Category: latex

Dream girls

The sort where you wake up in a cold sweat with your heart thumping.

Well, if it’s pitiful enough it should, shouldn’t it? That’s what ‘pitiful’ means. Perhaps you could mansplain that to her – it can only help.
I don’t think they’d be in much doubt anyway, but best to make sure.
They pride themselves on delivering the product unharmed. It’s not just for ethical reasons: several of their clients specifically say they want to receive it entirely free of bruises, cuts or burn marks and with all bodily parts still attached. And they are very client-focused.
I tried a sperm donation centre once but they didn’t even have a key – so what was I supposed to do? Fortunately, the nurses there saw the funny side.
You don’t want to eat the stripy yellow and red ones, by the way. OK, obviously you probably don’t actually want to eat any of them at all, but that’s not my point.
I’d much rather give her a coffee than my opinion.

Just do as she says

hmm? So much easier.

Actually, guys with small penises have proportionately more everything. My little finger, for instance, is huge in comparison – a woman remarked upon it, once.
They’re reworking the pay structure too, to make it more discriminatory.
Zoe’s good at games, usually winning on the first move when she plays slaves at chess. She also enjoys playing ‘guess the voltage’.
I expect he’ll come up with some lavish belated gift or other… she can even make some suggestions while she has his full attention like this.
Of course it’s best to wear thick gloves when handling that X stuff as it can irritate the skin. But they’re professionals, they know how to handle things that can be irritating.
She likes to give her clients a ‘happy beginning’ occasionally.

Bitter sweet hearts

If they haven’t, perhaps she could suggest some.
He’s not. And she’s even arranged for a lovely, bracing shower before he gets home… well, about fifteen minutes before he gets home, actually, to allow time for him to dry off by running around a bit.
All trainers know that rule number one is to make sure you remember the names of each and every one of your group. But rule two says “Except Robert or Rupert or whatever the fuck that idiot’s called”, so that”s OK.
Top tip: if you’re offended at being treated like this and want to emphasise – politely but firmly – that you expect to be treated with the dignity due an adult, I suggest balling up your fists, stamping your feet and screaming hysterically about how unfair it is. I’m sure she’ll react appropriately and start treating you the way you deserve.
Think of it as an investment. In thirty years’ time, lying in a hospital bed on a drip, you’ll be able to think fondly back on this.
Ah, like the days of Covid when we were getting used to all this. We’ve all got our embarassing Zoom stories, I expect – mine involves a funnel gag, a plastic sissy dress and one of the bulls my SO had decided to let into our Covid bubble, but I’ll spare you the details. Bull in a bubble, you ask? Yes, she had to limit herself to just three, which she found very frustrating, poor thing, but I’m proud to say that I was able to help her work through her anger.

Scarlet ladies

Come on – don’t hold back. If you’ve thought of… oh five or six bad things you might have done, just tell her all of them. What’s the harm? Couples should share things, so they learn to understand each other better.
No loss, really. You’d look silly on a golf course in your little dress, cap and apron, anyway.
Just for the avoidance of doubt: you should also do that if you don’t want to eat straw, now she’s said it.
Aren’t you special!
Don’t worry, it’s not like she can control your thoughts. Just make sure you never express or act upon them, without permission.
Treasure did a convincing job of looking terrified. See if you can do the same when you wake up and they come back and start playing with you. They’ll appreciate that.

Success is not an option

All of it, I expect, same as usual.
All poets need a muse – and if you can find one who’ll twist your testicles until the rhymes come, so much the better.
I was only asking for directions to the nearest metro station. Oh well, go with it.
It’s actually one of the few sports where women and men play together at the highest level, although men’s careers are generally much shorter.
Ah, the good old days. I don’t like having a king. ‘His majesty’s ship’ – it just sounds ridiculous, and sends entirely the wrong signals, as we all prepare for the inevitable World War M.
How very thoughtful of her.

Approval required

But rarely granted.

Yeah, everything’s fine. All under control.
You might think this is even worse than that couple caught on the audience cam but don’t worry: it’s all consensual. The three ladies were asked and they said they didn’t mind at all their subs being exposed and humiliated in a clip gathering hundreds of millions of views.
She has quite a lot of interaction with her readership (as do I when the sodding spam filter permits it). She encourages readers to send in their dick pics, for example, often with the dicks in question artfully arranged in vases, or hung as Christmas decorations. She prefers not to receive any of the actual dicks, of course, as the postal service gets funny about that sort of thing, but a few over-enthusiastic readers do like to send her their best cuttings.
I worship her divine shadow.

Mistress Iris, of course. But you knew that. Pervert.

They also serve, who only scurry and cringe.
In today’s cut-throat business world, any opportunity for effective networking should be taken up. The other businessman featured here was due to go to Davos but his PA messed up and booked him in OWK instead. Poor thing, she must have felt awful about her mistake.

A woman scorning

with hellish fury…

NB: I believe there are still some problems with the antivirus thing preventing people posting comments. Obviously the fault of a male somewhere and I hope he gets his comeuppance. If you request access, I will approve and then your IP address goes on an approved list and you should be OK.

Always a good idea to have a best man who’s a better man than you. And his jokes will be something to chuckle over, when you’re sweeping up the mess after he and your lovely bride have departed for the honeymoon.
Fortunately, it’s not a recurrent condition… unless you annoy them again, obviously.
What Mistress doesn’t know about can’t hurt, surely? Or can it?
You might say she has an electrifying effect on the men she meets. That would be a terrible mistake and you would bitterly regret saying it, but you can if you really want to.
I find making choices difficult. Fortunately, I am rarely presented with any, these days.
Kitten likes to focus on the important things in her life. You’re no longer among them.

The voice of authority

Thank goodness we have women to handle these tough decisions for us.
Don’t worry: you can tell her as many things you really hate as you like. In fact, she’d quite like to know what your number four and number five are, so don’t hold back.
Police have a difficult enough job dealing with rapists, it’s best not to tie their hands with namby-pamby restrictions on what they can or cannot do to them.

Back under the bed. They’ll try to keep the noise down.
She’s not planning to brighten your smile, but then you won’t be smiling much when she’s finished with you, so that’s OK.