Servitor – Contemplating the divine

Nothing is so beautiful as Spring

Except the ladies here, and my SO, of course.

It’s only women who know when men have had enough, weirdly enough. They say things like “No more pizza, darling, you’ve had quite enough!” or “No, darling: back over the chair; you haven’t had nearly enough, yet.” I don’t know how we’d manage on our own.

It occasionally makes little clicky noises, but she doesn’t mind.

The redoubtable, talented piano player, Mistress Vixen, there.

She wants each and every one of the boys in her class to succeed to the very best of his abilities, and she has the teaching skills and determination to make sure they do.

He did, but he had to take it back and get a better one. Ah… lovely to see a young couple learning all about one another: what they like, what they hate…

Would have made an even more enjoyable movie. I saw adverts for a film about schoolgirls being mean and I thought they wasted much of the opportunity. Although I would say, on balance, I found it quite ‘fetch’.

Woman’s inhumanity to man

Which is obviously fine, humanity being properly reserved for humans not apes or maggots.

I’ve heard the trick is to think about other things, OK? The two weeks will fly by. Now hurry up with that lotion: she’s waiting.

And if you’re *not* actually her 4 o’clock pervert, just go on up anyway. She isn’t particular.

Realistic goals, firm boundaries, severe consequences. Secret of a happy marriage, right?

She’s right, they’re already starting to look ugly and horrible.

Particularly disappointing given the ants’ matriatrchal society. You’d think they’d at least have a nibble… ant cannot live on honey alone.

Even the grimmest, most unpleasant situations can benefit from a little joke, he always used to say.

Incidentally, my captions here often feature the wonderful Mistress Eleise (with whom I had the pleasure and pain in Paris of a session or three) objecting to blonde jokes. But that’s just my invention. Maybe she really likes them, collects them and treasures examples in which the blonde is being particularly dumb? If anyone visits Canada and if she’s still working, do try a few out and let us know how it goes.

The age of unreason

Wednesday. No – Sunday! And if it’s Sunday, it must be a themed special. What’s the theme today? Well, we continue to delay the scheduled World War M post, because of unpleasant (and, it would seem, somewhat poorly thought-out) developments in the so-called ‘real world’, so today we are once again celebrating that most delightful of feminine attitudes: being utterly, stubbornly, deliciously unreasonable.

On Tuesday I’m due to go and see a lady I’ve not had a session with before and we’ve agreed on email that it’ll be a domestic scene in which she scolds me, is demanding and impossible to please and generally thoroughly unreasonable. Which sounds lovely, but what if she changes her mind and just decides to do something else on a whim?

But try to avoid stubborn silences too – we know how passive-aggressive those can be.

You can’t please any of the dommes any of the time.

This is the third time this week. Subs can be so disappointing.

All the rules are important but you want to pay particular attention to the ones headed ‘Price’.

Dream girls

The sort where you wake up in a cold sweat with your heart thumping.

Well, if it’s pitiful enough it should, shouldn’t it? That’s what ‘pitiful’ means. Perhaps you could mansplain that to her – it can only help.

I don’t think they’d be in much doubt anyway, but best to make sure.

They pride themselves on delivering the product unharmed. It’s not just for ethical reasons: several of their clients specifically say they want to receive it entirely free of bruises, cuts or burn marks and with all bodily parts still attached. And they are *very* client-focused.

I tried a sperm donation centre once but they didn’t even have a key – so what was I supposed to do? Fortunately, the nurses there saw the funny side.

You don’t want to eat the stripy yellow and red ones, by the way. OK, obviously you probably don’t actually *want* to eat any of them at all, but that’s not my point.

I’d much rather give her a coffee than my opinion.

The power of negative thinking

One of those talks where you don’t talk, not until the very end, anyway.

I hope readers realise that the activity depicted in this captioned image – being annoying and pervy around ladies who are prepared to do something about it – is highly dangerous and should not be attempted.

It might turn out to be quite like Tuesday. And after a while, it really doesn’t matter.

Goodness, what nerve-rackingly high stakes. You could lose some (notionally) important body parts or win back the full £120, all on the turn of a card.

Poobles likes to be helpful and today this is how he can help.

Poor chap’s going to miss out on the awkward vanilla conversation while getting dressed at the end.

The strength of a woman can be boundless

It’s another science fiction special. Now you might object that we just had a science fiction special and for once you’d be right (well done you!) but I’ve just written a tonne* of sci-fi captions, a great many featuring Seven of Nine, so we’re going to be having a lot of them. And in honour of everyone’s favourite Borg, we’ll have seven captioned images each time. Got to get them out there somehow.

Also, I do have a World War M post ready but given there’s quite a lot of actual war around, I think perhaps we’ll keep that on hold for now.

*That’s slightly more than a ton.

You might expect her to add that this is going to hurt her more than it will hurt him, but her programming prevents her from lying.

Goodness, the Borg are so much more advanced than us even in *plumbing*. Resistance is indeed futile… where can I surrender, please, Ma’am?

If it would be completely unethical to enslave billions of people, then presumably it would only be a tiny fraction as unethical to enslave just one… or even a few.

Realism is overrated, which is why I write this blog.

I wonder whether the local culture has developed any techniques for dealing with this situation? Implements, even.

She’s appalled at the waste. It’s like throwing away perfectly good chocolate spread.

The 70s was a difficult time and many people say that its sci-fi reflected that, featuring a lot of dystopian, dark visions of the future but in these TV shows at least, I see nothing but optimism that things might turn out OK. Too optimistic, if anything: that’s Space 1999 down in the bottom right: if only 1999 *had* been like that. Everywhere, I mean, not just a few select locations in most major cities and a large estate on the outskirts of Černá, Czech Republic.

A graceful predator in all her unfettered cruelty

Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to get used to it.

She and Sister Amy often struggle together with their vows of chastity. And I’m afraid it has to be admitted that the vows of chastity don’t usually win. But they’re young, they have years ahead of them to become more experienced in their nunnery’s ways.

Hurry up – imagine how awful she’d feel if she accidentally caused you a serious spinal injury, just because you were dawdling?

My SO had her beauty therapist look at my facial bruises one day. She said they were really nicely done.

Fans of this lovely lady may wish to watch her dancing as Wednesday, here. I mean, it’s not femdom or anything but it’s very… ummm… well, it’s just very. I believe that is the original, but I have to say I prefer the version set to Joy Division. But then, I is Bri-ish, innit?

Don’t worry: when she finally lets you go, you’ll feel very happy about that.

He initially denied taking any inappropriate photos, which is a bit foolish when there’s a photographic record and near-suicidally reckless when there’s both a photographic record and a very angry Madame Šárka.

Embracing inferiority

It’s such a relief to stop pretending.

Between the chores, privileges and of course those ‘little kindnesses’ she so likes you to show her, the day can get quite busy.

Whe nshe got there, she realised that of course they *weren*‘t there – she’d put them in the cellar. She was dreadfully embarrassed, poor thing.

Oh, I hope she’s not going to chat for long. I get so socially awkward in these situations.

Thank goodness. If there’s one thing every men’s group needs, it’s a woman’s guidance. Otherwise the conversation can go in all sorts of unproductive directions. Men can achieve so much when they are all working to a common purpose – imposed by a woman, obviously. Just see how much a chain gang can get done, for instance, given the proper motivation not to slack off.

At least four of them played suspiciously badly… almost as if they wanted to be, to be… no, that’s ridiculous.

Sonme of us want that even less than others. But we’re not the decisive half of ‘us’.

Some women bear children in strength

‘Tis Mothers’ Day!* So we celebrate all mothers, mother-in-laws, stepmothers and other females prepared to take young lads, or older ones for that matter, firmly in hand.

*Yes ’tis, ’tisn’t in May. Not in Britain, we prefer our Mothering Sundays cold and miserable, to match our outlook on life.

Actually, Mum prefers old-fashioned methods to using electric shock collars, but she’s got enough respect for her daughter to take the remote in the spirit it’s offered.

There could be many, many things. He should try gasping a few of them out.

I’m sure she’ll be understanding about your being so late. She understands men very well, very well indeed.

I wonder what present she’s got? Something to get the marriage off to the best possible start, I imagine.

It’s sadly rare in modern societies for a mother-in-law to take some of the responsibility for a husband’s upbringing, but it can be so important.

You may only see it once, but that will be enough

Friday the 13th, it is. I’m not superstitious, of course. I believe that rational (and therefore female) thought can explain any apparent mystery. And there’s no such thing as bad luck, not really, except as the working of chance. Like the coin my SO tosses every month (to avoid stressing me out, she tosses it in private and tells me the result): it’s got an equal chance of heads or tails so it’s perfectly understandable that it should have come up tails eleven times in a row – it’s just a one in two thousand chance, that’s all. Which is extraordinarily unlucky, true, but then, as she often points out, I’m extraordinarily lucky to be married to her, so it more than evens out.

Anyway, thought we’d go for a slightly macabre theme today, in contrast to the usual romantic fluff.