beatings – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

Fun, fun, fun. In the sun, sun, sun.

After last Friday’s shivery Saturnalia, here are some sunny-themed captions to warm the hearts and bottoms of any males spending the long dark winter nights in an unheated kennel.

He could protest. After all, you need to be careful not to spend too much time in the sun, if you have sensitive skin. On the other hand, you really don’t want to piss these two girls off if you have sensitive skin, either, come to think of it.

Go on. What have you got to lose?

How about that? She noticed you!

If it stings him on the penis, it could swell up to three times its normal size. So, hey – six inches at last! There’s that to look forward to.

That’s actually not the worst of it. Just a few months ago, he congratulated the coffee boy at work for being the only person he knew who could make coffee the way he liked it, the way his wife did. Plus, he’s about to be drowned, of course. So it’s a bad day all round, really.

Not actually summer, but they are about to get nice and warm. Twice a day, on a regular cycle.

Sexual repression

I have my testosterone levels checked twice a year. They’ve never found any yet, but you can’t be too careful about these things.

I’m delighted to say my SO reaches orgasm every time she has sex. I can usually hear it even from my cage down in the cellar.

Who said she was pissed off? A bit disrespectful, if you ask me. I reckon Dave should report him for that.

Don’t worry, it won’t kill you. Not at only two a day.

I’m tempted to say somethng about ‘hanging around’ but I don’t want to beaten up by irate readers… oh hang on, yes I do.

Simple instructions

Of course, if you’re fetish happens to be ‘working all the hours there are in a mindnumbingly dull office job to earn money for her to spend on male prostitutes’ then you’ve really hit the jackpot here.

There are painful side effects if you take less than the recommended dose, by the way.

There were actually supposed to be a lot more men there, but Clara messed up the email invitation. If you think you’re uncomfortable, just imagine how she‘s feeling right now!

Oh. OK, then.

Hmm. I wonder what she’s planning to keep in there, then, if not you?

Reasons to be fearful

You need to be careful about dehydration, as that can cause brain damage. So, if the sub’s higher brain functions are important to you, make sure you give him plenty of water. But if not, don’t worry about it.

Somehow I’m guessing that saying ‘no – sorry, I think there’s nothing here like that’ would not actually result in the beating being cancelled.

You just have to learn to masturbate without using your hands. Or moving.

It’s the difference between a cold, professional relationship and the warm partnership of a real marriage.

There’s a lot more of it, though.

Agony aunts

She’s got so much to give.

So much easier than a long drawn-out evening of silence. Although, oddly, no quicker.

Boys can be so messy. Especially during edge-play.

Poor Selina. I hope she’s feeling better.

Oh well… at least you don’t have to get down on your knees and apologise to him properly.

Married, with consequences

Married couples should talk about their finances. Too few do – but it can save a lot of pain later on.

Than you Susan. (braces)

I hope she doesn’t give in to peer pressure. When she decides to have you castrated it should be because that’s what she wants to do. No other considerations should come into it.

Nasty man with big smelly feet. Really smelly feet. I can’t understand what she sees in him.

Those surveys… I think all they do is make women feel unsatisfied. And I should know.

Sexual discrimination

When only the very best is good enough.

Its nice when a man can get involved in his girlfriend’s hobby, don’t you think?

Oh! Oh! Here’s one! How many blondes does it take to whip an impertinent male until he’s crying helplessly for mercy? Hmm?

It’s better to give than to receive.

S&M in mainstream advertising… always a pleasant find.

Cold comfort

…but not on the farm.

I’m not sure if I could manage that. But I expect I’ll learn, over time.

Oh well. As long as it’s completely voluntary, I suppose it’ OK.

This is the lovely, magnificent, Vancouver and Paris-based Mistress Eleise de Lacey. But then, you knew that didn’t you?

Gosh, it’s a long way down, isn’t it?

One day perhaps.

And replace them with inhibitions about disobedience.

We’re not worthy

Just never met the right girl, I guess. Hard to strike up a meaningful conversation in seven seconds or less.

Happy to be of service.

Shame she doesn’t get sexual pleasure out of the beatings. That’s two of you, then.

It’ s easy to get confused.

No comment.

Don’t question why she needs to be so free

…she’ll tell you it’s the only way to be.

Dinner parties can be such hell, can’t they?

Seems fair.

This is the lovely Mina Thorne, in a very fine video for Men Are Slaves (well of course they are)

Hmm. Maybe there’s some hidden food and when I find it I’ll also find a way to kill the cockroaches? No, that’s not it…

You’ll feel a lot better once you know you have no secrets from her. Well – when the welts have died down, anyway.

If you look very carefully, you can just see one of his toes poking out, I reckon. He’ll get in trouble for that if she finds out,though, so keep it to yourself, OK?