Today’s post celebrates the approaching quadricentennial of a great British educational institution: St Mackenzies. Founded in 1625, to provide, in the words of the school charter: “opportunyties for daughtters of gentelfolk to fuckke and cavort in uniformes both sexie and impracticalle”, the school has always prided itself on its insistence on slutty demeanour at all times, its non-stop attention to lesbian sexual hi-jinks and its almost total indifference to any kind of academic success. Despite this determination to prioritise hot girl-on-girl action over scholastic excellence, the school has, over the centuries, exerted a distinctly perverted influence on British politics, culture and life, famous old girls including mistresses of various notable historical figures (including three concurrent mistresses of the same archbishop of Canterbury) as well as distinguished brothel keepers, Page 3 girls and – in one case the school prefers to downplay – a recipient of the Nobel Prize for Physics.
The school’s proud motto: Exue vestimenta tua et habeamus coitum (loosely: ‘get your kit off and let’s fuck’) has inspired its former pupils to create many cultural works celebrating the school’s values, from the seminal sixteenth century Bokke of the two douzone virgines, with manyye instruktive illustrashiones, through the sadly now near-unknown 32-volume Lady Birchingham’s Daughters saga written by the prolific ‘Anonymous’ in the mid nineteenth century, through to the much beloved 1950s school stories featuring ‘Daisy’ (of which Daisy and the Mystery of the Changing Room is perhaps best known). More recently, of course, the school is best known from its photosets and videos in which staff and pupils alike demonstrate the sapphic skills for which the school is justly famed.
Despite the frequent presence of canes, rulers and other implements of chastisement in its classrooms, the school’s reputation for obsession with CP is (regrettably, in the opinion of this blog) ill-deserved, as although many pupils have found themselves stripping to bend over to be disciplined, they usually experience no more than a few taps before the schoolmistress tasked with administering the punishment finds the near naked young lady before her too irrestistible to delay fucking any longer. Indeed, a frantic lesbian sex session is the school’s preferred approach to any disciplinary problem, particularly bullying (which has reared its ugly head on too many occasions, before having that head shoved firmly down between the thighs of a pretty schoolgirl). Just occasionally, girls who have behaved particularly badly are kept behind in detention, sitting bored behind desks in front of an equally-bored supervising teacher, a situation that turns out pretty much as you might expect in a school full of attention-deficient lesbian nymphomanics.
Still taking students of all ages from 18 to 30 or so and proudly bearing its Ofsted ‘Utterly Preposterous’ rating (but having scored a ‘Highly commendable – if a little pervy’ for the school’s approach to LGBT issues), St Mackenzies now totters gingerly on its high heels into its fifth century. Times may change, but there are values that are eternal and for as long as people enjoy watching female teachers and pretty schoolgirls in tight-fitting uniforms shriek, giggle and – inevitably, rapturously, exhaustingly – fuck each other senseless, there will always be a St Macs. For which we can all be grateful.
Oh the British lesbian nymphomaniac schools where the girls have many orgasms a day, and powerful orgasms at that compared to the puny few that man can get. Men are so exceedingly and woefully sexually inadequate compared to women. Women just laugh!
Quite right, Alberto. They laugh when they’re not too busy gasping in ecstasy, anyway. This is why the British educational system is the envy of the world.
Best wishes
S
Actually I went to a boys only grammar school much like this.
The PE teacher greatly enjoyed wielding a large plimsoll and supervising after lesson showers, which were insisted upon.
The school favoured the cane for serious transgressions. Including on one occasion the caning of four boys, caught extorting money from another pupil, in front of the whole school.
And look at me, I turned out OK.
Snowflakes, tsssk,
Mr M
Quite so, Mr M. Made a man of you. Or a mouse, whatever.
Me, I went to schools with no corporal punishment whatever so where the fantasies about cane-wielding fearsome headmistresses came from is something of a mystery. But then I didn’t spend my adolescence licking mud off high-heeled thigh-high boots, or doing humiliating sissy dances, either, so I suppose not everything has to have a clear cause.
Best wishes
S
St Mackenzies? Is that one older than St Hathaway’s Priory Schoole for Girles?
Not as easy a question to answer as some might imagine, Tom! Although there was a school at St Hathaway Priory, founded in 1377, this was merely a small group of girls aged 18 – 24, dedicated exclusively to serving the needs of the nuns of the priory, secluded from the outside world. Obviously, together with its parent institution it did not survive the Dissolution, although several of the former pupils are believed to have acted as Ladies of the Bedchamber to Elizabeth I, leading some scholars to speculate that the Queen may have had secret Catholic leanings, although most see it merely as evidence of Queen Bess’s proclivity to fuck anything that moved (see the authoritative Virgin Queen? My arse! by K. L. Rathbone, 1974).
No, the great institution known universally as “St Haths” was a much later foundation, initially also merely a priory school but opening up to outside pupils under the inspired leadership of Lady Annie Kershaw, who is said to have persuaded the Mother Superior of the day to enlarge the school’s horizons, over the course of an exhausting five-day religious retreat.
Today of course, it rivals St Macs as the leading girls’ school focused primarily on cheesy porn, with the annual hockey match between the two institutions a firm fixture in many sports-lovers’ calendars, even though no one has yet managed to keep her kit on long enough actually to score a goal. St Haths does nowadays differentiate itself from St Macs through its mixed sixth-form in which boys too can benefit from its vigorous insistence on strict corporal discipline, while the girls – it is said – learn valuable leadership skills for future life. It has recently opened a new wing, with all the equipment required for the most advanced techniques in modern lesbian sex and BDSM, thanks to the generous sponsorhip of an American actress who has preferred to remain anonymous, so future generations of girls can continue to personify the principles so pithily expressed in the school motto: Omnis Puella Deam.
Or something.
Best wishes
S
Thank you for this scholarly thesis Servitor. A timely reminder of just how important it is for one to do one’s own research.
Otherwise, one can perhaps be at the mercy of any old populist conspiracy theory, made up almost on the spot.
And where would the world be then, that’s what I would like to know.
Mr Fox
Yes, we need more reality-based punlic discourse, like the political denates I feature on this blog from time to time. Let’s face it, scantily-clad dommes running for office on a platform of enslaving all males is a far more grounded political programme than some that are on offer.
As for the scholarship, I got it all from the magisterial Macs and Haths at Play, a history of the two institutions by T. M. Partridge, Emeritus Professor of Educational Stuidies at Oxford University, who sadly passed away from masturbation-induced exhaustion just a few months after completing his great work.
Best wishes
S