feeding – Contemplating the divine

She must be right

We want to hear happy positive words: specifically your online banking details.

Can you believe the ungratitude – and look at all the effort she’s making, you can see that just from his back.

After all this time not able to get an erection, it’ll be nice to be doing that again. Up – zap! – and down. And up again and – zap! Aaanndd….

There are twenty-four verses but I’ve spared you that.

This is the firm and very fair Tamara Kenworthy. Look at the determination on that face – I can only hope her husband learns to appreciate his luck.

If you’re worried about any darts missing the board and piercing you in the neck or face, don’t be. It’s going to be on a long cord, so it’ll be hanging lower down your body than that, just about over your stomach.

Or you could maintain your dignity and accept a spanking and early bedtime without supper, if you don’t want to demean yourself.

Note to non-British readers. ‘Slaphead’ is a word for a bald person that is normally considered derogatory and insulting. However, since almost all bald people are male, there is no reason not to use it freely.

Actually, one of my wife’s regular bulls is vegan. Says it helps him with strength and stamina and he certainly seems to have a lot of both.

It’s a once in a lifetime experience, I’ve heard.

I think if Rachel were my teacher I’d get all the sums wrong, all the time. Goodness, she’d be cross.

Note to non-British readers: Goddess.

Someone to look up to

What she doesn’t realise is that I always do my best… it’s just usually rubbish, that’s all. Fortunately, I’ve had a lot of practice at scurrying.

She can resist anything except temptation.

At the OWK there’s always a bucket available, in case one of the slaves feels sick. Usually it’s just the bucket the food comes in, actually.

Of course, I don’t necessarily *know* that this is actually what happened behind closed doors, and I’m just imagining a scene that happens to fit what I would like it to have been. So… just like the actual series, *The Crow*n, then.

His name won’t go down in the record books along with hers, but his scream will be what a lot of viewers remember, when watching the footage of that historic day. Plus, he got to attend the medal ceremony, curled up and sobbing on the grass by the podium. It did delay his trip to hospital but how many times in your life are you going to be the target of a world-record ball-busting kick?

I guess he was asking for it. But not paying… so unfair.

Managing partners

It was kind of her to warn you. Sadly, she’s out of kindness now.

Many people get quite nervous, going on live TV for the first time. But ‘Goddess’ here doesn’t get nervous and while ‘submissive worm’ certainly does, he long ago learned to focus his fear on what – or who – really matters.

Don’t worry, it won’t all be vegetables. She has tins of various meat products too, some with marrowbone jelly.

Of course, the sissy who is complaining here could always use his own safeword. Mistress is very committed to consensual BDSM and allows her sissies to safeword any activity they don’t like. But we’re only a couple of months into the year and he’s learnt it’s best to save it for something really brutal, rather than face ten months with no recourse except pathetic pleading.

Try asking about her hobbies over dinner… it’s boring just hearing about someone’s work, anyway.

The things you do that tease and hurt me bad

It’s the way you do the things you do to me.

Sounds like she’s making a lot of effort to make this relationship work – I hope you’re duly grateful.

Don’t worry about presuming on their hospitality. They have an obligation to take in any male travellers who wander their way. Only to take them in, you understand, not to let them out again.

Trouble is, you were planning to cook something special for your anniversary, weren’t you? Oh well, probably better another day anyway. The kind of guys she brings home don’t generally have sophisticated culinary tastes.

I tried going on a humiliatrix dinner-date with a pro-domme once but she decided it wasn’t working between us and left just after we’d ordered the food. So, really no different from an ordinary date… I felt a bit of a fool for paying her so much, to be honest.

Your explanation should include the words ‘laziness’ and ‘incompetence’.

Don’t worry, she won’t visit very often.

PS, fans of old British femdom mags and of quirky mainstream takes on our little hobby might be interested in Alf Garnett discusses Cruella, over on Mr Rogue-Hagen’s magnificent Cruella site. Alf Garnett was the British inspiration for Archie Bunker, for American ‘readers’: an old man satirising right-wing views in absurd ill-informed bigoted rants. Nowadays of course, our political leaders do that themselves, so there is no need for such stuff.

Queen for ever, ceasing never

Following yonder star.

…and best to put the bowl outside in the garden when it’s getting towards the end of the week, as you wouldn’t want that smell in the house.

Sometimes an enthusiastic amateur can be better than a pro.

When the ceremony’s over, and they’re leaving the church, it’s traditional to have him thrown from the steeple – and any bridesmaids who want to catch him can keep him.

Many people are opposed to the idea of arbitary power being exercised by unelected young ladies, but I really find it hard to understand why.

Embarassing observations

The untruths hurt, sometimes.

Wise submissive husbands will keep a notebook, recording name, orgasm frequency, cock size and any remarks their wives made the next morning. Cuckoldry doesn’t have to be something merely done to you, you see – you can help her with it.

She can wait – as can he, actually, although he might feel right now as if he can’t.

If you get really good at the ‘guess the voltage’ game, a career as a circuit tester awaits.

If it goes into the mouth and down the throat, then it’s edible, right? And she always makes sure that it does.

You’ve already taken the most important vows, anyway.

Captive audience

Or one that would like to be so.

It just goes to show what I always say: that few marital problems can be resolved satisfactorily by cowering away in terror in a cupboard hoping she doesn’t find you.

Don’t worry: nobody’s expecting you to do anything much. They’ll do all the work, just leave it to them.

Probably just a breath mint. My SO receives monthly deliveries of a particularly effective brand of breath mints, with some long and complicated scientific name, from Myanmar. I’ve been taking one a day since soon after we got married and it’s never done me any harm, unlike many other things in our marriage.

Of course, there’s no need to discuss her expectations about you. Those are minimal, at best.

This is the fabulously beautiful and no doubt all-round fabulously fabulous Lady Perse, well worth visiting if you are in Warsaw or even if you are not. Needless to say (but I am conscious most of my readers are male, so even the blindingly obvious may need pointing out), the caption I have put on her divine image in no way represents her actual session practices, which I am sure are safe, sane, consensual and fabulous.

‘Something’? What kind of something? Why are the ladies in these captions so maddeningly unclear?

Rigorous relationships

“Because I say so” is actually the best reason of all, I’ve found.

I’ve heard that ‘smelly feet’ is actually one of the flavours in those Harry Potter jelly beans, but you have to eat a lot of raspberry and cherry and other such pointless flavours while looking for one.

She hasn’t even got that right: that helmet’s definitely from the Franco-Prussian War of 1870. Do you think I should tell her?

Don’t worry: there’ll be lots of chances to apologise during and – taking an optimistic view of how it goes – after, too.

Surely you wouldn’t sacrifice your deeply held commitment to the principles of men’s lib, just to get into a relationship with a pretty woman? Because that would be shallow and demeaning. Wouldn’t it?

Venging angels

Like many guys, I walk around fully conscious of the big swinging padlock between my legs.

It’s actually a very environmentally-friendly way of disposing of old shoes.

Oh, all right then. Let’s be daring, for a change.

It must be weird being vanilla – you do a sexy maid scene and hardly any floor actually gets scrubbed. I’m not sure I could cope with that kind of unrealistic fantasy.

OWK’s safety record overall was only middling, but that average conceals an important disparity between male and female injuries, the latter being thankfully rare, the former equally thankfully daily.

Category: feeding