financial management – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

Spoken for

She’s already apologised to her sister on your behalf, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be going round to her place to apologise directly, too – and offer to make amends, of course.

Must be terrifying being tiny. Good thing there are big strong girls like her around to look after you.

Understandable that he wants to make sure, given that the two of them will be working so closely together every day, but sometimes a candidate arrives at an interview and just makes such a strong impression from the start that you know she’s going to get the job.

That’s the divine Heather, being contemplated in the scene above.

Many people don’t realise that in English, like very gendered languages such as Japanese, there are words that women can use that men cannot. But there are.

Sometimes an unexpected, spur-of-the-moment session can be best. One time, for instance, I was walking home late at night and clumsily bumped into one of a group of girls. Given no time to apologise properly, I was beaten up, kicked repeatedly in the balls and face, robbed, spat on and left penniless lying in a side-alley. When you think of all the emails and careful arrangements you’d need to do that with a pro-domme….

Don’t worry, she’s not going to hurt you

…without good reason.

Boundaries are important in a D/S relationship. For example, my SO sets rigid boundaries for what I am allowed to do, think or say and in return, she has agreed never to do anything to me that she doesn’t want to.

Sadly, it’s not anything healthy and natural, from Goddess Nature’s good brown mud. It’s something that some thoughtless boorish littering male discarded, without a thought as to the harm it might do to any poor dumb creature that eats it.

He’ll be brokenhearted if she rejects him, as alas the great majority are rejected. Of course, the successful ones have their hearts broken too, albeit more slowly and painfuly.

I expect she’ll get to the bottom of it.

Let us all pray for more of those three, in this terrible world.

That’s the right sort of apology to make when something offensive and sexist – or just plain thoughtless – has been said: quick, heartfelt and complete. Males who aren’t lucky enough to live in female-led relationships just don’t have the practice to be good at apologising – really, really good, I mean.

Getting your unjust deserts

Or desserts, even, if you’re into messy food play (or toilet play, for that matter).

I’ve never disappointed a woman in bed. Sexually, I mean. I spend my life disappointing women in other ways, in other places, obviously.

Why would anyone look closely? Horrible male bottoms… we don’t pay dommes enough for thrashing away at them.

I’d hate to try hypnotherapy, as I have this deep-seated feeling of terror at the thought of losing control. I suppose that might sound odd – in the lifestyle I live with my SO, have I not already lost control, you might ask? Yes, I have, and I spend my life feeling terror – thank you for asking.

The two options are (1) handing them cash and fucking off or (2) handing them cash and not fucking off just yet, in case they need more cash, basically. Of course, they’re not *your* options.

Let’s hope she switches the light off, or you’re in for a sleepless night, I’m afraid. I don’t suppose you could reach the…? No, no I suppose not.

*** **WORDPRESS READER WARNING** ***
Our fact-checkers have red-flagged this claim as ‘Unsupported by evidence. Probable misinformation’. And they reckon the rest of the blog’s a load of old wank, too.

(The real thing: Mistress Eleise de Lacey)

No special Valentine’s Day theme today, you might ask? Well, you see, when you’re in a long-term relationship as I am, you don’t need a special day to show your love. Valentine’s Day is just another day as I see it, or rather, every day is Valentine’s Day.

That’s my take on it.

Unfortunately, my SO took a different view and expected a present. So we discussed it in our usual way and once we reached the part of the discussion where she takes the gag out of my mouth and reduces the tempo of whipping so that I can gasp out coherent words, I explained how for me, every day was Valentine’s Day. So now she expects a present every day. She says she’ll be giving me something every day too, to remember this conversation by. So that’s nice.

They do say love has no boundaries or limits and I’ve certainly discovered that to be the case, today and every day.

Fateful decisions

Fateful for you, that is. The decisions are hers alone.

I think there’s room for some negotiation here, where by ‘negotiation’ I mean abject and unconditional begging for her forgiveness and scurrying off to do exactly what she said.

It’s one of his domme’s favourite activities. The local pet supply shop does so well out of her, the owners sent her a Christmas card.

Ooh – sounds like she might be about to give you a second chance! Guess that cheesy chat-up line worked after all, huh?

Next, I expect she’ll ask about what happens when you plug it into the electrical mains and turn the dial. They always do… those that don’t just try it for themselves without asking.

I’ve never understood guys who get sexual pleasure from tying up or gagging women. If she can’t speak, how can she order you about? Anyway, such men are nasty perves who enjoy hurting people, and there should be zero tolerance of that, so I’m sure they deserve whatever these two public-spirited ladies and their friends have planned.

Pretty woman, don’t make me cry

Oh, go on then, do.

They can be a bit dry but sometimes there are little snails or beetles to provide some gooeyness.

Quite right too. She usually is. In fact, she always is – that’s on her FAQs too.

Phones will only distract you if you let them – it’s easier than you might think to concentrate instead on the important things in life.

Don’t worry: the judge is strictly impartial in the manner she treats all males who appear in front of her. The accused, lawyers, tea boys… makes no difference to her.

Don’t forget to round up if your answer is not an integer. Oh: and to add ‘Ma’am’. That might seem pedantic, but your answer will be marked as wrong – and so will you – if you don’t.

‘As soon as possible’ doesn’t always mean straight away, of course. Sometimes Mistress wants you to spend an hour or two in the corner, holding the paddle, beforehand. It’s still ‘as soon as possible’, it’s just that your possibilities are a bit limited.

Celebrating indifference

Try not to cry into the food as you’re preparing it; she’s trying to keep her salt intake down.

As you can tell, she’s in a kind mood. Normally she’d make them fight, instead of the kangaroo-jumping thing.

Nothing like it to wake you up in the morning.

Some might say that all sexism offences are serious, but there needs to be some clemency and forgiveness in the system, so for the first ‘blonde joke’ offence, for example, the law mandates only a six-month term in a re-education camp with hard labour. The survival rate is pretty high, although obviously lower in facilities with more blonde guards.

Of course, the big number that brings everyone clapping to their feet is *Time to cut you, my dear!* towards the end of the second act.

It’s beginning to look a lot like femdom

Goddess bless us, one and all!

Get that excited happy face ready! Nothing worse than handing someone a present you think they’ll be excited about and they’re just ‘meh’. Well, there actually *are* worse things at Christmas than that, believe me, especially after my mother-in-law’s had a bit too much to drink, but that kind of let down is pretty bad, is what I’m saying. And I’m sure you don’t want to disappoint the lovely lady.

To be honest, some of the party games the guys let me join in aren’t all that fun for me. ‘Pin the tail on the donkey’, for instance – I’m sure it’s not really supposed to be played like that.

Christmas is a time for giving – she understands that. And if she’s got some piggies left over who aren’t completely drained yet, why not share the joy?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Just wait until everyone sees your fairy dance routine!

I hope any female readers will spare a thought for all those subs spending Christmas alone… chained up in the cellar, locked away in a punishment cupboard or just put into a burlap sack and tossed in the corner, forgotten and ignored. Hundreds of them, thousands maybe… uncomfortable and miserable. Isn’t that a lovely thought? What a shame it’s only once a year.

Some parents like to pretend the castration fairy isn’t real, but we know she is, don’t we readers?

When she clicks her fingers

I can simultaneously be desperate, lazy and incompetent, can’t I? I thought women were in favour of multitasking.

I think her defeated male opponents are just sore losers.

Teachers love hearing from their former pupils, especially ones who have gone on to develop successful businesses or professional careers.

Try to enter the spirit of the thing by being horribly embarassed and hating every moment. Remember: they’re laughing at you not with you.

Image reminds me of my favourite ever search term, back when this blog was on blogger (you got to see search terms that led ‘readers’ there), which was “tutu humiliation -bishop -desmond”.