Category: latex

Baby watch her eyes, you better watch her eyes

Anything you feel swelling up underneath you when you’re being spanked over Dave’s lap should be kept strictly as a secret between you and him, OK? It’s a guy thing: no need for her to know.
Fashion photographers can be so annoying. Just ask the ladies in this sweet little scene..
I mean, she’d never actually do it, right? You know that, right? ‘Course you do. So stop dithering and let her strap you down.
And your orgasms are even specialer, being so rare.
First goddess in my life, maybe…. I mean, I liked The Damned too, and The Undertones but… Ah, to be looked at, the way she looks at Kermit.

And here’s Captain Sensible performing ‘Wot’ on French TV, because pourquoi pas?

Men think of castration in such all-or-nothing terms, that’s the problem.

Forceful femininity

That’s disappointing. You’d think he’d at least be good at apologising, after all this time.
Sometiomes they shoot to incapacitate rather than kill, in which case the offenders are later inhumanely put down.
She does so like to make sure.
They say the waiting’s the worst part – but ‘they’ are wrong.
The version for hardcore submissives doesn’t even have any women in it: just the chair and the wall.
Everyone, I expect, same as usual.

Her weapons were her crystal eyes

Making every man mad.*

She’s right (obviously): pleading and crying in the hope of mercy is a complete waste of time.
There are some sick people out there… even reading this blog. It’s a creepy thought.
Even Mr Snuggly Bear was new once and remembers how hard that can be. But now he’s one of her favourites, so there’s always hope.
Don’t worry: it all turned out OK. The clinic were very understanding about it and managed to squeeze an extra op into their schedule.
Don’t worry, you’ll still be useful whatever position you end up in. A box is a box and she’s got a lovely tablecloth to go on top.
Just let her take the lead. And keep it.

* Fun fact! A later replacement member of Bananarama was openly into kink. Mistress Sidonia (Servitor kneels, forehead to the floor) has the story. The three goddesses in the video I linked above weren’t, so they probably just did their queening, pegging and mocking behind closed doors.

PS – Just to note again, if anyone missed my note on Tuesday’s post: that all updates to this site for 6 – 13 May, including all comments, alas, were lost following a computer glitch. You might think – I certainly thought – that this must have been my fault, because of technical incompetence and I should be punished. You’re not entirely wrong (even if you are male) as I am technically incompetent and should be punished, but this one was due to my hosting service, as I’ve just discovered now they’ve sent an apologetic email about the (system-wide) crash. I hope the males responsible are dealt with appropriately. Nonetheless, I apologise to people whose comments were lost.

Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal

As you know, this blog features immature material on mature themes so I suppose I do both these things.

NB: anyone playing the game of ‘guess the original song/poetry* won’t succeed with this one, as it’s just a handy safety mnemonic. Y’know like: “Stub it out on arse or thighs, he’ll lose his sight if in his eyes.”

* But did you get all the rest?

Dream girls

The sort where you wake up in a cold sweat with your heart thumping.

Well, if it’s pitiful enough it should, shouldn’t it? That’s what ‘pitiful’ means. Perhaps you could mansplain that to her – it can only help.
I don’t think they’d be in much doubt anyway, but best to make sure.
They pride themselves on delivering the product unharmed. It’s not just for ethical reasons: several of their clients specifically say they want to receive it entirely free of bruises, cuts or burn marks and with all bodily parts still attached. And they are very client-focused.
I tried a sperm donation centre once but they didn’t even have a key – so what was I supposed to do? Fortunately, the nurses there saw the funny side.
You don’t want to eat the stripy yellow and red ones, by the way. OK, obviously you probably don’t actually want to eat any of them at all, but that’s not my point.
I’d much rather give her a coffee than my opinion.

Just do as she says

hmm? So much easier.

Actually, guys with small penises have proportionately more everything. My little finger, for instance, is huge in comparison – a woman remarked upon it, once.
They’re reworking the pay structure too, to make it more discriminatory.
Zoe’s good at games, usually winning on the first move when she plays slaves at chess. She also enjoys playing ‘guess the voltage’.
I expect he’ll come up with some lavish belated gift or other… she can even make some suggestions while she has his full attention like this.
Of course it’s best to wear thick gloves when handling that X stuff as it can irritate the skin. But they’re professionals, they know how to handle things that can be irritating.
She likes to give her clients a ‘happy beginning’ occasionally.

Bitter sweet hearts

If they haven’t, perhaps she could suggest some.
He’s not. And she’s even arranged for a lovely, bracing shower before he gets home… well, about fifteen minutes before he gets home, actually, to allow time for him to dry off by running around a bit.
All trainers know that rule number one is to make sure you remember the names of each and every one of your group. But rule two says “Except Robert or Rupert or whatever the fuck that idiot’s called”, so that”s OK.
Top tip: if you’re offended at being treated like this and want to emphasise – politely but firmly – that you expect to be treated with the dignity due an adult, I suggest balling up your fists, stamping your feet and screaming hysterically about how unfair it is. I’m sure she’ll react appropriately and start treating you the way you deserve.
Think of it as an investment. In thirty years’ time, lying in a hospital bed on a drip, you’ll be able to think fondly back on this.
Ah, like the days of Covid when we were getting used to all this. We’ve all got our embarassing Zoom stories, I expect – mine involves a funnel gag, a plastic sissy dress and one of the bulls my SO had decided to let into our Covid bubble, but I’ll spare you the details. Bull in a bubble, you ask? Yes, she had to limit herself to just three, which she found very frustrating, poor thing, but I’m proud to say that I was able to help her work through her anger.

Scarlet ladies

Come on – don’t hold back. If you’ve thought of… oh five or six bad things you might have done, just tell her all of them. What’s the harm? Couples should share things, so they learn to understand each other better.
No loss, really. You’d look silly on a golf course in your little dress, cap and apron, anyway.
Just for the avoidance of doubt: you should also do that if you don’t want to eat straw, now she’s said it.
Aren’t you special!
Don’t worry, it’s not like she can control your thoughts. Just make sure you never express or act upon them, without permission.
Treasure did a convincing job of looking terrified. See if you can do the same when you wake up and they come back and start playing with you. They’ll appreciate that.

Success is not an option

All of it, I expect, same as usual.
All poets need a muse – and if you can find one who’ll twist your testicles until the rhymes come, so much the better.
I was only asking for directions to the nearest metro station. Oh well, go with it.
It’s actually one of the few sports where women and men play together at the highest level, although men’s careers are generally much shorter.
Ah, the good old days. I don’t like having a king. ‘His majesty’s ship’ – it just sounds ridiculous, and sends entirely the wrong signals, as we all prepare for the inevitable World War M.
How very thoughtful of her.