cruella – Contemplating the divine

And don’t forget to thank her

Kindness costs nothing, unlike cruelty which in my experience costs several hundred pounds an hour.

I think she’s not convinced but there’s still time. He’s getting to that point that negotiation experts call ‘closing’ and subs call ‘desperate pleading’.

I think for the next few hours at least, *you’re* Treasure’s favourite toy.

More life skills: maintaining eye contact is a good way of projecting confidence, trust and stupidity.

Even without the label you’d always know a Cruella shot from the glamorous locations, right?

Wow – bet he’s glad he’s not *that* guy!

More negotiation tips here, but… well, I’ve just never understood how anyone could do anything other than giving Annie whatever she wants, immediately.

She walks in beauty, like the night

She’s right, of course (as women do tend to be in my experience). You can only feel frustrated while you retain hope.

Many rich man marrying younger second wives worry that they’ll be reckless with money, but in this case it does look as if he’s married someone capable and willing to exercise strict financial control.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with a sissy having opinions, as long as they are sensible opinions derived from someone else – someone without intellect-destroying Y-chromosomes.

The problem is, she’s a perfectionist, but really, why *should* she have to give up on the ideal of perfection? Looks to me like she’s determined to keep trying, despite these setbacks, which I find admirable.

Typical selfish male behaviour on maggot’s part, there, not even managing to remain alive despite the two ladies having a clear use for him at least for the next hour or so. But as things turned out, the resulting photo-shoot went really well – in fact they resolved to use dead slaves more often, as they’re less annoying.

A classic from Cruella. And you can now download the originals, the stories in which are no less deliciously dismissive and brutal than my caption. Wonderful stuff.

Miss Chambers of Cruella, of course – and although it’s not in the foreground, it is in profile so once again, I will obsessively draw your attention to that lovely nose. Cleopatra has nothing on Miss Chambers. Now go and buy Andy’s stuff before he changes his mind about selling it online!

Just for once, the queue for the ladies’ isn’t that bad but she’s always wanted to try this.

That’s the thing about a visit to OWK – it helps you confront your irrational fears and replace them with rational ones.

‘All men are equal’ – sure. I can get behind that. But that’s about as far as it goes.

Under her care and control

Because she’s very caring and very controlling.

‘Rules’ mind you, not ‘contract’. Your agreement was not required then, nor is it now.

Quite a lot at those ladies’ hourly rates, I hope.

I’ll mention again, in gratitude and encouragement, that Cruella’s back catalogue of magazines and photos is finally being made available for download. You can even pay by PayPal. Go on…

I might like it if it were consistently cooked properly but, for some reason, half of the time the person serving me just pushes a bowl of raw octopus into my face. I can’t imagine why this place gets such rave reviews. Still, you go for the experience, really, don’t you?

Obviously, it’s a bit of a gamble giving your life and freedom up to some unknown starlet. Sure, you might end up with a diamond-encrusted collar, chained up in the playroom of a Beverley Hills mansion… But most budding actresses don’t make it and you’re far more likely to end your days working two paid jobs and doing domestic slavery for an abusive, bitter alcoholic, her looks ruined by bad plastic surgery, living with her violent boyfriend in a trailer park somewhere. Which – y’know – isn’t necessarily a *bad* thing, but you should know what you’re getting into, that’s all.

I might venture a prediction… well: more of a guess, really.

I wonder what it would take to convince him to go vegetarian?

The astonishingly glamorous, beautiful and witty Mistress Eleise de Lacy, a truly wonderful domme, now sadly retired. This tweet from Sardax contains lovely pictures I’d never seen before, showing her playful smile (do tigresses smile? If so, it must look something like that).

Unassertiveness training

Well, if she’s fine with it, I suppose you can just carry on twitching!

Not quite sure what she’s saying here… but just go along with it.

If all else fails ‘being male’ is usually a safe bet, although any dommes sessioning with me should be warned I barely qualify. Fortunately ‘being annoying’ works too.

Why would anyone want to be ‘liberated’ from… from… I mean, isn’t she? Don’t you think?

They’re betting on the outcome: loser’s slave gets a double beating. Which might not seem fair – seeing as the slave doesn’t actually get to position the ships or choose the locations of the salvos – but it’s not supposed to be.

Lovely Cruella shoot there, for once not in an abandoned industrial wasteland but instead an abandoned country house. If you haven’t checked Cruella lately, by the way, you should do: Andy has been fantastically active over the last few months. There must be a female standing over the lazy little sod with a whip because he’s put up lots of free and paid-for (PDFs of magazines) content. And you no longer need the bizarrely unobtainable ‘Cruella Card’ for the latter: just, y’know, money.

You could *try* pushing her boundaries – maybe she’ll crack eventually.

Insults and injuries

Never was, in any sense that ever mattered to anyone, to be honest.

Don’t worry: mere viewing of the photos on the Internet carries a much lighter penalty. If it’s a first offence, you should get away with just a day visit to the re-education centre.

I’m sure there are planty of more experienced readers of this blog who could help Miss Chambers out.

See? There was no reason to worry about telling her. Kitten understands completely and she’ll adapt to the new situation.

Of course, the good Governess will have to make up for it on a subsequent visit, but there’s no need to think about that now.

Corrigible

Maybe she needs to make them even more memorable.

I won’t give away the plot but when they turn the male over, there are footprints all over his back. Nothing unusual about that, obviously, but these footprints turn out to have been made by three different people, plus another male. Quite the mystery…

*Won*‘t she feel a fool when she finally takes that hood off him and sees that she’s got the wrong man! But that won’t be for a very long time yet, almost at the end of what she has planned for ‘Richard’. She’ll be ever so embarassed, the poor thing.

Oddly, I’ve tried ‘it’s not my fault I’m a man’ on my SO and it cuts no ice – as she likes to say, is there anyone else in our relationship to blame for that? And I’m compelled to admit she’s right.

The bonds of love

It’s easy to wait patiently when you’re chained up. Or at least, it’s not different in any sense that really matters from waiting impatiently. Still… if there’s a biscuit going, I’m not saying no!

Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time for desperately remorseful apologies – they might even let you beg for forgiveness, if they’re in a generous mood.

Cruella, of course – even the Editrix herself (yes she was, who else do you imagine wrote the editorials?), Lady Victoria, on the right there. She inspired Goddess-Lady Lucia, you know.

Arguably, offering a plausible explanation is ‘impertinence’ in and of itself, but I’ve learnt not to argue.

Fortunately, your wife has a very high tolerance for observing pain, so I doubt the safeword will be needed. Still: safe, sane and consensual, right? Any BDSM play should incorporate at least two of those.

Not a good start to a lifetime of married bliss, is it? Still, I expect you’ll improve and she expects that too.

See – and you were worried you wouldn’t be respected in this relationship! They value your expertise in menial drudgery and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Benevolent brutality

She’ll work around it. A relationship is founded on how the partners feel about one another; things like whips and canes and tawses are just the physical expressions of that.

He’s not actually naturally balding; she just prefers him that way as she says it tickles less when she’s watching TV.

Wow – sounds like you might have an important assignment on your very first day!

He doesn’t need to check his privilege because she’s checking it thoroughly on his behalf.

Classic Cruella, of course, featuring the stunning Lady Sonia and the lovely Lynda Leigh. And some bloke, probably with an ugly moustache, but who cares, eh?

You might as well blame yourself. After all, *she*‘s going to be blaming you and it’s not as if anyone else cares.

I think we know what’ll happen to Rob if he doesn’t make more of an effort. Rob doesn’t, but he’s more brawn than brains.

There was a time

…when they used to say...

Yes, it’s another 1980s/90s -ish-themed post. Those heady days of big hair, big music and big phones. What’s that? yes, I’m well aware I’ve ‘done’ the big hair / big phone joke before. But this is a nostalgic post, it’s supposed to hark back. Oh, and it’s mostly very British. I hear they had the 1980s in other countries, but it doesn’t sound half as good. We had ladies with whips on The Tube and Space 1999 too…

Anyway, this is not another issue of Empress Magazine (but one is even now being lovingly pasted up using photographic paper and wax and will soon be linotyped into existence and rushed out in vans to newsagents worldwide to be handed out to furtive punters in plain paper bags). No, this is just captions relating to another time. That’s what it is. Here they are.