution – but don’t. Any male prisoners with whom she has to share a cell will be physically restrained before the door is slammed shut leaving her alone with them for the night, so she should be safe enough. Anyway, she seems cheerful enough at the prospect of it, the brave young thing.

On the outside

Just a little tale, slightly too long to fit as a caption.

Yes, of course, I knew we’d met before – never forget a face! And actually, I recognised that look of startled terror when you saw me arrive; I always get that when I run into a former inmate. But I was thrown by your not having anything branded onto your forehead… I suppose they removed it when your appeal was upheld and you were released, right? They did a good job, I can only just now see the faint scars now I know what to look for.

Well well. I do remember you. Prisoner R552… erm… R5526…?

817!  That’s right. You know, we guards were all pleased when you were found not guilty. You never really struck me as the rapist type. Still we all had to whip you and make you do all that hard labour naked and in chains, obviously, I mean: that’s the job. Nothing personal.

Err…a bit indelicate, maybe, but what, er, stage of your ‘re-education’ were you at when you were released?

Pre-op!  Right. Excellent. Sorry, but it did seem worth asking, as we’re on a blind date. Wouldn’t want to get all the way through and then find nothing to… you know. I am straight, after all, not like most of my colleagues. If that’s not too forward.

Elephant in the room… go on – tell me the worst thing I ever did to you? Let’s get it out there.

Did I really? Oh dear. And what shock level did we have to reach before you licked it all off my boots?

OK, that’s not too bad. They go up to 20, you know.  Very sensible of you not to try to hold out. Everyone always does lick it all up eventually. And swallow, obviously. Some think they can spit it out later but we don’t let them get away with that! It’s not a holiday camp, after all. But you know that.

Anyway, I’m sure the food here tastes a lot better. Shall we order?

But… as that was such a disappointingly short one (feels odd to be typing rather than hearing that phrase) there’ll be an extra post tomorrow, on a topical theme.

Makes me shiver

Makes me quiver…

What were you thinking? Did you forget your marriage vows? The real ones, I mean, not that nonsense in the church ceremony.
It’s a very fair system; she manages using data. And you’ll just have to manage without.
Make sure you get a doggie suit, not any other animal, though. The caterpillar suits can be hard going over stony ground and fish play is really not recommended in the Czech winter.
They’ll jingle jingle even more when you dance. And you will dance, sissy.
Once you reach your one thousand and fortieth it’s hard to find any one strapping particularly memorable, but she’s going to give it her very best shot to celebrate the anniversary.
He did manage one last publication after entering Her service: Charabdis, P. and Smackmybottom, S. S. (2017) “Dynamic optical scattering as a measure of surface smoothness at nanoparticle scale: applications to boot-polishing”, Annals.Phys. Ltrs. Vol 23, 4462 – 4473.

Captured moments

There are worse fates than being trodden upon.
I’m sure you wouldn’t. Not really. Not really really really. Right?
I always find it so hard to remember my details in these circumstances: my name, date of birth… all of that, just flees my brain. Fortunately my password’s ‘Shoelicker’ so that’s easy.
Thank goodness one of you came prepared.
Come inside you silly bugger…
If you think about it (and Kitten’s thought about it a lot) a pay piggie is just like an ideal sugar daddy, because Kitten gets more money to buy the things she wants, doesn’t have to have sex with anyone old and ugly and doesn’t even have to pretend to like you.

Days of their lives

The OWK ladies once more reminisce to a fictional (but enviable) interviewer, about the best of the best of days. In fact, they reminisce at great length, at least in comparison to the space available for an ordinary caption…

Perhaps one day I’ll post the transcript of the whole interview here, if I ever get round to making it up.

Whips and whims

Don’t forget your morning prayers too.
If love is there, honouring and obeying should come naturally. And if they don’t, I’m sure she can find an alternative means to encourage them.
He has… but here’s only so much misbehaviour you can get up to, muzzled and on a leash.
Don’t worry: she won’t whip you any more than necessary.
My SO finds it very upsetting when our cat catches a mouse and plays with it so cruelly. As she says, there’s a 50% chance the poor little thing is female.
It’s a future-proofed profession, because although technology obviously could automate the basic function of shit-carrying, it could never provide the same satisfaction forcing a male to do that provides to the onlooker.

Emotional stupidity

In case you’re wondering why I am posting on a Thursday instead of the usual Friday, the answer is ‘rank incompetence – the idiot’s not even able to read a calendar properly, for goodness’ sake!’.

They say great art is 90% perspiration.
She’s a specialist in pain management.
Nice clean shoes – good job! Now, let’s have that chat.
Thank goodness they reminded him – how embarassing it would have been to have had to admit he’d forgotten the anniversay again.
Surprisingly unsurprisingly “People for the Ethical Treatment of Paypigs” just isn’t a thing.
She seems nice. My SO taught me the right way to do laundry by just whipping me without explanation every time it wasn’t right. We got there, but it was a lot of work for her, poor thing.

Feminine guiles

She had to do something to keep herself amused. She’d already done today’s Wordle, after all.
She’s also his personal financial advisor – she’s recently encouraged him to move most of his ready cash into envelopes.
She’s lucky to have Sarah, otherwise she’d be a pushover for any chained-up male with a sob story.
Embarassingly, it was only at the top she realised she’d meant to throw something into the rubbish bin and had to lead you right down and then back up again, the silly forgetful thing.
It’s nice and quiet down there, hardly anyone ever visits. Don’t worry, though: there’s a food chute. Well… down there it’s a food chute. On the surface it’s a rubbish chute. Same difference.
Don’t worry, they always schedule some special ‘couple time’ when your wife has you just to herself.
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