male maid – Page 9 – Contemplating the divine

Customer services

Yeah, this is FDproducts. What the fuck do you want?

What? No, of course
we’re not going to exchange it. If it ripped when you tried to put it on, it’s
your own fault, isn’t it, you fucking moron? You were probably putting it on
wrong.

No, I do not want to hear how you put it on, you little
pervert. My day’s going quite badly enough
without having to listen to a graphic description of some sweaty old balding guy trying to squeeze
himself into a latex French maid outfit.

What? Consumer
rights? What fucking consumer rights?

Look, let’s get something straight, right? You’re a submissive male, correct?
Right. And what am I? That’s right. I’m a woman. And women are…

‘Goddesses’, yeah, OK.
I was thinking of ‘the superior sex’ but that’ll do. So does a sub talk to a goddess like that?

No he fucking does not – quite right. So you can start speaking more respectfully,
you little shit.

Well yes, as a matter of fact I do think you should
apologise. Down on your fucking knees!

And to show how sorry you are, I think we’ll have a
financial penalty. Let’s see – what’s
the most expensive item on our web site… mahogany whipping bench with attachments.
Right – you’re buying three of those.
Then maybe you can spend any money you have left paying someone to strap
you over one of them and beat the crap out of you.

Yes, we do take Amex. But you have to ask very, very politely.

Sympathy for his untimely loss

Did you know there are supposed to be five stages of grieving when you lose something precious? These five, specifically.

There’s something she forgot to say to you

Celebrate the conscious liberation of the female state!

The company has a very strict policy agaimst sexual harassment too. So don’t worry about that. If you’re groped, or propositioned or demeaned in any way, you can complain to your boss, right then and there.

Hmm. Looks like he’s going to be spending a lot of time bent over the the engine, today.

She might have her own list of course.

Nope. No hangups there. None whatsoever. I have five years of blog postings to prove it.

Female liberation. Quite the best sort.

She looked me up and down and really put me in my place

She said: “Nice legs, shame about your face.”

Been revisiting the music of my teenage years. Although to be honest this one provides a rather more accurate picture of my dating experience. And this one is just timeless, as far as I’m concerned.

Actually, as a former investment banker he’d probably be better at handling the financial negotiations himself. But they each have their own role in the business, I suppose.

I hate it when that happens. But then I hate it when it doesn’t, too. You know?

He used to be a client. A lot of the stuff that’s lying around did. Some of the leather coverings too, if we’re brutally honest about things.

Especially with her reading circle coming round to discuss it that very evening.

That’s good. Because when Madame Svetlana is displeased, very regrettable things happen.

Priorities

He paused. There was
something about the way the crease folded that reminded him…now what was it?

… and then it all came flooding back. His doctoral thesis on optimal protein
folding. How after three years of study
he had had to admit defeat in trying to find a universal enzyme that could take
instruction from injected RNA. Yet this
was it! Yes! If the outer sulphite chain just
folded back – right back, doing a quarter turn around and then running parallel in almost a
mirror image to the main sequence then… well, the possibilities were endless.
Any RNA chain could be processed straight through into an optimally folded protein sequence. Tailored enzymes could repair nucleotides damaged by… well, anything. Even old age could be curable with the right combination of instructions. And of course, it was the breakthrough cancer researchers had been seeking since the 1980s!

Excitedly, he began to imagine how he could put these
insights out there – a post on the Genzyme blog, for instance, to establish
priority as the originator of the idea, then a short paper in Enzyme Research. Of course, he’d need some lab time to demonstrate the technique, but he was sure the biotech labs would be queuing up to –

Then he paused. This
wasn’t getting the ironing done, and She’d said that it all had to be done
before Kurt arrived, so there would be time to do all of his laundry too. And his socks and underpants had to be carefully hand-washed.

Plus, he admittedly mournfully to himself, the last time he
had tried mentioning anything about his doctoral studies, he’d been soundly
paddled for being ‘too clever for his own good’. She didn’t approve of his having ideas above his station. And his station was so low, he’d yet to encounter an idea that was not.

Perhaps it was better just to forget about it. Anyway, it had been almost eight years since
he’d ben allowed to look at a book, or watch TV or access the Internet. Probably cancer had been cured by now. It wasn’t the sort of thing She’d have mentioned to him, after all. They didn’t have conversations about that sort of thing.

It was all a matter of priorities, he told himself. And with his bottom still extremely sore from
the consequences of that spilt milk yesterday, he knew where his priorities
lay.

Switching the iron to ‘steam’ he firmly smoothed away the
complex twisting shape that had appeared by chance before him, leaving just a
neat, straight crease. Not too sharp.

Just the way She liked it.

Agony aunts

She’s got so much to give.

So much easier than a long drawn-out evening of silence. Although, oddly, no quicker.

Boys can be so messy. Especially during edge-play.

Poor Selina. I hope she’s feeling better.

Oh well… at least you don’t have to get down on your knees and apologise to him properly.

Taking pains

She does and so, therefore, do I.

But not here. I just slap any old rubbish on a photo and stick it on the blog.

Damn. Why is it always about penis size? Honestly, sometimes it just seems like women are obsessed with it.

Urrgglll – nnnnh!

I’m glad I’m into humiliation. Otherwise, I’d probably find a lot of my encounters with women quite unpleasant.

Well, that went well.

Goodness, sounds like she’s going to get quite cross. That could help, actually.

Back under the saddle

Ah well, summer holidays over and it’s back to the daily grind. Which to be honest can leave you quite sore, especially when you then have to get up and go to work. But who am I to argue?

I hope you enjoyed the archival clear-out over August. But not that you enjoyed it so much you did anything you shouldn’t.

Back to normal. More of the same, but written more recently.

Down you go. You’ve got at least 10 hours before sunset.

Submissive man not actually very good at housework, in reality! Who’d have thought?

It’s just her thing. Go with it.

She got you, babe.

Yes. Anyway, it really doesn’t matter how big it is, if you’re not allowed to do anything with it.

Don’t question why she needs to be so free

…she’ll tell you it’s the only way to be.

Dinner parties can be such hell, can’t they?

Seems fair.

This is the lovely Mina Thorne, in a very fine video for Men Are Slaves (well of course they are)

Hmm. Maybe there’s some hidden food and when I find it I’ll also find a way to kill the cockroaches? No, that’s not it…

You’ll feel a lot better once you know you have no secrets from her. Well – when the welts have died down, anyway.

If you look very carefully, you can just see one of his toes poking out, I reckon. He’ll get in trouble for that if she finds out,though, so keep it to yourself, OK?

Back on track

Well, the consensus seems to be that Google has backed down, so here we go again.

Have a double-length post to make up for it. Oh – and for the next three weeks or so there will be an additional caption each day on the Tumblr site, that will not appear here (because my filing system is too disorganised to find the right ones, if I delete the Tumblr queue).

****ing Google.

Don’t worry. You don’t have to do anything she doesn’t want you to do. In fact, you mustn’t.

Who says men are useless, eh?

I expect you’ll manage well enough without.

It’s bound to be a bit painful at first. But you’ll get used to it.

I’ve always had this ability to make women laugh. I think I was born with it.

When he left school, he wanted to work in IT. And he does – he usually stops by that department just before lunch

I think we’ve all been there. Just the other day a market research company rang up and asked if I was interested in taking part in a survey about web use. So I said sure, but after about five or six questions about my browsing habits, they just rang off without any warning! Bizarre, huh? I mean why did they ask if they don’t want to know the answers?

Something to look forward to.

That’s good of her.

Another thing to tick off her bucket list.