Simply irresistible

Resistance is futile.

You may well find that your opinion is not firmly held, while you’re firmly held and hearing hers.
I’m naturally suited to SPH too. Just lucky that way, I guess.
’tis. But sometimes its better to receive than to give. How to decide? Fortunately, I never have to, so that’s not a dilemma I face.
Poor thing. Women sometimes have to work so hard – my SO, bless her, is absolutely tireless and relentless in how hard she works herself to make sure I’m performing at my absolute best. I’m very grateful.
Of course, no subbie is going to love a movie as much as one his goddess appears in.

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men – from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.

Yes, it’s the day* to celebrate mothers. Loving, nurturing and kind to their offspring, brutally savage and eternally contemptuous of their sons-in-law. The latter relationship is more this blog’s focus, for obvious reasons.

Many subs who get off on the idea of punishment, not to mention being humiliated and treated with contempt, don’t realise how much more effectively those can be provided by a woman of more advanced years, who has had longer to hone her opinions and approach towards the male sex.
She has an excellent reason: she dislikes you intensely.
Oh don’t read things into the captions that aren’t there! Of course she didn’t murder him! He died of nervous exhaustion, poor chap.
Obviously you shouldn’t have to pay full session rates, just for cleaning out her Mum’s garage. Ask for a 40% discount, at least – and don’t settle for less than 5%.
It’s good that mothers and daughters phone each other so frequently.
Don’t worry, she’s not going to be a burden. In fact, she can help a lot with the housework: checking all the tasks have been done satisfactorily, drawing up schedules and providing advice and encouragement wherever needed.

* Some of you might be wondering why we’re doing this today, when everyone knows Mothers’ Day is in May? If so, it’s probably because you’re American and have forgotten there are what we call ‘other places’ in the world, and some of those don’t do things in the same way you do. Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake to make, especially if you’re working with the disadvantage of only having a male brain. Try taking a trip somewhere ‘else’ to broaden your horizons – I hear the Gulf of Mexico is nice at this time of year.

So this is what makes life divine

Fairy tales… yes, more fairy tales. But there’s a theme today. See if you can guess what it is.

No prizes, of course, for spotting the theme (any who didn’t, please go and book a session with a suitably severe lady to be beaten for stupidity). All fairy tales should feature breathtakingly beautiful princesses, wicked queens, clever heroines and evil and sadistic villains – how much simpler the author’s task when all of those are combined in one, wonderful, elegant and… well, divine form.

A man who does not understand the benefit of suffering does not live a clever and true life.

I’ve barely given the matter any thought, to be honest. Too much to do around the house to have time for politics.
Warning: may induce servility. Do not drive or operate heavy equipment without permission after taking this medication.
Trouble is, the spiked chastity tube really needs to be fitted before any excitement emrges, or it’s difficult to get it on (although with sufficient determination she always manages it). So it works best as a precaution.
This could be the beginning of a beautiful – and highly remunerative – relationship. Just as well, as another one could well be ending.
They are prepared to do maternal discipline sessions, as long as it is understood that the maternal care they provide is the sort that results in huge newspaper headlines and public inquiries into the failure of the local social services.
Poor Amy. Girls can be so mean.

Simple obedience

Why make things complicated?

C’mon, don’t be selfish: work harder, Mila needs this orgasm.
She’s got a whole prison cell and interrogation routine worked out too.
Don’t worry: she’ll have to stop when she runs out of apples.
She has a very personal relationship with her deity. And she’s hoping for one with Sister Lucy, too.
You were probably just going to express your gratitude for how perfect everything is and check whether she has any criticisms you can take on board, right?
They come in various flavours, some of which go better with sweaty trainer than others.

Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.

More glimpses from a bygone, more civilised age.

Except obviously you won’t be buggered afterwards. Not with a real penis, anyway.
Of course, she won’t continue her career as a governess after marriage. That would be quite against the spirit of the times, which held that even professional women, once married, should focus all of their efforts on their husbands.
War is hell. So’s her strap-on, actually.
Striking at the root of the problem, so to speak.
Even young ladies of fashion had to develop practical skills in those days. The lady behind looks singularly uninterested, though… dreaming of marriage to a billionaire, perhaps.
He loves – and loves a lass above his station, by the look of him.

Malicious maidens

There are no problems – only solutions.
Don’t forget to agree a safeword – not ‘auurrgh!’
My wedding night was memorable… I still occasionally wake up in a cold sweat of terror.
They’re always looking for volunteers for their practice sessions, if you want a free show.
She’s a bit fierce on the hockey field… finds it to be a place where she can work off her anger.
You might think that jerking yourself off in front of a mocking naked girl is humiliating, but is it really worse than jerking off in front of a computer, all alone in your room with your trousers around your ankles? Hmm?

PS, I understand there’s some kind of election taking place today, in one or other of Britain’s former colonies. As a non-American, obviously I cannot advise anyone who does have that status on how to vote (although I’m happy to provide tips on how to spell words like ‘neighbour”, to point out that the phrase ‘I could care less’ actually makes no sense at all and to explain the difference between jelly and jam). The important thing is to vote, regardless of which candidate you… you… what am I saying? He’s a deranged idiot, everyone who has ever worked with him says so, how could anybody even be thinking of… oh, just do what you’re going to do. I suppose anyone whose vote might be swayed by what they read on a pornographic blog like this probably shouldn’t be voting at all, on general principles, right? But… I mean to say. Really. Again? Fucking hell.

She must be right

We want to hear happy positive words: specifically your online banking details.
Can you believe the ungratitude – and look at all the effort she’s making, you can see that just from his back.
After all this time not able to get an erection, it’ll be nice to be doing that again. Up – zap! – and down. And up again and – zap! Aaanndd….
There are twenty-four verses but I’ve spared you that.

This is the firm and very fair Tamara Kenworthy. Look at the determination on that face – I can only hope her husband learns to appreciate his luck.

If you’re worried about any darts missing the board and piercing you in the neck or face, don’t be. It’s going to be on a long cord, so it’ll be hanging lower down your body than that, just about over your stomach.
Or you could maintain your dignity and accept a spanking and early bedtime without supper, if you don’t want to demean yourself.

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling

With grovelling apologies to anyone with even the slightest taste, it’s a special OWK poetry day! You see, I – no, come back! Really, it’s not that bad, and anyway at least there are pictures of –

Hello?

Anyone still here?

Oh well, just you and me, then. OWK poetry, anyway, all based on the kind of traditional British canon I learnt (but perhaps suprisingly given my interests did not actually have beaten into me) at school. More difficult than it looks, even done this badly, especially as there is essentially no one-word rhyme in English for ‘kingdom’, or for that matter ‘Owk’.

Just in case any of you are interested, puzzled or just entirely short of better things to do sitting there, as you are, in front of a computer with your trousers down around your ankles, the actual poems these are mangled from are, in order:

  1. How do I love thee?
  2. Jabberwocky
  3. The Tyger
  4. The Waste Land
  5. Elegy written in a country churchyard
  6. To his coy Mistress
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