Contemplating the divine

She is your everything

… which is just as well, as you’re her nothing.

Oddly enough, I was actually engaged in SPH play years before I even knew what it was – in the school changing room, for instance. I guess I’m just a natural.

Don’t worry, she generally just takes little light puffs, she doesn’t pull on it to drag it down quickly. Unless she’s had a hard day or something like that, obviously.

In a very real sense, marriage to her is a stress position, so it’s all good practice.

I find being on a leash quite reassuring. My SO got one of those extendable ones – you know, that have a kind of wheel that can pay out to allow the pet to run off some way – and I have to say, I felt almost agoraphobic with it on. Unfortunately, it broke one day when I was fetching it, and after a good hard discussion of why ‘it broke’ I was dragged out of the door on the good old chain.

Bunnies are actually savage little creatures. True fact (read Watership Down). Perhaps that’s what inspires these lovely ladies.

Hmm… looks like Jake was a bit surprised by that! He really shouldn’t have been – anyone could have guessed that Bluetooth connectivity was likely to come up. Now he’s going to get all embarrassed by having his ignorance shown up right there on stage.

Number 42 in the series, apparently! How many roads must a man walk down before he reaches a turning point, eh? OK, one, I suppose, as if he was on a second road he would presumably already have passed a turning point. OK, so not a good analogy, but you see what I’m trying to say here, right? Erm… anyway, I’ll just get on with the not-quite-femdom captions, now.

Just do as you’re told

I mean, how hard can that be?

Don’t worry: you won’t have to say much. Counting and thanking for the most part, maybe a few hundred words of apology and gratitude at the end.

Don’t you always feel uncomfortable, on the outskirts of a conversation like this? I do.

Of course it’s fair. Every ten weeks (subject to good behaviour, obvs)? That sounds like a non-stop sex party, as far as I’m concerned.

I’m told that the trick to buying a car in America (yes, it’s American – see, they put the steering wheel on the wrong side? Oh – and that blue jacket too…), is to negotiate on price and hold out for a good bargain. Just be aware, though, that that same tactic is absolutely catastrophic when approaching a findomme.

Thank goodness the only face we can see is the lovely one of Princess Kali.

Still lovely, still here.

In fairness, Sissy usually gets to go to bed a lot earlier than Mistress, too.

Sentimental cruelty

She knows perfectly well you’re only doing it in the hope she’ll get the leash out and drag you along. Be careful what you wish for, that’s what I say.

Although some ladies playing it don’t seem to understand the ‘or’ concept.

Oh dear. These social events can be such a pain.

When I pay for a lesbian sex show I like it to be much more realistic. The girls are more sensibly-clad and at home in bed with one another and I am nowhere in the vicinity – usually not even in the same city. That’s how real lesbians do it. I’ve heard.

She provides the glove, you can provide the rest. Oh – and the permission, of course, she provided that too. And that’s the most important thing of all.

Oh those sex robots. I bought one of the latest ones that supposedly has ‘artificial intelligence’ that reacts appropriately to the situation, but when I turned it on it opened its eyes, took one look at me and shut down irreparably. I told a friend at work who just laughed and told me I shouldn’t always fall for the very latest technology – if I want a machine in my life I’m better off with an electric toaster. So I tried that and now I have second-degree burns in a very uncomfortable place. Dammit.

As keen as mustard

… which is to be used in a poltice and secured firmly on the bodily part in question. More tales of domination with decorum, from Downton days.

Apologetics

…a word that doesn’t mean what you probably think it means, as it is a form of ‘systematic argumentative discourse’. So probably not recommended in the sorts of relationships this blog favours, where apologies should be simple, heartfelt (and felt in other parts of the body too) and frequent.

I’ll confess I’ve never understood men who want to cheat on their partners or imagine they can get away with it. It’s not as if any lady’s going to fail to notice a second padlock hanging there on my chastity belt.

My SO is constantly ‘encouraging’ me to learn new dance routines to entertain her bulls, but none of them seem like the sort of guys who really enjoy watching dance, so I hope they don’t get too bored by it all.

Fortunately, Kate’s unlikely to reach the prize first as she’s too soft-hearted to use the whip on her horse, the sweet thing. She doesn’t believe in cruelty to animals.

Not The Hunt, for those of you paying attention to such matters, this is more of an informal social thing, with friends and less death.

He’s not even doing any work, just hanging around the office.

The silly thing’s forgotten to put a blouse on – perhaps you should remind her?

Reminds me of the time I decided to try some vanilla so I booked a sex worker who offered ‘a real girlfriend experience’. Bloody hell… I’m into humiliation and abuse, but not *that* much!

Wait until she gets home

And if, when she does, she doesn’t come to open the cage, you can wait until she goes out again, too, and then start the whole thing all over again. It helps pass the time.

The occasional spanking can form part of a healthy and mutually-respectful relationship… as well as the sorts of relationships celebrated on this blog too, obviousy.

If it’s any consolation, she is actually wearing silk underwear.

It was this or the kennels and that can just be more trouble than it’s worth. All that fuss about how they generally only take dogs and cats… speciesism, that’s what it is.

She needs to develop techniques to relax, maybe take some of the tension away, especially if she’s going to be watching a lot of castrations. I expect going to lie down in the nurse’s room will help.

Apparently, the priest is planning to preach a sermon on practising thankfulness in marriage, which seems very apposite.

Alma mater

Today’s post celebrates the approaching quadricentennial of a great British educational institution: St Mackenzies. Founded in 1625, to provide, in the words of the school charter: “opportunyties for daughtters of gentelfolk to fuckke and cavort in uniformes both sexie and impracticalle”, the school has always prided itself on its insistence on slutty demeanour at all times, its non-stop attention to lesbian sexual hi-jinks and its almost total indifference to any kind of academic success. Despite this determination to prioritise hot girl-on-girl action over scholastic excellence, the school has, over the centuries, exerted a distinctly perverted influence on British politics, culture and life, famous old girls including mistresses of various notable historical figures (including three concurrent mistresses of the same archbishop of Canterbury) as well as distinguished brothel keepers, Page 3 girls and – in one case the school prefers to downplay – a recipient of the Nobel Prize for Physics.

The school’s proud motto: Exue vestimenta tua et habeamus coitum (loosely: ‘get your kit off and let’s fuck’) has inspired its former pupils to create many cultural works celebrating the school’s values, from the seminal sixteenth century Bokke of the two douzone virgines, with manyye instruktive illustrashiones, through the sadly now near-unknown 32-volume Lady Birchingham’s Daughters saga written by the prolific ‘Anonymous’ in the mid nineteenth century, through to the much beloved 1950s school stories featuring ‘Daisy’ (of which Daisy and the Mystery of the Changing Room is perhaps best known). More recently, of course, the school is best known from its photosets and videos in which staff and pupils alike demonstrate the sapphic skills for which the school is justly famed.

Despite the frequent presence of canes, rulers and other implements of chastisement in its classrooms, the school’s reputation for obsession with CP is (regrettably, in the opinion of this blog) ill-deserved, as although many pupils have found themselves stripping to bend over to be disciplined, they usually experience no more than a few taps before the schoolmistress tasked with administering the punishment finds the near naked young lady before her too irrestistible to delay fucking any longer. Indeed, a frantic lesbian sex session is the school’s preferred approach to any disciplinary problem, particularly bullying (which has reared its ugly head on too many occasions, before having that head shoved firmly down between the thighs of a pretty schoolgirl). Just occasionally, girls who have behaved particularly badly are kept behind in detention, sitting bored behind desks in front of an equally-bored supervising teacher, a situation that turns out pretty much as you might expect in a school full of attention-deficient lesbian nymphomanics.

Still taking students of all ages from 18 to 30 or so and proudly bearing its Ofsted ‘Utterly Preposterous’ rating (but having scored a ‘Highly commendable – if a little pervy’ for the school’s approach to LGBT issues), St Mackenzies now totters gingerly on its high heels into its fifth century. Times may change, but there are values that are eternal and for as long as people enjoy watching female teachers and pretty schoolgirls in tight-fitting uniforms shriek, giggle and – inevitably, rapturously, exhaustingly – fuck each other senseless, there will always be a St Macs. For which we can all be grateful.

https://stmackenzies.com/